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Sunday, May 10, 2009

LAST-MINUTE MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS!

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NOW IN STOCK - GUARANTEED DELIVERY TODAY!!

YOU SPACED-OUT, THOUGHTLESS, UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!!!

Send Your Mom A Link To This Page Of Songs About Mommys


Top Ten Last-Minute Mother's Day Gifts
(all available at 7-11)

10. Condoms

9. Blank Greeting Cards
(Enclose one condom; inscribe card: "MOM!!! Why didn't you USE one of these???"
--Mom's got a sense of humor, right? Right?)


8. Gummybears (Don't eat them all, on the way to her house. They're for HER!)

7. Milk (She prob'ly needs some. And she'll appreciate the symbolism. Unless she didn't breastfeed you...)

6. The local newspaper (Let her know you are aware of her intellect, as well as her interest in current affairs and the coupons.)

5. A Big Bite (OK, you can eat this one. Just so you can say, "Yeah, I ate, Ma, I'm not hungry, really," when she plies you with ambrosia or octopus salad.)

4. A Big Gulp (See Number Five)

3. One Pack Of Cigarettes, her brand (She still smokes, right? Start measuring the windows for drapes... )

2. One box of stale Valentine's Day candy

1. One pathetic wilted rose

Put them all together, and they spell "UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARD!!!"

So, here it is, the Sunday Rock'N'Roll Music Video Contest Party Mother's Day Edition Salute To Muthas:


YOUTUBE: JOHN WINSTON LENNON & THE PLASTIC ONO BAND
"John Lennon in Madison Square Garden / Mother"
Primal screaming for a new Mommy.



YOUTUBE: MARY COUGHLAN
"Mary Coughlan - Mother's little helper"
The Stones' video is still blocked by cultural artifact thieves, aka "record companies," after forty years. But Mary's got it right.



YOUTUBE: THE BEATLES: "MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR"
"The Beatles - Your Mother Should Know"
Yeah! She should!



YOUTUBE: THE DOORS
"The Doors - The end"
Jim Morrison, the ultimate motherf**ker.



YOUTUBE: PARLIAMENT FUNKADELIC
"Red Hot Mama Studio Version - Parliament Funkadelic"
Get down, get FUNKY, Ma!



YOUTUBE: FIGGHOLE
"Song for Sarah Palin: FIGGHOLE - "Red, White, and MILF""
Rockin retards!



YOUTUBE: CATHERINE DENEUVE
"Recording of "Joyeux anniversaire maman" - Catherine Deneuve"
OK, so it's not your birthday, Ma. But it's CATHERINE DENEUVE!!!



YOUTUBE: THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION "WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY"
"Frank Zappa - 06 - Bow tie daddy"
Sorry, "Motherly Love" was not available. But now you're ready for the dreaded tie-fest, Father's Day.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Ruth said...

Son! you made me so proud ... oh, you're that other one.

5:17 AM, May 10, 2009  
Blogger Cosa Nostradamus said...

.
T'anks, Mah!

I guess.
.

1:37 PM, May 10, 2009  

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