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Monday, March 31, 2008

WHAT'S YOUR TIBETAN NAME?

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KEWL MONIKERS FROM THE ROOF OF THE WORLD

MUCH GROOVIER, FABBER AND GEARER THAN ELIZABETH OR GEORGE

Maybe We Should Try Calling Dubya "Hairless Weazle, " or "Scourge of Crawford."

Tibet is a country in the middle of Asia that was discovered by Richard Gere in 1983, in the time of the gravity boots. They do not have as much good hashish as Nepal, rendering a trip there by magic bus like, virtually useless, man.

They do however have some way kewl names for their lords and masters, unlike, um, us? Mes-ag-tshoms, or "Old Hairy" was their king in the 700's, when our kings had names like the Irish King Flaithbertach mac Loingsig ("Pay your fucking taxes"), Finland's King Snaer "Vanha" Jokulsson ("No parking 9am to 6pm"), Albanian King Gjin Progoni ("Employees Must Wash Hands") and the dreaded Eneko de Aritza ("I'll poke your fucking eyes out"), King of the Basques.

Dpal 'Khor Brtsan, "Old Smelly", was among the first Buddhist kings of Tibet, despite his aroma. Tsangpa Dunkhurwa, "Old Spice," King during the time of Genghis Khan, introduced curry from India, and 5-spice powder from China. Lobsang Gyatso, "Old Dirty Fingernails," was the first Dalai Lama to wield political power in Tibet. (Apparently, you had to be old to be king, and personal hygiene mattered but little.)

So, what's your Tibetan name? I considered "Old Crusty" for myself, but some clown beat me to it. "Old Hickory" has a nice ring to it, but too Southern for me. "Old Ironsides"? Too Raymond Burr. "Old Blood & Guts." Hm. Mark that one down. Nice medical ring. "Old Salty"? Too much like a snack food that's gone bad. Well, I'm open to suggestions.
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