NO, MORE FUNNY STUFF

QUOTES OF NOTE

Famous Folks' Funnies

"In this life all that I have is my word and my balls and I do not break them for nobody."
**Al Capone**

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
**John Mendoza**

"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying.
'Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients'.
But another kept reminding me,
'Howard, you are a veterinarian'."
**Dick Wilson**

"Living in New York I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long a burglar stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."
**Elayne Boosler**

"You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate."
**Carrie Snow**

"He may have hairs on his chest; but, sister, so has Lassie."
**Cole Porter**

"She looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else."
**Elsa Lancaster**

"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
**Emo Phillips**

"If I owned both Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell."
**Philip Henry Sheridan**

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
**Jennifer Unlimited**

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
**Woody Allen**

"Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered?"
**Woody Allen**

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
**Groucho Marx**

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
**Rodney Dangerfield**

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
**Rodney Dangerfield.**

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
**Steve Martin.**

"She said he proposed something on their wedding night that even her own brother wouldn't have suggested."
**James Thurber**

"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy."
**Fred Allen.**

"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"
**Denis Leary**

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
**WC Fields**

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
**Steven Wright**

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?"
**Steven Wright.**

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
**Ellen DeGeneres**

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
**George Carlin**

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
**Robin Williams**

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