SIAMESE TWIN FOOD AGENCIES SEPARATED AT LAST!

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DOES THIS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU?

SEND IN THE CLONES, MEDIUM RARE

Two Cannibals Are Eating A Clown. The First Cannibal Says To The Second, "Does This Taste Funny To You?"

You think that's funny? Check this out, Mr & Mrs Guinnea Pig:

For some time now, nobody seems to know how long, hundreds of millions of people worldwide may have been eating artificial life forms: Cloned sheep, cows, pigs, babies, for all they know. The "major cloning companies" simply don't bother to keep track of where their synthetic offspring are. Ya gotta wonder where they sell their meat. And their stock. On Secret Wall Street?

Who knew we had any cloning companies, much less major ones? Wasn't Dolly the Sheep supposed to have been unique? A major advance? A glimpse of a possible future? Well, it turns out, she was yesterday's din-din. And you ate her genetically deformed meat. Num-nums! Remember what happened to her and her clones? Bloody 'orrible, guv'nah! MONSTROUS!!! Mua-ha-ha!!!

Mm-mm-good. Who d'ya think bought Dolly et al? Campbells Soup? (What ever happened to those twins?) Chef Boyardee? Meow-Mix? A&P? Safeway? Winn-Dixie? McDonalds? KFC? Shabazz Steak & Take? Well, golly, we just don't know.

To make matters even more yummy, the Food & Drug Administration said today that cloning meat was way kewl. And then the US Department of Agriculture said nah-anh, also today, same day. Party-poopers! And just as I was about to tuck into a six-legged chicken! Does this mean there won't be any pre-smoked pigs? Or cows that are all prime rib and filet mignon, from snout to tail? Why not an octo-lobster, with eight tails? Or a turkey that comes stuffed with, I don't know, surprise me!

Not to worry. The FDA and the USDA would never let anything happen to our precious food supply. Unless there was money in it for a campaign contributer, right? I mean, what are you some kind of liberal- anti- American- commie- fag- hippie- dippie- vegan- fuckin- health- nut- Luddite- PUSSY? You'll eat what corporate America puts in front of you and you'll LIKE it! Or no dessert! (Day-glo tapioca with talking whipped cream.) There's people starving in . . . some place we don't give foreign aid to . . .

And, maybe, soon, here, if these irresponsible whack-jobs keep fucking with a system that has worked great for over two centuries. And why? Were the animals going union? Was there a beastly strike in the works? Orwellian nightmares?

Would someone please clone me, so I can fuck myself? I'm tired of the government and big business doing it. They never even CALL!


WASHINGTON POST
Wednesday, 16 JAN 2008:

USDA Recommends That Food From Clones Stay Off the Market

"At least one Kansas cattle producer also disclosed yesterday that he has openly sold semen from prize-winning clones to many U.S. meat producers in the past few years, and that he is certain he is not alone."

(But then, semen-sellers rarely are.)



NEW YORK TIMES
Wednesday, 16 JAN 2008:

F.D.A. Says Food From Cloned Animals Is Safe

"To create Dolly, scientists took an unfertilized sheep egg and removed the genetic material. They then inserted the genetic material from an adult cell. Machinery within the egg somehow reset the clock on the adult genes, and the new cell, after implantation into a surrogate mother sheep, developed into Dolly.

This technique has since become routine in laboratories, with clones produced in numerous species — not including humans, so far as is known. In public discussion, the technology is sometimes confused with other techniques that involve genetic manipulation, such as the transfer of genes into animals from unrelated species. But cloning is simply the creation of an identical genetic copy."

All righty then.
(emphasis mine)
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