NEW WEBSTERS DICTIONARY DEFINES REPUBLICANS AS "ASSHOLES"

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TERM "REPUBLICAN" IS NO LONGER IN USE

150-YEAR-OLD PARTY LABEL CHANGED FOR THE FIRST TIME



Webster Editor Says "It's A Sign Of The Times"

In recognition of the increasing use of the term "assholes" to describe members of the G.O.P., the world's most popular dictionary has dropped the definition of the word "Republican" as a political Party, and is now referring readers to the word "asshole." A photograph of Republican, er, Asshole Louisiana Governor "Bobby" Jindal now appears next to the word "asshole" in all of Webster's dictionaries.

The Governor was not available for comment at blog time.

Democrats in Congress have also switched the designation of GOP Senators and Congressmen & women. Terms now in use include: "The distinguished asshole from the great State of South Carolina." "Asshole Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky." "House Asshole Minority Leader Boehner."

Asshole Boehner declined to comment for this blog entry. Assholes have protested this change in nomenclature, "But we gotta go with reality here," said Webster Editor-In-Chief Daniel Webster XXIX. "No one calls them "Republicans" any more, and when you hear the word "asshole," you automatically think 'G.O.P.' A picture of Newt Gingrich or Sarah Palin just pops up in your mind. In everybody's mind."

Webster's medical dictionaries now differentiate between the use of the word "asshole" as a political term versus a synonym for the clinical terms "anus," "rectum," and "brown-eye." A picture of Asshole "Bobby" Jindal had to be removed from the medical dictionary after it was mistakenly placed next to the word "anus." "We might have accidentally given somebody a radical Jindalectomy," the Dean of the Harvard Medical School stated in comments on the changes before the AMA's annual convention.
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