WHEN I GET OLDER, LOSING MY HAIR, MANY YEARS FROM NOW
WILL YOU STILL BE SENDING ME A VALENTINE? BIRTHDAY GREETINGS, BOTTLE OF WINE?
Top Ten Things About Growing Old:
1. You can see Heaven from your house. (It's just to the left of Russia.)
2. Everyone calls you "Sir," or "Ma'am," as if you were a Knight, or married to one. Although you'd prefer to be called "Jarl." Or "Jarla."
3. Your teeth are a kewl shade of yellow, unlike all the trendoids who have bleached theirs.
MUAHAHA! People bleaching their TEETH! What's next, their ASSHOLES???!!!
4. Your asshole is a lovely shade of brown. As far as you know. Everyone else claims to have a white one.
5. You can't remember ever voting Republican. It's the one thing you're really sure of, any more.
6. You've never killed anyone. And it's too late now.
7. Diapers. (Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh.)
8. You get to ride around the mall on a little scooter.
9. You're completely oblivious to the humiliation of riding around the mall on a little scooter.
10. Dave looks kinda old, too.
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