OSAMA BIN LADEN SURRENDERS TO CANADIAN FORCES
WORLD'S MOST WANTED MAN DYING OF KIDNEY FAILURE, SEEKS TREATMENT
AL QAIDA LEADER RUSHED TO GANDER MILITARY HOSPITAL, NEWFOUNDLAND
Canada's PM Promises Fair Trial On Canadian Soil: "We Will See True Justice Done."
Canadian Forces Chief of Defence Staff, General Sir David W. MacDonald stood beside the tall, bearded Arab man with the most famous face in the world, smiling grimly. Osama Bin Laden appeared tired and drawn, barely able to stand. He was attended by a senior Canadian Forces Medical Service doctor, Colonel Albert H. Lemieux, and guarded by a phalanx of Canadian Army soldiers in full battle gear on the CAF tarmac at Goose Bay, Newfoundland. The alleged terrorist had no comment. He is severely diabetic and may receive a kidney transplant in Canada.
Bin Laden presented himself to Canadian forces in Afghanistan, near the border with the North-West Frontier Provinces of Pakistan. His surrender followed weeks of secret negotiations between the Al Qaida leadership and the Canadian government. Bin Laden was examined and treated superficially by Canadian Army medics in Afghanistan, and quickly whisked away by a Canadian Navy helicopter to a Canadian Navy aircraft carrier, HMCS Edmund Fitzgerald in the Arabian Sea off Pakistan. From there, the prisoner was brought by sea to an undisclosed location where he was put on a Canadian Air Force plane and flown over the North Pole to Goose Bay, Newfoundland.
US President Barack Obama expressed satisfaction with the actions of the Canadians, and denied that the US had not been informed of the surrender negotiations until after Bin Laden was safe on Canadian soil. Rumours surfaced among American troops in Afghanistan that they had been "kept in the dark and fed horsesh*t" by the Canadians, and were not happy with the way they had been deliberately left out of the arrest of the man who claimed responsibility for the worst attacks ever on United States territory. The Canadian press have speculated that the arrangements were made to ensure the peaceful surrender of Bin Laden, as well as his safe return and fair treatment which, they claimed, could not be guaranteed by the Americans. A spokesman for the White House dismissed this as "poppycock."
Bin Laden is scheduled for surgery on Thursday in Canada, and a donor kidney has already been secured from one of his relatives from Yemen. After he recuperates, he will face trial in a civilian court in an undisclosed location in Ontario, Canada. The Attorney General of the United States, Eric Holder, has said that no extradition papers have yet been filed, but that "the option remains open." Canadian Premier Stephen Harper has offered to turn Bin Laden over to the US after his trial in Canada for crimes against humanity.
In New York City, a group of survivors and next-of-kin of the World Trade Center victims held a candlelight vigil at the site of the bombing. One of those at the vigil, Mrs. Rose M. O'Flaherty, of Fresh Ponds, NY, an NYFD 9/11 widow, said she would pray for justice, and for the souls of the terrorists and their victims. In Crawford, Texas, a group of protestors burned an effigy of Bin Laden and a number of Canadian flags. They clashed briefly with counter-demonstrators carrying signs that read, "Now the truth will come out," and "Why didn't YOU catch him, George?" Texas Rangers separated the groups and made two arrests outside the gates of former President George W. Bush's ranch. Mr. Bush was not at the ranch at the time of the protests. He was unavailable for comment at press time, as he was reading to a group of schoolchildren in Florida.
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Labels: 9/11, Afghanistan, Al Qaida, America, April Fools, Barack Obama, Canada, Canadian Forces, captured, George W. Bush, justice, Osama Bin Laden, Pakistan, surrenders, United States, WTC bombing
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4 Comments:
Well, we're raght proud here in Oregon that the Canadians caught the old terrorist. It's nice to know that he won't be humiliated like poor old Saddam, being stuffed in a hole like that and subjected to an inevitable hanging.
I'm sure he will get a fair trial, and I hope he is innocent cause Chainie and Bu$h are next on our list. Maybe we can get them to surrender to Canada too...G:
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SSSSHHHHHH!!!! It's a secret!
We don't want to give 'em any warning, eh?
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I wonder why Google news didn't have anything about that capture. I guess they don't know what's newsworthy!
Anyway, wasn't it Saddam who came over here and started war with us? I'm almost sure that's what our beloved x-president told us.
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It's the biggest cover-up since Roswell!
And Dubya also said the economy was fine, as he snuck out the back door.
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