THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING STUFF
Used to be, we had these things called standard weights & measures. You know, pounds, ounces, quarts, gallons, miles, yards, degrees Fahrenheit, all that stuff. The bullshit started with metrics. I've got no argument with the metric system, the Europeans, the French, yada-yada-yada. Well, except that it doesn't make any sense: Freezing is 0 in centigrade? So, what's 0 degrees Fahrenheit, in C? Whoa, -30F is freaking WHAT in centigrade? And boiling is 100? What happened to the OTHER 112 degrees? And there's no way to differentiate between a really perfect day, and one that's just a little too warm or cool: It's all 20-something. Bullshit!
Metrics does not fit ordinary human reality. The old system was based on the size of a grown man's hand, arm, stride and foot. Not so precise, but truly human-scale. Metrics, I mean, they've got centimeters, right, which are like, hundreths of a yard, OK? Then they've got meters, which are like yards. But there's no feet or inches. Who the fuck wants to measure everything in yards or fractions of an inch ONLY? And kilometers? I think I can THROW stuff more than a kilometer! Downhill, anywho. A mile is more or less farther than you can see clearly, right? Anyway, it's pretty far. But what the hell is a kilometer? Sure, its better for scientific measurements, and all that crap. But for real life, ya gotta have inches, feet and miles.
The worst thing, though is this liter shit. It's a total rip-off. They sell GAS by the freakin' QUART over there! And they charge FIVE bucks for it! There's no cups, pints or gallons. Just liters, centiliters and decaliters, I think. A liter is about a quart. So, either you're buying a HUNDRETH of a quart, or TEN quarts at a time. Sure, they can divide it all up into 375, 500, 750 ml, whatever that is. But who the hell KNOWS what that is? When I buy a bottle of booze, I like to KNOW what I'm getting. You know, so I can figure my dosage: Too little, still sober, too much, puke-arama. And in other items, now you're getting these weird measurements, like 241 milliliters, 329 milliliters, 468 milliliters, which don't even correspond with an even number of ounces. It's a scam.
Bottom line: They're charging you the same, but giving you less. Even when they use a legitimate English measurement, it's never a 16 ounce pint or pound, an 8 ounce cup or half-pound: No, it;'s FIFTEEN ounces, or TEN ounces, or SEVEN freaking ounces: Always LESS than it used to be, in roughly the same package. Yet, they say there's no inflation, cuz the price is the same! HELLO! Better not try that shit on your local drug dealer, there, Mr. Greenspan. Does anybody else notice this, or is it just me?
Even if it is just me, I WANT MY GODDAM POUNDS AND GALLONS BACK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
There, I feel better now. Think I'll go take a metric shit, and use a decimeter of TP. Go on back to what you were doing. Sorry. Just hadda get that off my chest. It was CONSTIPATING me.
Metrics does not fit ordinary human reality. The old system was based on the size of a grown man's hand, arm, stride and foot. Not so precise, but truly human-scale. Metrics, I mean, they've got centimeters, right, which are like, hundreths of a yard, OK? Then they've got meters, which are like yards. But there's no feet or inches. Who the fuck wants to measure everything in yards or fractions of an inch ONLY? And kilometers? I think I can THROW stuff more than a kilometer! Downhill, anywho. A mile is more or less farther than you can see clearly, right? Anyway, it's pretty far. But what the hell is a kilometer? Sure, its better for scientific measurements, and all that crap. But for real life, ya gotta have inches, feet and miles.
The worst thing, though is this liter shit. It's a total rip-off. They sell GAS by the freakin' QUART over there! And they charge FIVE bucks for it! There's no cups, pints or gallons. Just liters, centiliters and decaliters, I think. A liter is about a quart. So, either you're buying a HUNDRETH of a quart, or TEN quarts at a time. Sure, they can divide it all up into 375, 500, 750 ml, whatever that is. But who the hell KNOWS what that is? When I buy a bottle of booze, I like to KNOW what I'm getting. You know, so I can figure my dosage: Too little, still sober, too much, puke-arama. And in other items, now you're getting these weird measurements, like 241 milliliters, 329 milliliters, 468 milliliters, which don't even correspond with an even number of ounces. It's a scam.
Bottom line: They're charging you the same, but giving you less. Even when they use a legitimate English measurement, it's never a 16 ounce pint or pound, an 8 ounce cup or half-pound: No, it;'s FIFTEEN ounces, or TEN ounces, or SEVEN freaking ounces: Always LESS than it used to be, in roughly the same package. Yet, they say there's no inflation, cuz the price is the same! HELLO! Better not try that shit on your local drug dealer, there, Mr. Greenspan. Does anybody else notice this, or is it just me?
Even if it is just me, I WANT MY GODDAM POUNDS AND GALLONS BACK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
There, I feel better now. Think I'll go take a metric shit, and use a decimeter of TP. Go on back to what you were doing. Sorry. Just hadda get that off my chest. It was CONSTIPATING me.
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posted by Cosa Nostradamus @ 10/02/2004 04:20:00 PM
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