TOP 20 HORRIBLE THINGS BUSH MIGHT DO TO KEEP HIS JOB:
1. Kill us all.
2. Blow Cheney.
3. Pull Osama out of his ass around Halloween
4. Attack a school, kill a bunch of kids, declare martial law, arrest Kerry.
5. Cry on TV, going for the sympathy vote.
6. Rig all the new electronic voting machines to declare "DUBYA!!!" the winner, and ring like slot machines.
7. Send everyone a $400 check as payment in advance for their vote.
8. Declare all of November a holiday, lift all taxes on liquor, Federalize the nation's motels and make them free for couples for up to three hours at a time on Election Day.
9. Nuke Iraq, just to get it over with.
10. Post pictures of Edwards, Photoshopped to show him in bed with a goat, on the White House website.
11. Dig up Reagan's body and drag him around to all the Bush rallies.
12. Cram his own head up his own ass and then pull it out at the next debate, and say, "See, I got yer message."
13. Pass a law saying that lying is actually telling the truth, and telling the truth is actually lying; with appropriate penalties.
14. Strafe the Kerry compound with Air Force One.
15. Chase Kerry around with Marine One.
16. Park all of our aircraft carriers off Massachusetts, and dare Kerry to come out.
17. Shoot his own dog and say Bin Laden did it.
18. Spend the next month in a prayer-meeting at Ground Zero.
19. Lock EVERYBODY up.
20. Take the space shuttle to the space station and stay up there, saying he's still President as long as he doesn't touch the ground.
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