RAPE!!!

I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSED BY LIZA TOO!!!

It Made Me Feel All Icky.

She sat on my face and sang "Cabaret." It wasn't my idea. I hate that show.

Then, she made me dress up like Dudley Moore, in a top hat and tails, and then undress, and take a bath, whilst pretending to be drunk, like "Arthur." She then insisted on bathing me, and touched my special places. (I have three. I can show you on a doll. Or, we could get a room... ) And she used a LOOFAH on me. It HURT!

I always had to say she was prettier, and more talented, and drunker than her mother. Well, she was drunker. I guess.

I'm not saying WHICH Liza with a "Z." I don't want to get sued.

She never paid me, either. The cheap bitch.

I'm afraid of her. She used to beat the CRAP out of her bodyguard. Of course, he was, like, 60-something. She offered to let me beat the crap out of him one time too, for fun. I said No, I'm not into that. So, she started beating the crap out of me.

I jumped out the window, and landed on the canopy of one of those horse-drawn carriages, by Central Park. It was embarrassing, because I was naked. And no one noticed. And then she leaned out the window of her suite, and started singing, "New York, New York," at the TOP of her lungs. And everyone in the street applauded. Just a tad too politely. But, still. I was kind of sorry I hadn't just beaten the crap out of the poor old guy.


Bodyguard Says Minnelli Made Him Have Sex

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