REALITY SUCKS

ESPECIALLY ON TV

"My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss" Debuts

I hate these stupid so-called reality shows. Nothing real about them. They're just the broadcast networks latest attempt to lower the bar on television --especially the financial bar. That's the real reason for all these crappy shows: They're cheap. No writers, no actors, schlocky directors. Just a bunch of idiots who are willing to do ANYTHING to get on TV. Eat bugs. Swap husbands. Talk to Donald Trump. It's embarrassing, for the entire species, and most of the phylum. A fellow vertebrate spit at me the other day. I blame reality TV.

I make a point of taping every new show that comes on broadcast network TV. I even watch some of them. I have like, a library of failed sitcoms, dramadies, game shows, dramas, reality shows, that I've never seen, going back years. The VCR is a wonderful time-saver. What we need now is an attachment that watches all the shows, and alerts you to the ones that don't suck. Now THAT would be a time saver. Right?

Here's what I'm gonna do: For only forty-nine ninety-nine, I will watch ALL the shows for you, and then let you know which ones are OK. You catch the re-runs. Now, if you have friends that are not IDIOTS themselves, you could just ask them what's good on TV. You're still reading here, so obviously, all of your friends are idiots. Maybe you have no friends. The subject doesn't interest me.

This offer is predicated on the idea that there at least ten thousand of you, already putting $49.99 each into plain brown envelopes, and mailing them here to me at the Residence at the Naval Observatory, in Washington DC, addressed to Hal I. Burton. That's me.

The first one is free. Then you're hooked. My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss is pretty funny. The idiots on this show are duped into thinking some actor is a billionaire, looking for a boy or girl Friday. He feeds them mashed baloney, and tells them it's pate. He offers them rare vintage French champagne, which is actually Cold Duck or some such street-urine. They love it all. They think they're on Cloud Ten, a much better neighbourhood these days than Cloud Nine ( IF you know what I mean... )

It's all so obvious, and these people are SUCH dorks. You don't feel sorry for them, because they are CLEARLY Republicans: They worship wealth for its' own sake, and will do ANYTHING just to even get next to it. Yuk. Can't wait for next week's show: It's like revenge for the election, in a small way.

Plus, it's on after the Sunday Fox comedies, which are back on. YAAAY! Simpsons, Malcolm, King Of The Hill, Arrested Development, all gold. And, you've got Desperate Housewives and Boston Legal, with Capt. Kirk (William Shatner) and Daniel Jackson (James Spader), together at last. It's about the only night that hasn't been a major disappointment on broadcast network TV, this season. My VCRs even enjoy taping on Sundays, now. I can tell, cuz they keep winking 12:00, 12:00, 12:00, which is like a smile for them. I think.

$49.95, and you too can be a happy viewer.

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