GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD

AND MAKE IT CHEWY, AND CRISPY ON THE OUTSIDE, FOR GOD'S SAKE

Don't You People Recognize The Bloody Staff Of Life???

I find that, once you leave New York City, where God lives in the off-season, you just can't get decent bread. OK, certain outposts of New York culture have carried on the tradition of well-baked bread: San Francisco sourdough, New Orleans muffaletta, LA bagels. But most of the rest of you don't know shit from Gran-ola.

Lately, there's been this trend towards pretend-bread. Certain psuedo-sub-shoppes, which shall be nameless, claim to bake their own bread, constantly, fresh. Yet, it tastes like Wondabread, the airy staff of the impoverished life. Their subs suck, too. But whatta you know, you freakin' barbarian? You've lost the very stuff of civilization, the knowledge of great bread-making.

This, I think, is where we got off on the wrong track, originally, the whole damned civilization, and onto the fake, phony, lying-ass Bush track. I mean, Bubbie, if you don't know, or care, what's in your mouth, how can you know what's in your eyes, your ears, your freakin' MIND?

If the stuff in your mouth has no flavour, spit it out. If it has no colour, no texture, no aroma, WHY IS IT IN YOUR MOUTH??? How do you even know what it is? It could be dioxin! Look at that guy in the Ukraine! Jeez, that's a Wondabread hangover, hanh?

Anyway, you people out there in Nowheresville, wake the fuck up. The unexamined bread is not worth buttering. Start acting like you are a living, thinking organism. Spit out the Bushies' unholy wafers, and tear off a chunk of the Lord's Own challah! And Mazel Tov and Chappy Chanuka! Or is it Hanukkah? Feh.


"Sweet Honey-Raisin Challah"

"The Blessing for Bread"

"About Hanukkah "

"Hanukkah Ecards"

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