RIGHT AFTER HALLOWEEN
Deck The Malls With Bows Of Lolly
Gee, can't you just feel it? That most sacred time of the year, for Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindu's, Buddhists, Taoists, Bahai's, Zoroastrians, Animists, Wiccans, Satanists, Agnostics, Atheists, Importers, Manufacturers, Wholesalers and Retailers! Boy, if you've got kids, or friends, it doesn't matter if you've accepted American shopping icon Jesus Christ as your "personal savior" or not. Come January, you'll be praying for his help with the bills, or cursing His Holy Name, and Visa's.
It's not possible to ignore Christmas in the United States. It's right in your face for two full months every year. Radio jingles, TV commercials, magazine ads, newspaper supplements, online pop-ups, email spam, junk-mail, catalogues, store displays, holiday movies, TV specials, Christmas decorations, pageants, school events, church choir concerts, parades, Santas, elves, angels, stables, mangers, creches, Wise Men, frankincense, myrrh, reindeer, flying sleighs, big bags of toys and goodies, and all that WONDERFUL Christmas music! Aaahh! It's the Hap-Hap-Happiest Time of the Year! Ain't it? But, does it have to be quite so all-pervasive? So inescapeable? SO FUCKING LONG!!!???
Imagine if the Muslims started shoving Ramadan down your throat for two months every year. Think our violently Christian friends would stand for it? Or our bizniz community? No eating all day, for a month. Hard to shop on an empty stomach. How about the Jewish High Holidays? Two months of atonement, anyone? Some pretty dreary TV specials, and holiday movies, there. Oy, vey, think of the CAROLS! And what of our Hindu friends? They've got LOTS of gods! Why not give each one two months, so they can rub our noses in their religion all year long? Or, maybe just cut this shit out all together.
You want to buy your kids presents? Go ahead. You don't need an excuse for that. OK, maybe you do, for spending several thousand dollars on those gifts. Maybe you shouldn't do that. It's bad for your bank balance, and your credit rating. And it sure doesn't help your kids grow up to be responsible, or well-adjusted. Maybe just a couple of simple presents, and a long weekend in the country together, getting to know each other. No TV, no video games, no computers. OK, bad idea. But so is all this over-the-top Xmas shit.
If you really want to show what a great Christian you are, start by leaving the rest of us alone. Then, maybe, do some good works. Nothing too radical. Buy a few books for your underfunded local schools or libraries. Kick in a few bucks to the underfunded local homeless shelter. Take a hooker to lunch. Or three! Ho-ho-ho! I believe that's what would Jesus do. Or, maybe just coffee, anyway. And, hey, go ahead pray. It's no skin off my nose. Just do it quietly. I'm trying to sleep through Christmas. Thanks.
Oh, eh... unless you want to turn it into one long fucking orgy... you know... a sexual orgy... like, with fucking? Ho-ho-ho! Call me. I'm a very devout Pagan.
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