MISSING LINK FOUND ON SPANISH COAST
HUMANS MAY HAVE EVOLVED FROM BEACH-MONKEYS
Christians Deny Ever Having Been Near Ocean
Remains found by English tourists whilst digging sand for a castle on the beach at Caldetes have proved to be those of an ancient ape. Initally, they were thought to be bones of a missing cabana-boy. No tips were found by the body, and suspicions gave way to scientific curiosity.
The remains turned out to be those of a great ape some thirteen million years old. The ape had both simian characteristics, such as fossilized banana-peelings under his fingernails, and anthropoid traits, including keys, sunscreen, and a beach towel. No clothing was found, leading to speculation that this might, in fact, be the legendary naked ape, or homo nudisto. (Spanish tourism authorities insisted that the gay clothing-optional beach was several miles down the road.)
Paleontologists were quick to deny that this find can yet be said to actually represent a missing link between apes and humans. But a man on the scene who had recently stayed in a Holiday Inn asserted that, yes, this was our direct connection to monkeydom. He was subsequently mobbed at the Barcelona airport by Christian pilgrims to the shrine of the Taco Bell dog, from Plano, Texas, and torn limb from limb. Liberal Spaniards immediately set up a shrine to him.
Services for the victim will be held at the Barcelona Airport Holiday Inn. Services for the ape are awaiting notification of his relatives, many of whom are believed to be extinct. The rampaging pilgrims have been pardoned by the Pope, and sent off for two weeks to Opryland.
Fossils Found in Spain Seen as Last Link to Great Apes
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