REALITY BITES
.
TV SHOW DROPS A HOUSE ON KALIHI VALLEY
XXXTREME TRAFFIC JAMS FROM THE DUI GUY
Those of us who live in the real world, I mean, in a normal workaday way on the actual planet Earth, not some hokey low-budget semi-unscripted twaddle-fest on the boob tube, rarely encounter those who subsist in the Second Dimension. However, of late, there have been some breaches between the dimensions, and some really flat shit has leaked out.
Some made-up girl named after a hotel in France got arrested for not being real, or not being able to prove she was real, via a drivers license, the 3-D passport. So they sent this Toon-like bi-dimensional character to real jail, and, of course, she couldn't handle it. She slipped between the bars by going all sideways, but they caught her by the tail and snapped her narrow ass back into the pokey.
Contrariwise, a sadly real sort of character slipped into the 2nd Dimension, and managed to stay there all bumpy and lumpy by dint of votes from his three-dee buddies, even though the cartoon was a singing contest, and he couldn't sing. So the inter-dimensional blow-hole blows both ways. Apparently.
Still, one doesn't expect it to blow right up one's own personal keister. But so it did, one fine morning in Kalihi Valley. I was going to pick up my friend from the back of the Valley, when I was stopped by a whole bunch of cops, some real and some renta, and forced off the road. They had to make way for a house that was just passing through. I sat in my car in a hole between TV trucks, watching an army of uniformed workers denude a grassy knoll. Then the house began to roll in, wall by wall.
It took three big huge incredible trucks half an hour to deliver the house, as we sat trapped in our cars, a whole line of us by now. Dunno why they couldn't'a just let us go through first. Apparently, the Second Dimension takes precedence over the Third. I guess the First trumps all. If you get the Point...
This sorta thing went on for two weeks, 24/7. The end result was a big honkin' house where grass used to be. I expect when I blink it will be gone again. Instant house. Just add water. Drink me. Alice, I think we're not in humuhumunu- kunukuapuaa-land any more. I think we're in a fucking cartoon! Heh-heh-heh-EH-heh!
So, if the drunk-driver guy with the bad hair life ever shows up with a house at your house, tell him to make-over his own extreme ass. Before he takes over your whole neighborhood, shuts down all the roads, suborns the local cops, and puts up million-watt lamps all over the place to eliminate all hope of sleeping for at least two weeks, even if he says it's for a good cause. Cause ratings don't count, out here in reality. Real life does. Just let us get on with it, already.
Next time you wanna do something for the community, how 'bout you ASK the community, hm, drunkie? Or, at least, WARN us! There's only one way in and out of the Valley at that point, and you blocked it 24/7 for two weeks for a stupid TV show! No regard for the sick, the elderly, the poor people who have to be at work at all hours, the kids who had to be at school. And what if there had been a fire, or some other emergency? Do you care?
Also, you left the place a mess. The landscaping was just abandoned when the cameras left. The house was built on a hill that sits above a flood-spot. Now that the grasses are gone, and most of the hill, the flooding will be that much worse. Do you care?
Just don't come on TV in September with this episode, pretending to care about the community. Because you don't.
.
.
.
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!
TV SHOW DROPS A HOUSE ON KALIHI VALLEY
XXXTREME TRAFFIC JAMS FROM THE DUI GUY
Those of us who live in the real world, I mean, in a normal workaday way on the actual planet Earth, not some hokey low-budget semi-unscripted twaddle-fest on the boob tube, rarely encounter those who subsist in the Second Dimension. However, of late, there have been some breaches between the dimensions, and some really flat shit has leaked out.
Some made-up girl named after a hotel in France got arrested for not being real, or not being able to prove she was real, via a drivers license, the 3-D passport. So they sent this Toon-like bi-dimensional character to real jail, and, of course, she couldn't handle it. She slipped between the bars by going all sideways, but they caught her by the tail and snapped her narrow ass back into the pokey.
Contrariwise, a sadly real sort of character slipped into the 2nd Dimension, and managed to stay there all bumpy and lumpy by dint of votes from his three-dee buddies, even though the cartoon was a singing contest, and he couldn't sing. So the inter-dimensional blow-hole blows both ways. Apparently.
Still, one doesn't expect it to blow right up one's own personal keister. But so it did, one fine morning in Kalihi Valley. I was going to pick up my friend from the back of the Valley, when I was stopped by a whole bunch of cops, some real and some renta, and forced off the road. They had to make way for a house that was just passing through. I sat in my car in a hole between TV trucks, watching an army of uniformed workers denude a grassy knoll. Then the house began to roll in, wall by wall.
It took three big huge incredible trucks half an hour to deliver the house, as we sat trapped in our cars, a whole line of us by now. Dunno why they couldn't'a just let us go through first. Apparently, the Second Dimension takes precedence over the Third. I guess the First trumps all. If you get the Point...
This sorta thing went on for two weeks, 24/7. The end result was a big honkin' house where grass used to be. I expect when I blink it will be gone again. Instant house. Just add water. Drink me. Alice, I think we're not in humuhumunu- kunukuapuaa-land any more. I think we're in a fucking cartoon! Heh-heh-heh-EH-heh!
So, if the drunk-driver guy with the bad hair life ever shows up with a house at your house, tell him to make-over his own extreme ass. Before he takes over your whole neighborhood, shuts down all the roads, suborns the local cops, and puts up million-watt lamps all over the place to eliminate all hope of sleeping for at least two weeks, even if he says it's for a good cause. Cause ratings don't count, out here in reality. Real life does. Just let us get on with it, already.
Next time you wanna do something for the community, how 'bout you ASK the community, hm, drunkie? Or, at least, WARN us! There's only one way in and out of the Valley at that point, and you blocked it 24/7 for two weeks for a stupid TV show! No regard for the sick, the elderly, the poor people who have to be at work at all hours, the kids who had to be at school. And what if there had been a fire, or some other emergency? Do you care?
Also, you left the place a mess. The landscaping was just abandoned when the cameras left. The house was built on a hill that sits above a flood-spot. Now that the grasses are gone, and most of the hill, the flooding will be that much worse. Do you care?
Just don't come on TV in September with this episode, pretending to care about the community. Because you don't.
.
.
.
Labels: corrupt incompetent cops, crap tv, drunk driver, DUI, extreme makeover, home edition, reality shows, rude media buttholes, Ty Pennington
TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:
Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!
posted by Cosa Nostradamus @ 6/15/2007 12:36:00 AM
View blog reactions
4 Comments:
AH! I always wondered what happens when the camera crew leaves. They should let all the traffic go first, then let the house come in!
That's just rude.
Well, it sounds like you didn't get Ty's autograph, huh? Sour grapes and all that:) I'm kidding, here.
I, for one, am totally sick of all these stupid reality shows. Maybe one or two might be fun to watch, but do we have to have so many? They really aren't reality, at all. Those people are in the spotlight and they make asses of themselves to improve the ratings. Apparently, USA loves that type of crap.
.
It's cheap, reality: They don't have to pay writers, actors or really good producers, directors, editors, etc. The executive producers, production companies and the networks get to keep all the money. And people just eat it up, you're right. I knew this would happen once disco became acceptable: Remove the artists from art, and after a while, the average schlub no longer can discern or appreciate anything. Same thing with everything from town squares and bookstores to hamburger joints and coffee shops: Corporatization is killing what little taste, what little real life most people had. Now it's art, or what little art there ever was in television...
.
.
Sorry Rob, guess you weren't signed in: Just got your comment in my email.
Actually, this went on 24/7 for almost two weeks: Cops shining flashlights in your face and giving you the hairy eyeball while you sat, trapped, on the only road in and out of the Valley. Creepy. Like being occupied. I'm sure that anybody who objected too strenuously would have found him or herself under arrest.
The City just made things worse by showing absolutely NO concern for local Valley residents, or visitors like myself. So much for voting for the most "Local" guy. (I.E., the least white guy.)
.
Post a Comment
<< Home