TV SHOW DROPS A HOUSE ON KALIHI VALLEY
XXXTREME TRAFFIC JAMS FROM THE DUI GUY
Those of us who live in the real world, I mean, in a normal workaday way on the actual planet Earth, not some hokey low-budget semi-unscripted twaddle-fest on the boob tube, rarely encounter those who subsist in the Second Dimension. However, of late, there have been some breaches between the dimensions, and some really flat shit has leaked out.
Some made-up girl named after a hotel in France got arrested for not being real, or not being able to prove she was real, via a drivers license, the 3-D passport. So they sent this Toon-like bi-dimensional character to real jail, and, of course, she couldn't handle it. She slipped between the bars by going all sideways, but they caught her by the tail and snapped her narrow ass back into the pokey.
Contrariwise, a sadly real sort of character slipped into the 2nd Dimension, and managed to stay there all bumpy and lumpy by dint of votes from his three-dee buddies, even though the cartoon was a singing contest, and he couldn't sing. So the inter-dimensional blow-hole blows both ways. Apparently.
Still, one doesn't expect it to blow right up one's own personal keister. But so it did, one fine morning in Kalihi Valley. I was going to pick up my friend from the back of the Valley, when I was stopped by a whole bunch of cops, some real and some renta, and forced off the road. They had to make way for a house that was just passing through. I sat in my car in a hole between TV trucks, watching an army of uniformed workers denude a grassy knoll. Then the house began to roll in, wall by wall.
It took three big huge incredible trucks half an hour to deliver the house, as we sat trapped in our cars, a whole line of us by now. Dunno why they couldn't'a just let us go through first. Apparently, the Second Dimension takes precedence over the Third. I guess the First trumps all. If you get the Point...
This sorta thing went on for two weeks, 24/7. The end result was a big honkin' house where grass used to be. I expect when I blink it will be gone again. Instant house. Just add water. Drink me. Alice, I think we're not in humuhumunu- kunukuapuaa-land any more. I think we're in a fucking cartoon! Heh-heh-heh-EH-heh!
So, if the drunk-driver guy with the bad hair life ever shows up with a house at your house, tell him to make-over his own extreme ass. Before he takes over your whole neighborhood, shuts down all the roads, suborns the local cops, and puts up million-watt lamps all over the place to eliminate all hope of sleeping for at least two weeks, even if he says it's for a good cause. Cause ratings don't count, out here in reality. Real life does. Just let us get on with it, already.
Next time you wanna do something for the community, how 'bout you ASK the community, hm, drunkie? Or, at least, WARN us! There's only one way in and out of the Valley at that point, and you blocked it 24/7 for two weeks for a stupid TV show! No regard for the sick, the elderly, the poor people who have to be at work at all hours, the kids who had to be at school. And what if there had been a fire, or some other emergency? Do you care?
Also, you left the place a mess. The landscaping was just abandoned when the cameras left. The house was built on a hill that sits above a flood-spot. Now that the grasses are gone, and most of the hill, the flooding will be that much worse. Do you care?
Just don't come on TV in September with this episode, pretending to care about the community. Because you don't.
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