COUCH POTATO FAMINE

Saturday night. When the Vast Wasteland becomes even . . . wastier. I vaguely recollect when Saturday was a GOOD night on TV: Great films, classic movies, corny Sci-Fi, scary horror fliks. Mom would make popcorn and we'd all bond with the Couch. Ah, the Couch! Its' great pendulous bubs always ready to receive our semi-conscious sucking! Why isn't there a Couch Day? There's a Father's Day. Why IS there a fathers Day? Might as well have a Leaky Rubber Day, a Drunken Back-Seat Orgy Day, or a Late Child-Support Check Day, for all there is to fathering. (It's GOOD to be a guy!)

Mother's Day, OK: The nine months of puking, the horrible pains of labor, the lost wardrobe, the inability to listen to good music any more, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt. The guilt alone deserves a holiday. Why not a Guilt Day? Ah, right, Rosh Hashanah! No, a non-secular one. Only NUTS believe in Gawd these days. And they'll fucking KILL ya to prove it! Maybe we should revive Saturday Night At The Movies, so we all have an excuse to stay home and avoid religious terrorist attacks.

Think about a Couch Day, though . . .


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