Blog Me No Blogs: NOT-SO DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?

CHEEKY NEW MODERN SOAP A BIG HIT

Despite Neo-Conservative Boycott

Or because of it. I was going to write about this show the other day, but I forgot. Well, I didn't forget, exactly. I was too busy fantasizing about the ladies in the cast, especially Teri "Lois Lane" Hatcher (40). Even if she weren't such a great actress, and a gifted physical comedienne, I'd pay to watch her do laundry. Which is what she does on this new ABC Sunday night Prime-Time show (9pmEDST/8pmCDST).

OK, nobody actually does much of anything on this show except scheme, spy, and sexify. Which is what I like about it. The great Felicity Huffman (42), Golden Globe winner for "Sports Night," gorgeous as always, plays a harried mother of three typical, maniacal little boys. Other than these demons, she's the one "Housewife" here who may not be so desperate. Her husband's a dope, like most TV husbands, but a decent enough guy. But (and I do mean butt) the new girl on the block, Eva Longoria (29) of 90210 fame, probably ten years younger than her neighbours, and hot as hell, is married to a real macho asshole, whom she cuckolds on an hourly basis. This may be the source of the Neocons' fury. They need to go read Shakespeare, Chaucer, Rabelais and Boccaccio. And the WHOLE Bible. By comparison, this stuff is tame. But there are PICTURES, drool-drool.

Crazy, sexy redhead Marcia Cross (43), of "Melrose Place" fame, plays a kind of Martha Stewart Stepford Wife, to the utter misery of her husband, and everybody else. But her arch-wackiness is really the spice on this show. You just can't wait to see how nuts she's going to go. Did I say "spice"? Let's get back to Teri Hatcher, "Seinfeld's" Sidra, who is frequently stark raving nude on this show. So far, no naughty bits actually showing, but sweeps week is yet to come. Will it be buns, or just the side of a boob? Surely this show can do more than NYPD Blue? Come on, Teri, take it all off! [Cue "The Stripper" music, please.]

"DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" website

"'Housewives' loses some sponsors"

Not bad for forty-somethings, eh? This show could spark a wave of marital infidelity, murder and divorce such as suburbia has never seen. Who knew the strip-malls out there were so full of bored, harried, crazy, lonely, horny hausfraus? Woo-hoo! Talk about yer big box! I'm goin' to Wal-Mart, with my shirt open!

Anyway, just to piss those neocons off, watch this show, and buy their remaining sponsors' products. Avoid products made by sponsors who have pulled out under right-wing pressure. OK, I know, this seems trivial, in the face of a potentially catastrophic election and all. Hey, consider it rest & relaxation for political types. We, the Great Silent Socially Liberal Majority have stood by over the years and let these tiny cliques and claques of uptight conservative buttholes censor and impose their weird values on our public airwaves. As a result, FREE broadcast network TV largely sucks. It's dying, in fact. So, we have to pay for cable, to get away from them.

Now the Con's want to censor cable, too, even though it doesn't use the public airwaves. Enough is enough. Adults need someplace to play, too. Let the kiddies have their Saturday morning cartoons and very special after-school specials. They should be in BED or doing homework (or churning butter, if they're home-schooled) after 8pm anyway, right? The rest of the time, TV belongs to us Big People. We need to support the odd interesting, adult show when it pops up on broadcast network TV. "Desperate Housewives" is one such rare show. And where else can three hot forty-something actresses get to star, and strut their stuff? Support the girls! Take back YOUR airwaves from the Nazi Repukes!! You don't even have to leave the COUCH for this!!!

P.S. You may also note that the manufacturers listed below control most of any market-slice they enter into; mainly by mergers and acquisitions under the "free-market," oligopolizing Republicans. As a result, one company owns Aunt Jemima, Log Cabin AND Mrs. Butterworth's pancake syrup. In frozen foods, that same company (Pinnacle) also owns Mrs. Pauls, Van De Kamps, Swansons, Chef's Choice AND Celeste. Kellogg's OWNS yer breakfast, from Kashi to Cocoa-Crispies, from Eggo's to Pop-Tarts, from Morningstar Farms to Famous Amos. (Oh, Pop-Tarts is an OK breakfast, but chocolate-chip cookies isn't???)

Another company (Con-Agra) sells canned & frozen meats, prepared foods and ethnic specialties under the names Armour, Banquet, Butterball, Dennisons, Van Camp, Wolf Brand, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, Marie Calendar, Wolfgang Puck, Hebrew National, Chun King, La Choy, Fernando's, Patio, Rosarita, AND Margherita. They also dominate the soup, sauces & canned vegetable section with Healthy Choice, Libby's, Manwich and Hunt's. In dairy and cooking oils, there's Egg Beaters, Parkay, Blue Bonnet, Fleischmann's and Wesson, all by that same company. And they've got all the popcorn, too: Act II, Jiffy-Pop AND Orville Redenbacher! THEY'VE GOT OUR POPCORN, BOYS!!!

Not many choices left, if you do decide to boycott these guys. That's a lotta shelf space, folks, in your increasingly crowded and non-competitive supermarket aisles. That's power, and companies like Con-Agra and Tyson have abused that power in the past: buying politicians, fixing prices and manipulating markets. Send them a message: You want our dough, work hard, play by the rules, and leave our kewl stuff alone! Remember, social liberals: WE'RE the majority. Don't ever let them forget it. Now, who's got the damned CLICKER???!!!

DON'T BUY FROM (and maybe write to complain to):

contact: Tyson Foods
(chicken, pork & beef products; cold cuts, etc.)

contact: Kellogg's
(Austin, Carr's, Cheez-It, Cocoa Crispies, Corn Flakes, Eggo, Famous Amos, Fruit Loops, Kashi, Keebler, Morningstar Farms, Murray, Nutri-Grain, Plantation, Pop-Tarts, Rice Krispies, Raisin Bran, Special K, Sugar Frosted Flakes, Sugar Pops, etc.)

contact: Lowe's
(hardware, etc.)

contact: Con-Agra Foods
(Act II, Armour, Banquet, Blue Bonnet, Butterball, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, Chun King, Dennison's, Egg Beaters, Fernando's, Fleischmann's, Gulden's, Healthy Choice, Hebrew National, Hunt's, Jiffy Pop, La Choy, Libby's, Mamma Rosa's, Manwich, Margherita, Marie Callendar's, Orville Redenbacher's, Parkay, Patio, Peter Pan, Reddi-wip, Rosarita, Slim Jim, Swiss Miss, Van Camp's, Wesson, Wolfgang Puck's, Wolf Brand, etc.)

contact: Pinnacle Foods
(Aunt Jemima, Celeste, Chef's Choice, Duncan Hines, Lender's, Log Cabin, Mrs. Butterworths, Mrs. Pauls, Open Pit, Swanson, Van De Kamp's, Vlasic, etc.)

Tyson Foods Accused of...

ConAgra Accused of...

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