HITS & MISSES

HOW PEOPLE FIND A BLOG

In MY Case, My "Humourous" Moniker
Has Brought In The Suckers

Yup. This past week or so, queries like "NOSTRADAMUS + EARTHQUAKE" have brought lots and lots of people to this site. Makes you think.

Just a few weeks ago, I was bitching about my nick. Search "NOSTRADAMUS" and you get a billion irrelevant hits, with me lost somewhere near the middle of the end. The term "BLOG," which I unwisely used twice in my URL, returns even more hits, of even less relevance, to me. So, I fucked up, right?

Apparently not. As the French say, Si vous aviez de merde, vous faites quelques omelettes merdeuses, si vous aviez des oeufs, or something like that. I realize now that there are thousands of nut- jobs who actually consult the faux seer of the sixteenth century for insights into today's events, and predictions of tomorrow's. Go figure.

If you read the old charlatan, you get a comprehensive training manual for fortune tellers and scam artists everywhere: Be vague, mysterious, mystical, and think big. Don't be afraid to condemn the ENTIRE planet to fire and brimstone, ten centuries hence. Odds are excellent that no one will contradict you; they can't now, and they won't, then. In fact, if there are any survivors of a next- millenium holocaust, they'll have you to thank for warning them.

I wonder how comfortable a living cousin Nostra made off this scheme? He's awfully well known for a guy who did no useful work in his entire lifetime. Gotta admire that. I sure do. In fact, all joking aside, I've decided to take Papa Damus as my role model. The first year's predictions will be yours ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! And, if you act now, I'll throw in immortal salvation, at no extra charge. BUT WAIT! There's More!

Send in your subscription for NEXT year (2006) today, and, if there is a next year, which we're not predicting (not for free), we guarantee to accurately predict everything that will occur, from soup to nuts. Especially nuts. (Which is what you'll get, if you ask for your money back just because we turn out to be wrong about the Alien Overlords or the price of ostrich-meat in Argentina.)

Just send a stack of small, unmarked bills in a plain brown paper bag to me, Hal I. Burton (my real name), c/o The Residence, Naval Observatory, Washington D.C. Hurry! Supplies of bullshit are ALWAYS limited! Nyuk-nyuk.

TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!