Saturday, January 01, 2005

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR OTHER PEOPLE WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE

STOLEN FROM SOME BLOKE CALLED  NIC KARRAN     OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

[Hic]

Everyone in the news business should retire. Everyone. Now.

Everyone in Congress should hire really good "trahl loyahs," and try to get out of their deals with the Devil.

You should share some of your beauty secrets. You look FABulous!

Everyone should have an Infomercial. Everyone. 

Your Mom should become your agent, and nag you a contract with somebody. A really good one, somewhere. ANYwhere, Mom!

Rod Serling, where are you now that we REALLY need you?

Conan should kill Jay and get it over with. John Stewart should kill Dave and take over his show, too. Then TV should just go off the air, or show naked people, after midnight. 

Army dudes should make Rummy ride in an unarmoured truck with them from Fallujah to Najev and back again. Twice. Daily. With no body armor, either, dudes. You go with the Army you have, ASSHOLE!

Show someone your tits today: A total stranger, but, like only if they're really PERFECT. If they're not perfect, then get plastic surgery, for God's sake! What's wrong with you? (Girls only.)

*BY POPULAR DEMAND: And, guys, about those penises...

10. Jesus Christ should pay a visit to the Oval Office. (Only if He really exists.)

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8 Comments:

cul said...: perfect! I especially like #8; 6:38 AM, January 02, 2005
Anonymous said...: I want 7, 8 and 10 NOW! that would rock!

weblackey; 9:09 AM, January 02, 2005
Cosa Nostradamus said...: OK, Rummy has been deployed, as is...

Conan & John are staying where they are, FOR NOW...
But I'm WATCHING you Leno & Letterman! I mean, I'm NOT watching you...

And, hm, let's see, gays & lesbians don't like big fake tits, hm... Ok, I've got it now: See changes.
See, I'm capable of learning...

And Dubya better watch out, he better not pout, the Savior of Humanity is comin' to town! Lala-la-la...; 10:45 AM, January 02, 2005
Mick said...: Cool.

01. Except Sy Hersh.

02. What? After all the trouble they went to to negotiate them?

03. OK. Some days I only eat rolls.

04. I thought we did? Seems like it.

05. Not 'anywhere.' Canada. They have health care and they don't start wars. Ever.

06. Dead. Serling was nobody's fool.

07. Agreed. But the naked people should be doing something. Playing volleyball or something.

08. Amen--and the horse he rode in on.

09. 'Show someone your tits today: A total stranger, but, like only if they're really PERFECT.'Hmm. A PERFECT Total Stranger is hard to find. If they're total strangers, how can you know if they're perfect? Unless they show you their tits/you-know first? It's like the chicken-and-the-egg thing; a puzzlement.

10. They'd probably mistake him for a terrorist, what with those robes and all, and arrest him before he even got past the gate.

And it's Mick, you dunderhead. Don't make me come over there.; 1:50 PM, January 02, 2005
oldwhitelady said...: Well, I almost did number 9. I was wearing a t-shirt with no bra and as I was outside and one of the new neighbor's was walking by, I stopped to talk to him. At least he didn't make some comment about it. I went to the store (years ago) and ran into a friend who had a drunken friend with him and the drunk commented about it .. to me.; 4:39 PM, January 02, 2005
Cosa Nostradamus said...: MICK: "Rolls?"

OK, I'm getting the correct spelling of your name down right now, Mick Youdunderhead. What is that, Welsh?

LADY: OK, that's a start...; 5:40 PM, January 02, 2005
Karlo said...: Yes. 8# and 10#! Or maybe Rummy could get divine protection during his unarmored tank runs.; 9:57 AM, January 07, 2005
Cosa Nostradamus said...: Thought he already had that.; 3:05 PM, January 07, 2005