NEWS OF BRUNO & SENILE MICE
SHAMEFUL, CREEPY, SILLY NEWS UPDATE
RECOMMENDED FOR THOSE WHOSE BLOOD PRESSURE IS TOO LOW
The Rest Of You Click On Out Of Here Before Your Head Explodes!
We'd like to believe that we live in a sane world, guided by reason, enlightened, sorta. And then we pick up the newspaper. Every day, a new series of indictments of the whole human race. Well, not you and me, buddy! We're OK. Right? Right? Hey, put down that ax!
"Caffeine Reverses Alzheimer's Disease In Mice"
One tiny mocha-soy-cheese latte!
' In the first of today's reports, mice who had been bred to develop Alzheimer's-like memory problems were given caffeine in their drinking water at 18 - 19 months old (about the age of 70 in human years), for a duration of two months. Another group of Alzheimer's mice received plain drinking water. At the end of two months, mice who had received the caffeine performed 50 percent better than the plain water drinkers - in fact, they performed as well as mice their age without dementia. In addition to the improved memory and thinking skills, the caffeinated mice had nearly a 50 percent reduction in beta amyloid, the plaques that form in the brain causing Alzheimer's disease. Investigators theorized that the caffeine suppresses bacterial formations that lead to the formation of beta amyloid plaques. The second experiment was conducted as a follow-up, this time using normal mice, those that had not been engineered to get Alzheimer's disease. The mice were administered caffeine from young adulthood through old age. In this case the mice given caffeine had the same results as the mice who were not given caffeine, suggesting that caffeine cannot improve your memory or thinking skills beyond your normal abilities. '
"Zoo evacuated after chimps escape"
Apparently, they've been reading Darwin.
' A zoo was evacuated on Sunday after about 30 chimpanzees escaped from their enclosure. The animals escaped from 'Chimp Island' and found their way into a keeper area where their food is prepared, the zoo said. More than 5,000 visitors were asked to leave Chester Zoo, near Liverpool, shortly after the break-out as keepers rounded up the chimps. '
"Spain police foil radio control zeppelin jailbreak"
Was it a led zeppelin?
' Spanish police said on Friday they had foiled an Italian drug trafficker's plan to break out of jail in the Canary Islands using climbing equipment and a four-metre-long zeppelin. "The plan consisted of using a remotely controlled zeppelin to bring him night-vision goggles and climbing equipment with which to escape," a National Police statement said. '
"No Laughing Matter: Brüno Re-sued for Emotional Damages"
Now that's REALLY tacky!
' Olson dropped her charges of assault and battery against against Cohen and NBC Universal, and is now setting her sights on the "emotional distress" the Brüno star and his film crew allegedly caused when they sent Brüno to her charity bingo tournament, according to THR, Esq. "The amendment to the original complaint does not change the cause of the injuries plead in the original complaint," Olson's attorney, Kyle Madison, told the trade. "Mrs. Olson's brain injuries were never alleged to have been derived from an assault or battery. She suffered two brain bleeds after the confrontation ensued with Mr. Baron Cohen. According to California case law, any injuries deriving from intentional infliction of emotional distress are recoverable. Mr. Baron Cohen and those associated with the production of Brüno are accountable for inflicting serious emotional distress and the resulting injuries to Mrs. Olson." '
"Berlin 'sex academy' offers tips for visitors"
I think I know this dummy!
' The show features several life-sized plastic models, naked and in various positions. One female mannequin light ups when touched in the right spot. A voice shrieks "That's it!" when the visitor manages to put his finger on the elusive G-spot. '
"Australia probes navy 'sex game' "
What's Australian for "Love Boat"?
' According to Channel Seven news, sailors on board HMAS Success put a cash value on each woman's head. Sleeping with a female officer or a lesbian, or having sex in a strange place, won more money, the report said. '
"Son tries to sell sexy photos of mum on Internet after row"
The family that... Oh, sh*t, I don't know.
' "He was quite naughty... I thought 'you cheeky little git'," she said. But she was also annoyed that Trade Me withdrew the second set of pictures, of which she approved. "I insisted Michael show me first, the little bugger. They are quite artistic. There is nothing dodgy about them." "I wanted 50 per cent of the sale, but more than that I miss the nice comments." '
ASBURY PARK PRESS, NJ
"Military academy head faces child porn charges"
Why is it always the religious nuts? Oh, right; they're nuts.
' Cedar Bridge Military Academy Superintendent Steven T. Baryla, 27, was taken into custody Monday after the execution of a search warrant yielded, "physical and electronic evidence,'' linking him to the possession and distribution of child pornography, according to a statement issued by Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford. Cedar Bridge is a privately-run, Christian faith-based camp for youths between the ages of 11 and 17 that advertises extracurricular military training and experiences. Based in Toms River, the camp itself is located outside of Harrisburg, Pa., and hosts two- to five-week training programs during the summer, according to the company's Web site. '
HOMELESS CHILDREN AMERICA.ORG
"It is unacceptable for one child in the United States to be homeless for even one day."
At long last, America, have you no shame?
' The year 2008 will long be remembered by Americans as a time when grossly overpaid bankers, captains of industry, and carmakers hobbled to Washington, hats in hand, begging for bailouts and infusions of billions of dollars. Ignored by members of Congress and the media were scores of children – many still infants and toddlers – who were homeless in the midst of this economic turmoil. Without a voice, more than 1.5 million of our nation’s children go to sleep without a home each year. Homeless, these children also endure a lack of safety, comfort, privacy, reassuring routines, adequate health care, uninterrupted schooling, sustaining relationships, and a sense of community. These factors combine to create a life-altering experience that inflicts profound and lasting scars. '
"New GI benefits vary widely by state"
Penalizing Iraq War Veterans and States that subsidize higher education: Your tax dollars at work.
' Veterans who choose a private school in Texas could get close to $20,000 a semester from the government for a typical course load. Those picking schools in California will get nothing for tuition. The explanation stems from the formula the government created, as well as a much-criticized decision by the Department of Veterans Affairs on how to implement the law. The new GI Bill covers full in-state undergraduate tuition and fees at any public college. That's far more generous than the old GI Bill, which provides a monthly stipend that is the same from state to state. But Congress also wanted to help veterans attend often pricier private schools. So the new bill offers them an amount equal to the tuition at the most expensive public college in the same state. That penalizes veterans going to private colleges in states that have kept their public university tuition low. As a result, the new GI Bill is a great deal for such vets in states like New Hampshire, New York and Texas; a pretty good one in states like Ohio; and hardly any deal at all in Massachusetts and especially California, where the state constitution prohibits public universities from charging tuition. Instead, California's public universities typically charge "fees" of several thousand dollars per year. Critics argue the Department of Veterans Affairs misinterpreted the law and should have combined tuition and fees in coming up with reimbursement levels. That would have put the total California benefit at around $13,000 per year. '.
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