WAIT FOR IT!

The Bush Administration is laying the groundwork for a surprise in October, if not an October Surprise, a la the secretly-negotiated delayed release of the Iran hostages (until Reagan could be installed as figurehead president in 1980). Last week, Pakistani puppet Musharraf said coyly that he wasn't sure where Osama was. This week, Colin Powell hinted that Osama might be back in Tora Bora, or not. Kerry, meanwhile, has taken the bait, and dared Bush to pull Bin Laden out of his lily-white Texas ass. Another Dukakis moment for the Mass-hole? What is he running for, college professor? That's what the Greek Duke is doing now. And mazel tov to him.

Powell clueless whether Osama's in Tora Bora

Intelligence Suggests Bin Laden Alive - Musharraf

Bin Laden's Image Crops Up in Ads

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THE THRONE OF CARSON

Another "who cares" moment, courtesy of one of the big broadcast 'Nets, which seem to provide little else these days, much to viewers . . . apathy. Evidently, Jay Leno, 54, is going to give up Johnny's old chair in the year 2009, if there is a year 2009. Succeeding him will be Conan O'Brian, 41. Perhaps the old farts will be ready to accept Conan's "edgey," Gen-X-referential comedy by then. Perhaps Conan will still have an edge by then. Perhaps Gen-X-ers will be geezers by then. By that time, will ANYBODY still be watching broadcast network TV? Will there even be Networks? Will there even be broadcasting? Will there even be TV?

Sifting through all the possibilities and impossibilities, or lack thereof, I'd have to say that the odds of anyone givng a hot thick creamy wet shit who runs the Tonight Show in 2009 are extremely slim. That's prolly why they announced it now, five fucking years in advance, while Conan, at least, still cares. You'd have to be the love child of Mr. Spock and Jimmy The Greek to calculate those odds. Which, no; contrary to rumour, I'm not. No, really.

Apparently, this non-news is another schpritz in the endless pissing contest between Leno and Letterman, heir and pretender to Johnny's Throne, or vice versa, depending on whom you like. I haven't watched either one of them in years. How many times can Charro be reincarnated, as Charro, anyway? Please, don't tell me. But Jay gets old quick, in real life, too, apparently. And Dave has had his rightful, scheduled coronary, so he was feeling out Conan as a successor. BAM! GOTCHA! Says Jay Leno of the Tonight Show to Dave Letterman of the Late Show. And NBC retains custody of Conan O'Brian of Late Night over CBS in the endless divorce, Johnny Carson's last of many. Who cares, as long as everyone is unhappy there in their million-dollar chairs. Anyway, CBS still has Dan Rather, right?


“In ‘09 I’ll say to Conan: It’s yours”

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