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Saturday, September 25, 2004

BIRDBRAINS OF A FEATHER?


Sinead O'Connor and George "Dubya" Bush have something in common, judging by today's news. They don't like to be criticized. I don't blame them. That's why I've never become a bald pop star, or the leader of the free world. (And, if it's so free, why does everyone keep sending me BILLS???)

Poor li'l Shinny took out an advert
(that's what they call them over there) in the Irish Examiner begging people to quit rankin' on her. Bush just called his friends at FOXnews and gave them their talking points. Do they actually think that'll work? All I can do is say "SHUT THE FUCK UP," when people call me a nut or a liar, or whatever. I don't know; maybe I should have become a bald pop-star, or the leader of the so-called free world. Then I could afford to run full-page ads in the newspaper, or order news-lackeys around. Wonder if it's too late to change careers?

Maybe I could combine the two, and become the bald, singing leader of the free world. Would anyone DARE mock me then? If they did, I could write nasty songs about them, and bomb their country into the Stone Age. Or the Beatles Age. Or the RAMONES AGE!!! YEAH!!!

Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours a day-ay-ay

I wanna be SEDATED!


SINEAD

DUBYA





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SHOULDA STUCK WITH PORNO, OR THE PREZ


This poor rich handsome famous movie star guy has REALLY got himself in an embarrassing positon now! Rob Lowe, best known as the ex-Brat Packer who videoed himself having sex with jailbait at the Democratic National Convention in Atlanta some years ago, is the star of the stupidest new show in years: Dr. Vegas. Did the title not set off alarms in his pretty head? It damned sure ain't The West Wing. He was great on that show. But he wasn't the star --Martin Sheen edged him out quickly-- so he bolted. But, to THIS??? Wow.

Vegas is another one of those places that never had a good, successful show filmed in or about it. Then along came CSI, and Lucky. Well, Lucky wasn't quite so. But it was good. Vegas is such a stupid place it can only be portrayed as a joke, or a general weirdness in the wasteland. Trying to approach it seriously, as if it were a real place, is a no-go. So is trying to portray its' own delusional self-image as a swinging mod a-go-go kewlerific hang-out for boss chicks and groovy guys, which is not even funny any more. Aging Frank Sinatra clones, Elvis impersonaters and Wayne Newton fans are not actually that hip any more, guys. Hey, Rob? Didja hear that? Shoulda listened. Couldn't you get your own aftenoon talk show, or maybe a prank-show on cable? How 'bout PBS? Less money, maybe, but less work. And not so HUMILIATING.






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