SAVE TRADITIONAL OREOS
THE INSTITUTION OF COOKIES IS THREATENED BY GAY OREOS
Gay Oreo Sex
A HINT OF MINT, THE VULGAR "DOUBLE-STUFF," AND GOD HELP US, EVEN CHOCOLATE OREOS!
Protect Our Children From These Lifestyle Choices: Even The Slightest Change Could Cause All Cookies To Crumble!
Fellow Christians and cookie worshippers, I have a sad tale to tell you. Perhaps you already know it: Our streets and our supermarkets have been overrun by purveyors of the homosexual snack agenda. That's right, brothers and sisters, the gays are in the aisles we once cherished, turning frozen pizza into panini, substituting arugula for iceberg, and warping our society's delicatessen values to conform to standards that can only be called "French" [shudder]. Where once there was good old American liverwurst, there is now only pâté . Instead of macaroni salad, sexually ambiguous "deli-istas" are purveying hummus. Could they BE any more obvious? Isn't "Hummus" just French for "homos"? Why else would they suddenly start wear prophylactic gloves just to serve up slaw and Swiss cheese? Can I get an "AMEN!!!," people?
Praise Jesus, the Republican Party is on top of this, brothers and sisters. The matter of the gay Oreos has been taken up by the Party Chairman himself, Michael Steele. Even though he is at least in part an Afro mulatto black mocha negro African-American colored person of some sort, Chairman Steele is personally offended by the gay Oreos and has pledged the full resources of the GOP, which means those of the entire global corporate world, to defending traditional Oreos. The Defend Intact Traditional Oreos Act is just baby steps away from becoming law, if the deeply perverted mint-Oreo sucking Demoqueers don't stop it. Throw your teabags out the window and shout, "I'm straight as Hell, and I'm not gonna take it up the wazoo!" [Open the window, first.] OUR CHILDREN WILL DIE GODLESS HOMOS IF YOU DON'T!!!!
What can you do? Well, it seems like these days a white Christian traditional-Oreo-loving conservative man or woman's vote just doesn't mean a thing. Thank God we managed to preserve the Second Amendment. We are recommending that every true American, by which we mean straight white Christians, download the attached Gun Stamps to purchase discounted firearms for the coming apocalypse, or, as we are rebranding it, Krystal Night, in honor of DITO spokesperson Krystal-Honey Von Nudenbacher, Miss Utah in the Miss Christian Hooters beauticians-college scholarship pageant, who was recently denied her Tenth Amendment right to secede from the union by gay homosexual bloggers only because she has accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior. She also needs a little help with the drug charges.
Fellow white Christian heterosexuals, we know you will do your part as a church-going member of the NRA. Contact your local militia leader in the bar at the VFW, and sign on to our heavily armed crusade to Defend Intact Traditional Oreos, or DITOS. If you can contribute one hundred thousand dollars or more, you will achieve instant Junior DITO-head status, and qualify for preferred seating at the Rapture. You and your loved ones will be guaranteed a place in an all white Christian heterosexual American section of Heaven, in a shining city high on a hill where you can see the Russians, the Democrats and the Homos in Hell.
But wait! There's MORE!! If you act now, you will receive absolutely free of charge a one year subsription to GOP Chairman Steele's personal newsletter, "Traditional Oreo Journal." Operators are standing by, somewhere in Bangladesh.
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