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Monday, October 25, 2004

LOST IN TRANSLATION


THIS JUST IN FROM CHINA


I Think They Mean "Fist"


But "Shits" Is Right


"Spitzer's iron wrist shits to music industry"


[It WAS there, I SWEAR to God!]




FOR SATAN AND QUEEN


No, Not The Rock Band


Yes, Beelzebub


Well, this was bound to happen. Once they allowed the worship of supernatural beings on government property, the door to Hell was opened. That's Merrie Olde England, for you. Did you know that a majority of the British people worship a guy they hung up on a gibbet, and stabbed to death, and now they drink his blood and eat his flesh, every Sunday? (What's wrong with just a regular brunch?) They make their KIDS do it, too! Sick. And that's the "Good" people!


Thank, uh, goodness we have separation of Church and State in this country! Imagine if a a bunch of religious fanatics had control of a warship, or a whole fleet, or the whole damned Navy? They might start a freakin' CRUSADE or something! Scary, hunh? They should make a MOVIE! Dibs on the concept!



"Navy approves first ever Satanist"




MADONNA, THE CARTOON


Honey, Get The Kids! And Run!!!


Material Girl Adds A Second Dimension


I'm tired. Make your own joke.



"
Madonna Said to Join Animated Film Cast"






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OMIGAWD!


THIS SHOW IS SO BUSTED!!!


No WONDER The Fundies HATE It!!!


Everyone is boinking everyone. Goats, stoats, wildebeests. OK, the stoat was just a flirtation. But Moms are doing Coaches, hot little jockettes are doing their boyfriends in the supply closet, upsidedown, mitt schlagge. Students are doing their TEACHERS!


Aah, it's male students and female teachers. Hardly even taboo. Hell, I did that! No way you'll see female high-schoolers doing their male teachers on broadcast network TV. Or is there?


It occurs to me that my teacher must have been nuts to do it with me. Talk about career suicide. Not that I would have told anyone. But if anyone had found out, she'd've been branded for life. I wonder if she ever thinks about it, about us, about me, now? Is she ashamed of abusing a child? I was fifteen. She was twentyfour. But I certainly didn't feel abused. Am I suffering from the ill-effects of this abuse? I don't think I'd've been here today, if it hadn't happened. It was a pretty bad time, for me. But I did survive. Nooky'll do that. (Share some today.)


Actually, it was love that did it. I'd never felt that before. It was more powerful by far than any drug I've ever done, before or since. And that, Dear Reader, is saying something. Just to recognize, so viscerally, the feelings, the humanity, the utter realness of another person. To know her deepest emotions, so intertwined with my own. To smell, to taste her, to this day... I don't think they can do that on TV. I don't think they'll ever do real, deep, first love on television.


Maybe pay-per-view



"LIFE AS WE KNOW IT"




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