Saturday, December 04, 2004

SMOKE

FUMES, CARBONACEOUS CARCINOGENS, FIRE'S SISTER

God, I Love The Smell Of Napalm In The Morning...

Well, not so much napalm, as the stuff it burns. I've always loved a good fire. Not enough to start one, mind you, like the pyromaniac kid from our gang who grew up to be a Fire Chief. I prefer to let nature take its' course. And nurture, as long as it involves ba-ba-que.

Chicken, beef, pork, fish, crab, sausages, burgers, dogs, corn, veggies, spuds, steak, oh baby babaqued STEAK! Really, the only excuse for American civilization. Smoke. The smoke of our enemies' villages, the cries of his women and children. It's Miller time.

And tobacco, of course, Hiawatha's revenge: That first toke on the piece pipe, after that first piece of inter-racial American ass. Three cheers for the red white and blue balls, Baby! Cigars, cigarettes, pipes, chaw, snuff, dip, nicotine gum ferchrissakes.

The New World's first drug. Still controlling the body politic after five hundred years. Aaaaahhhh. Oh, you don't smoke? You don't know what you're missing, Bubbie. It's a whole new sensual treat. Like eating air. Breathing water. Imbibing the ghost of a plant. Sucking a cloud's face.

Mmmmmhhhmmmhhhaaaaahhhhh.

Sure, its bad for ya. Most things worth doing are. Sex'll kill ya. Drugs too. Rock'n'roll, well, that'll just BORE ya to death, these days. But, boy it sure killed Jimi and Janis and Jim in style! Better to burn out, than to rust away, ay, Neil?

Nobody really wanted to see a very special Brian Jones Christmas on NBC every year, anyways, right? And howl one for me, ya werewolves o' London. A-oooo! In memory of Warren Zevon, the smoking lamp is lit. Fire 'em up, smoke 'em if ya got 'em, take five.

It's such a venerable tradition, smoking. You stand outside the herd for a few long, necessary minutes, contemplating life and death, breathing smoke in and watching it billow away. A rare opportunity for thought, in our thoughtless culture. I wonder if Bush could have been elected, if we all still took time for a smoke, and a few private thoughts. PRIVATE THOUGHTS??? Is that still LEGAL???

But we're so prissy, now. So careful of our precious health, as if we had a golden ticket for a hundred years each, signed by Willy Wonka. While The Powers That Be contrive to nuke us, just for fun. I'd rather die of cancer, may it please thee. Couldn't we make a healthy cigarette? Nah. Probly be like pussy that don't stank. Ain't worth it.

I can't smoke at all now. I'm getting a cold, or flu or something. Gotta beat it before it turns into pneumonia, again. Western Civilization might not survive without my blog. The World, As We Know It, can't afford to go even one day without my wise and sage counsel. Gotta... fight... the... bug.

It sucks. So, I'm woofing voggy Korean BBQ, hot hazy links,SMOG-EEE-Burgers, huli-huli chicken, and shooting up Liquid Smoke. And there's this chippy in Alburquerque with my name on her, name 'a' Brume. Or maybe it was Bruja. Seriously, she tatooed Nostradamus on her ass. Alburquerque means smoky butt, ya know.

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MICROSOFT INVENTS BLOGGING

EVEN I BEAT THEM TO THIS ONE

In The Beginning, There Was The Word: And Then Illiterate Microsoft Came Along And Dumbed It Down

Now, let's see how they fuck it up, and CHARGE us for it. Or run everyone else out of business. Microsoft has never invented anything. They bought DOS from some nerd, and sold it to IBM. They stole Windows from Apple & Xerox. They ripped off Internet Explorer and Outlook Express from Mozilla and Eudora.

They've been WAY behind the curve on every idea from desktop- publishing to digital music & file- swapping. They've only just caught on to search engines. Not to worry, Google: Performance is not Bill Gates' thing.

They basically just wait for somebody else to find a trend with a new product or service, then buy it cheap, or steal it and run the originator out of business. The odd thing about this is, blogging is free. Anybody can blog now, for nothing. So what's in it for Microsoft? Don't worry, they'll think of something. Some way to fuck it all up, then charge you for it.

Count on obnoxious sub- categorizations, strict anti- adult- content rules, and sudden, arbitrary, no- warning destruction of entire blogs. Oh, and they own all posts. I've had "Groups" or "Communities" (BBS) on MSN for years: They suck. I expect the same from MS Blog, or whatever they call it. LOTS of ads. And lots of technical glitches. We used to say MS stood for Multiple Sclerosis, they were so unreliable.

"Blogging can be about more than blogging," MS said. Meaning, at last, totally illiterate blogs, I guess. Microsoft, of course does not have a feed- reader. Even I know what that is. Sort of. They don't. And yes, they do filter out "certain" words, in your posts, if they don't just lose the whole FUCKING post, as happens on MSN Groups all the time. They suck. And you can't even SAY that on MS Blog.

OH, they're not even using the word "blog;" just like they never used the term "BBS" or bulletin board. Like, they invented the shit. Well, maybe it's good they're not calling their bullshit a blog service. Leaves the blogosphere pure of unwriterly influences. Until Redmond tries to eliminate us all... Watch for it.

Microsoft has been very active, of late, in the judicial, regulatory & legislative battles against spam. They're trying to run the indies out of business, even as they spam the living shit out of the rest of us, MS-style.

Look for a major effort to "clean up the Web," i.e., the blogosphere, headed by Microsoft, soon. Only their sanitized blogs will be left standing, pliant to the wishes of Bush & the Fundies. No more KOS or Atrios. Freedom of speech is about to be privatized, me hearties. Long live the Pirate Blogs! Hoist up the cyber-skull & crossbones! Aaaargh!

"A So-So Debut For Microsoft's Blog Service"

"MSN bloggers try to foul up censorship tool"

"More 'Spaces' reaction"

Send comments to cosanostradamus AT excite DOT com.

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.