RUSH COMMANDS: DESTROY AMERICA

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"IF I CAN'T HAVE HER, NOBODY CAN!"


OLDIES' FAVORITE RADIO SHOCK-JOCK THREATENS TO KILL AMERICANS


Disoriented Hillbilly-Heroin Addict Calls On Followers To "Kill Everyone"

After praising the two most recent murders of liberals by his ditto-heads, the world's second fattest openly-Fascist entertainer & Republican Party Reichsmarshall, Rush "Der Fuhrer" Limbaugh threatened to "blow up the entire United States of America" if everyone did not accede to his demands immediately. His demands included the removal of all non-white, non-Christian, non-heterosexual, non-native-born, non-male, non-Republican, non-conservative, non-Rush-fans. And unlimited freebies at Pizza Hut. Plus soda.

I response to Limbaugh's call to arms, legions of walking near-dead Rush-is-Rightists flooded suburban shopping malls and McDonalds beginning at 5am, waving WWII-era rifles and hand grenades and threatening to "eat their young." Police used Metamucil gas to subdue the oldsters, then tasered them while they were on the ground. Local police chiefs called the tasering "f**kin' kewl," and "like, TOTALLY by the book, dude." The book, it turns out, is "Mein Kampf."

The White House made a counter proposal to Limbaugh's demands: As all of the above "acceptable" persons would fit on a small island, President Obama offered a short-term lease on the uninhabited parts of Eniwetok, in the Marshall Islands. He promised to test no more than one nuclear device on the Micronesian atoll in the next eight years.

Republican Party leaders criticized Limbaugh's stance but then immediately retracted their criticism and begged for forgiveness after Limbaugh posted photographs of them raping and eating male babies on his website. They would admit only to raping female children, a conservative pastime since the days of Lot. If it's in the Bible, it's OK. Just ask the prophet Rush.


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