NEWS TO AMUSE

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WEIRD SCENES FROM OUTSIDE THE GOLD MINE



BULLS & BEARS, VEGGIES & DINOSAURS, COPS & ROBBERS, ROBOTS & ARRANGED MARRIAGES

A Wide Assortment Of Absurd Current Events This Week. Enjoy.

The worst thing about human society is the people. Without the people, humanity would be great. What a society we could all have if only there were none of us. Fortunately, science and industry, diplomats and the military are working on that. Thanks to their efforts, someday, Gawd willing, it will be nice and quiet on this planet. We only hope we live to hear it. See you then!


GOOGLE NEWS
"1 dead at Pamplona; first goring death since '95"
Cappuccino kills!

' A charging bull gored a young man to death Friday at Pamplona's San Fermin festival, the first such fatality in nearly 15 years. Nine others were injured in a particularly dangerous and chaotic chapter of the running of the bulls. The last fatal goring at the running of the bulls claimed the life of 22-year-old American Matthew Tassio in 1995. In 2003, a 63-year-old Spanish man, Fermin Etxeberri, was trampled in the head by a bull and died after spending months in a coma. Friday's death raises to 15 the toll since record-keeping began in 1924. A brown, 1,130-pound (515-kilogram) bull named Cappuccino fell early in the run and ended up on its own. Cappuccino is the bull behind Friday's fatality, although this happened in a slightly earlier stretch of the route, said one of the herders, Humberto Miguel. '

REUTERS
"Oldest U.S. mounted police unit gets budget axe"
Buried the lede! "Police officers sent to glue factory."

' But after 150 years, police officials said they need to eliminate the mounted unit, a move city officials estimate will save some $700,000 (422,500 pounds) for a city budget that has been strained by a 19-month long U.S. recession that has hammered tax revenue. '

REUTERS
"Australia discovers 3 new large dinosaurs"
Throw another Carpopenaeus on the barbie, mate!

' Fossils of three new species of dinosaurs have been discovered in Australia, including a meat-eater larger than Velociraptor from the Jurassic Park movies, suggesting Australia may have a more complex prehistoric past. The two plant-eating and one carnivore dinosaurs, the first large dinosaurs unearthed since 1981, were found in Queensland and date back 98 million years to the mid-Cretaceous period. "It not only presents us with two new amazing long-necked giants of the ancient Australian continent, but also announces our first really big predator," paleontologist John Long, head of sciences at Museum Victoria said on Friday. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Plant disease hits eastern US veggies early, hard"
No wonder the killer tomatoes attacked us! They think we're responsible for this!

' Meg McGrath, professor of plant pathology at Cornell University, calls late blight "worse than the Bubonic Plague for plants." "People need to realize this is probably one of the worst diseases we have in the vegetable world," she said. "It's certain death for a tomato plant." '

INFORMATION WEEK
"Toyota Develops Mind-Controlled Wheelchair "
They couldn't have started with maybe a snack-cart prototype? Can't wait to see the love dolls.

' The system enables a person to make a wheelchair turn left or right to move forward simply by thinking the commands. The response time is in 125 milliseconds. One millisecond is equal to 1/1000 of a second. The BTCC's system uses several sensors placed over the areas of the brain that control motion to measure electrical activity in the region. The electical impulses triggered by the rider thinking of turning or moving the wheelchair are picked up and analyzed by an onboard laptop that passes the commands on to the wheelchair. The system has an emergency stop that can be activated by the user puffing his cheeks. In the future, the BMI technology is expected to be applied to other types of brain waves that generate various mental states and emotions, the BTCC said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sears Tower unveils 103rd floor glass balconies"
I'd be afraid that if I coughed one or both of my nuts would pop out of my mouth on that balcony.

' The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet from the building's 103rd floor Skydeck. Their transparent walls, floor and ceiling leave visitors with the impression they're floating over the city. "It's like walking on ice," said Margaret Kemp, of Bishop, Calif., who said her heart was still pounding even after stepping away from the balcony. "That first step you take — 'am I going down?'" Kemp was among the visitors who got a sneak preview of the balconies Wednesday. "The Ledge," as the balconies have been nicknamed, open to the public Thursday. Visitors are treated to unobstructed views of Chicago from the building's west side and a heart-stopping vista of the street and Chicago River below — for those brave enough to look straight down. '

NPR NEWS
"Revolutionary War Museum Surrenders"
It was the "Joey Buttafuocco's Ye Olde Sunshine Patriot Taverne: Authentic Colonial Cheese Steaks" right on the battlefield next to the museum that did it. Waiters with their feet wrapped in rags. Tacky.

' A final Revolutionary War battle has come to an end. Plans for a $200 million museum complex inside Valley Forge National Historical Park — where George Washington's army once camped — have been scrapped. After vocal opposition and legal challenges, the planned American Revolution Center will now be built about 25 miles away, in the heart of Philadelphia. '

LA TIMES
"No Michael Jackson resolution in Congress"
Your tax dollars at work. Or not.

' Pelosi said she did not think it was necessary for Congress to have a resolution to honor Jackson. "What I have said to my colleagues over the years . . . is that there is opportunity on the floor of the House to express their sympathy or their praise any time that they wish," she said. "A resolution, I think, would open up to contrary views that are not necessary at this time." Rep. Barbara Lee (D-Oakland), chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, declined to comment Thursday on Pelosi's decision. The resolution was sponsored by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas), who attended the Jackson memorial service in Los Angeles on Tuesday. The resolution called for honoring Jackson as a "global humanitarian and a noted leader in the fight against worldwide hunger and medical crises" and celebrating him as an "accomplished contributor to the worlds of arts and entertainment." Some lawmakers have paid tribute to Jackson from the House floor. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Judge blocks publication of Salinger spinoff book"
Phony bastards!

' U.S. District Judge Deborah Batts issued her written ruling in Manhattan after considering arguments in a lawsuit brought by the 90-year-old reclusive author against the publishers of "60 Years Later: Coming Through the Rye." Batts said Swedish author Fredrik Colting had "taken well more from `Catcher,' in both substance and style, than is necessary for the alleged transformative purpose of criticizing Salinger and his attitudes and behavior." She said Colting's claim that he also wrote the book to critically examine Salinger's most famous character, Holden Caulfield, was "problematic and lacking in credibility." She also rejected arguments that the depiction of a character in Colting's book to represent Caulfield 60 years later was a parody. She said in a footnote that Colting and his publishers made no indication before the lawsuit was filed that the book was meant as a parody or critique of Salinger's work. '

REUTERS
"Medici lawyer says Kohn didn't get Madoff payments"
If you think their artists are great, wait till you see their attorneys!

' Investors are suing Medici in Austria and the United States. Some of the lawsuits contend that Kohn was implicated in Madoff's scheme or that she should have grown suspicious of his steady performance and should have warned investors. '

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"British warning: Summer is forced marriage season"
There's still time to register at Chattel.com.

' Seventeen years old, she had already refused to marry her first cousin two years earlier – an act of defiance that resulted in her being withdrawn from school by her parents. "I couldn't believe they had brought me from Birmingham to Pakistan on such a huge lie," she says. "It crushed me." That was more than decade ago, but government figures released today suggest the true scale of Britain's forced-marriage problem is only now beginning to emerge. It is estimated that between 5,000 and 8,000 cases of forced marriage occurred in Britain last year, according to the Department for Children, Schools, and Families. Most are teenage girls from Britain's large Pakistani, Bangladeshi, and Indian communities. They're married off, according to the report, to bond the young women to their community, keep clan promises, or as a way to provide a British visa for a foreign family member or friend. The figures have delivered a fresh jolt to Britain's multicultural paradigm, which until recently handled reports of forced marriage and associated "honor crimes" as cultural issues, beyond the remit of the justice system '

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