GRIMY RHYMES

FILTHY LIMERICKS

Dirty Ditties

There was a young student from Boston,
Who drove around town in an Austin.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls hung way out and he lost 'em

In the garden of Eden lay Adam
Complacently stroking his madam.
He was loud with mirth
For he knew that on earth
There were only two balls and he had'em.

There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it."

There was a young fellow named Jean
Built a GREAT masturbation machine
Concave or convex
It would fit either sex
But the thing was a bastard to clean

Let us all tip our hats to the Persians
Whom we note for their kinky diversions
They make love all day
In the usual way
And save up the nights for perversions

There was a young lass from Mauritius,
Who thought her last shag was delicious,
but she said, "Next time,chum,
it'll be up the bum,
because that spot on your dick looks suspicious!"

There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
(the Unibomber)

There once was a Malibu peasant,
Who thought gerbil-stuffing was pleasant.
When stuffed up his rectum,
They were bound to infect him
And his buttocks became incandescent.

Young Brother Ignatius the Gracious
Kept harems of Asians curvaceous
The Abbot would visit
For humpings illicit
Remarking, "Good Geishas, Ignatius."

There was a young damsel named Baker
Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker.
He yelled, "My God! just what
Do you call this - a twat?
Why the entrance is more than an acre!"

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AU CANADA

NEWS FROM THE FROZEN WILDERNESS ABOVE OUR HEADS

Tens Of Thousands Protest Bush Visit

People are marching in the streets in Canada, peacefully protesting war, injustice, and electoral fraud. We don't do that here, any more, in America. Whatever happens now, we just sit there and take it. Pretty much everybody has more brains and more balls than we do. Almost makes you want to get the fuck out of here.

Ever been to Canada? It's nice. I like it. Only ever been to Montreal, Quebec city, and a few small towns in Quebec province. Nice people, the French up there. They live well, in their dark cold corner of the world's largest country. Good food, good company, good music. They know how to live, them Frenchies.

I remember sitting in a cafe in the Rue St. Catherine, kind of a main drag in Montreal. A cross between New York's Fifth Avenue shopping district, Greenwich Village's bohemian cafe society, and Times Square's former adult fun. I walked from one end of it to the other, window-shopping, people watching, bar-hopping. The strip bars featured total nudity with alcohol, always a boost on a chilly night. Ain't girls beauty-full? I ended up in the red light district, and stopped in at a warm, friendly-looking coffee shop.

Sitting in the next booth were four hookers, one of whom kind of reminds me, now, of the fake French one on "The Kids In The Hall." She was a girl, though, but with the same kind of scandalous French exuberance. I believe they call it joie de vivre. We don't do much of that here any more, either, en Amerique. The ladies of the evening were discussing their clientele, hilariously. Right behind me sat a full table of kids and their parents, on a family night out. It was well after midnight, but everyone was quite lively. The kids were switching effortlessly back and forth between French and English, accentlessly, as far as I could tell: Well, Canadian/ Quebecois accents, only.

It was wonderful sitting there between these two extremes of Montreal society. Not something you would be likely to see in the States, even in New York. The two tables chatted away, not entirely oblivious, not at all inhibited, not disrespectful of one another, just peacefully co-existing in the same cafe together, enjoying a rest and a meal after an evening out. Hard to imagine this kind of unconscious tolerance in the United States, today.

I have family in Canada. I once thought of moving up there, during the Vietnam War. Instead, I just kept moving. I ended up in the Marines, much later, as a volunteer, not a draftee. Lots of people escaped the draft by moving to Canada, back then. Some of them are still up there. Lots of people in the U.S. are contemplating Canadian exile now. It's a big country. The population is only about the size of New York State's. Much less than California's. And it's cold. And very white. They never had slavery, and most U.S. runaways got off the underground railroad before the very last stops, up in Canada. So, it's different up there.

If everybody goes up there, it won't be the same any more, in Canada. We might not be able to resist Americanizing it, like we do everything else. They might not be able to resist us. And, I wonder, can the US really afford to lose a lot of good people right now, just as a few really bad people are taking over down here? I don't think so. So, I guess I'll stay put. I think we all should stay put. And fight. Fight for that joie de vivre. But thanks, anyway, Canucks. Way to give Bush the what-for.




"M. Bush veut se réconcilier avec le Canada"


"A very Canadian protest"



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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

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