ALIEN PIGS ATTACK AMERICA
REPUBLICANS WELCOME PORCINE E.T.'S
ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, MARINES & COAST GUARD PREPARE FOR "OPERATION BBQ"
United States Takes Aim At Domestic & Extra-Terrestrial Swine; Will Smith & David Duchovny Called Up
President Barack Obama ordered the arrest of the entire Republican Party today, citing their collusion with hostile visitors from another galaxy. Republican leader Rush Limbo was caught in bed with three little alien pigs in his Florida compound, known as "The Piggery." His house-keeper, Loisaida Carnitas, squealed on him to Homeland Security, reporting that Limbo had been having relations with under-age alien pigs since his first trip to the Dominican Republic in 2006.
The Commander-In-Chief placed the National Aeronautics & Space Administration under the direct command of the Pentagon first thing this morning. Three alien Mother Ships, or "astro-sties," were blasted out of the skies by combined Air Force and NASA forces above Tempe, Arizona, where a surrender was being negotiated by Senator John McCain without authorization from the lawfully elected government. McCain attempted to flee, and was gunned down on the spot. The Vietnamese government has claimed him as a sleeper agent, and will arrange for the removal of the offal.
An epidemic of global proportions has been raging for almost a week now, caused by mysterious "sick-rays" trained upon the Earth by the aliens. Red States have, suspiciously, not been targeted. Fundamentalist and machismo nations have also escaped the effects of the plagues. "Honor among pigs," the Surgeon General called it. Defense Secretary Robert Gates is scheduled to hold a press conference at 4 PM Eastern time Tuesday in Washington, DC, where he is expected to announce a major offensive against the pigs, alien and terrestrial. "It'll be good to be slaughtering somebody who deserves it, for a change," a senior Pentagon aide commented.
Throughout the United States, Americans have declared their allegiances. Based on an alien pig promise of "no new taxes," almost ten per cent of the population has gone over to the extraterrestrial swine. The other 90% are now Democrats. They will be searching house to house for any remaining Republicans, all of whom are now loyal only to pigs from outer space.
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