GOD PUNISHES MIDWEST FOR HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE

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THE ALMIGHTY CLEARLY DOES NOT APPROVE OF CHRISTIANITY

TRADITIONAL FAMILY VALUES CAUSE WIDESPREAD FLOODING, CROP FAILURE, FAMINE, DISEASE, DEATH, ANARCHY WORLDWIDE

Could Extremely White President Be Sign Of The Apocalypse?

America's "Heartland" is under seige. After years of flagrantly straight white Christian moral living, disaster after disaster is sending a message to Midwesterners: Stop repenting. Marry your dog, your cat, your gay homosexual brother or lesbian sister, please, just do whatever it takes to end this Armageddon, before it's too late. Have your preachers eat babies in the pulpit, if necessary. You owe it to the world.

Millions of innocent people will die because of crop failure caused by flooding along the Missouri, and Mississippi Rivers. God knows, all along these rivers, Christians are amassed, doing unspeakable Christian things without regard for the consequences, which are now obvious. Animist, Pagan, Wiccan, Druid, Confucian, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Agnostic and Atheist priests have condemned Christian behavior from their pulpits for years, to no avail. Out there in the darkness, Christians continue their strange rituals and attacks on non-Christians, claiming everything they do is worship of and submission to God. And now they have God's answer: "Stop it!"

Reputedly "godless" cities such as San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, New Orleans and Miami continue to enjoy mild and pleasant weather this Summer, proof that their lifestyle choices are preferred by God. Free-loving citizens of these cities may soon be doing nude dances in the streets in celebration of the "Days of Reckoning" in the Christian Mid-West, swearing blood-oaths and conjuring weather-demons for all the past imprecations and evil prayer-spells issued by Middle-American ministers against their coastal cities. In your face, Jesus!
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