AUTUMN LEAVES

IT'S FALL

Where You Are, Maybe

A lot of people think Hawaii is a paradise. Well, it is, in a way. The land and the sea are beautiful. There are no large predatory animals, except sharks. And the grasses and the trees and the flowers bloom all year long.

And there's the rub. The fly in the ointment. The skunk at the garden party. The snake in Paradise. Nothing ever changes, much. You have to look at your watch to see what month it is. There are no seasons. We've had as many days in the nineties in February as in August, since I've been here. It's supposed to rain more in the Winter, and less in the Summer. But it seems to have forgotten that, these last few years. It's getting senile, I guess. Poor old thing. We get hurricanes in the late Spring, early Summer; and again in the late summer, early Fall. But they usually can't find us, out here in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully.

Thanks are a problem, here. Those who have lived here all their lives don't appreciate the weather, fully. Every day is a perfect summer day here, almost without exception. Mild and sunny, with balmy breezes and the smell of flowers. The kind of day that would have everyone in New York walking around with a shit-eating grin on their faces. Warm rain is the worst weather we ever get here. No one even owns an umbrella. Most stores don't even carry them. The only time you see them is when a Japanese lady is trying to protect her pale skin from the sun. If you tan, and you want it to last forever, move to Hawaii, and don't ever leave.

Most of the locals never do leave. So, they are entirely innocent of the notion of climate. I was trying to explain to a girl here what Spring was like, in the Northeast. After a long, cold, grey, miserable, colourless, deadening Winter, suddenly, the Earth comes alive. Out of the slush and the grime and the muck come flowers, unbelievably. Every year we find ourselves looking closely at them, as if we had never expected to see them again, and couldn't understand how they had found their way back to life again.

Then the trees burst out in buds, and the grasses magically revive. Everything is alive again, the most wonderful miracle, and everyone feels as if they had been reborn. Easter is special, a pagan holiday, and we all feel as if we had rolled away the stone, and come back from the dead. It's romantic, in a foolishly young way. Even God is susceptible to love, apparently, at Springtime. Ah, sunshine and warm rain and colours and the scent of flowers, and it's almost like Hawaii, for a few weeks, every year.

"No way," this girl said. "No flowers?" Nope, I told her, all winter long, no flowers. She didn't believe me. So, how could I tell her about Autumn? When, slowly, everything dies, beautifully, passionately, embracing life one last time, defiantly, in a million colours and in the crisp, clean, envigourating air, and in the frenzied preparations of animals for the long, long Winter.

She would never understand the experience, having never had it. She would never comprehend the transcendental moments of peace and joy, walking in the woods in September in New England, October in the Middle Atlantic, November in the Southeast. That moment when everything changes, all around you. You know, then, that you are changing too. You're a little older, and differently foolish, and the dying woods remind you that they have died before, and lived again, and you will, too. If only in the Springtime.

I envy you your horrible weather, sometimes, you Mainlanders. Like now. Enjoy it. The Winter is coming. And then you may envy me. At least, I hope so. Otherwise, what the Hell am I doing here? There's no goddamned SEASONS!

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BREAKING THE COMMANDMENTS

NOW THAT THE FUNDIES ARE IN CONTROL

Gods Laws Will Be Observed Everywhere, Except Iraq

Let's review, kids. See how many Commandments you know! And see which ones Republicans have violated, recently:

1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.
Some Fundies don't adhere to this, completely.
"Bush is a spiritual leader, praying for our nation."

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
Giant wall-plaques, huge stone monuments, and tchatckes of all kinds excepted.
"Ten Commandments Yard Signs"

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
Do church websites count?
"god hates fags dot com"

4. Remember thou keep holy the Sabbath Day.
Unless that happens to get in the way of military expediency.
"Iraqi, U.S. forces raid mosque"

5. Honor thy Father and thy Mother.
Unless you can make MONEY doing otherwise.
"Bush Social Security Plan Would Help Banks, Hurt Seniors."

6. Thou shalt not kill.
Unless so ordered.
"Marines compare Fallujah mission to battles of King David"

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Unless you have control of Congress, already.
"The Republican Wife-Cheating Hall of Fame"

8. Thou shalt not steal.
Unless you know the right people.
"Cheney, Halliburton Helped Saddam Fleece Oil for Food Program"

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
Unless there's money involved.
"Senator to withdraw children from online school back home"


10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house; thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
Wonder if this covers thy neighbours information?
"Frist: Tax-returns measure indefensible"




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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!