Bookmark and Share Subscribe

Saturday, August 29, 2009

CHEAP, EASY RECIPES FOR INSTANT GOURMETS

.
NO TIME TO AGE YOUR WINE & CHEESE?
NO MONEY? NO PROBLEMO!


YOUR ENVIRONMENT, INCLUDING YOU, ALREADY HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO MAKE FINE FOODS FASTER!

THE TWILIGHT ZONE
"To Serve Man"
It's a COOKBOOK!


How To Use The Bacteria You've Been Feeding, Clothing & Housing All Your Life. Your Guests Will Never Know The difference.

In reality, this is how the pro's do it. Well, back in the Stone Age. There have been some improvements in food tech. But they're slow, complicated and expensive. Now you too can eat, drink and be merry just like the real foodies, in a matter of minutes and hours, not months or years. Just follow these simple recipe's, and you're in like Wolfgang Puck!

1. Gourmet Yoghurt:
Sneeze into a tall glass. Add milk, to taste. Let stand uncovered in the warmest part of the refrigerator until it looks like pudding. Enjoy!

2. Gourmet Cheese:
Gather Fromunda cheese from under your various & fragrant underplaces. Add to slices of Velveeta. Drop on the floor. (The cheese, stupid, not you.) Season to taste. Pick it up. Bon appetit!

3. Gourmet Pate:
Leave slices of liverwurst on the bus, under a seat in the hottest part, near the rear. Ride the entire route, twice. Collect slices of liverwurst, which are now indistinguishable from foie gras. Serve on toast points. Champagne optional. (See below.)

4. Gourmet Bread:
Order a tuna sub on toasted Garlic & Herb bread at Subway. Tell them to hold the tuna. (If they ask where, say, "Between your legs." They love that.) Make sure they put nothing on it but oil & olives, before toasting. Serve with homemade foie gras & fromunda cheese. Tell your friends you've discovered this interesting new baker in the gay part of town. It's time you came out of the closet anyway.

5. Gourmet Champagne:
Collect old champagne bottles from rich people's trash. Fill with any sparkling clear white, yellow or pink alcoholic beverage, other than beer. Chill almost to freezing. Serve from stolen champagne bottles, pouring into real champagne glasses. Your snobby friends will never know. Salut!

6. Gourmet Chocolate:
Place a medium-sized Hershey's chocolate bar between your buttock cheeks. Go about your business. At the end of the day, remove the softened, perfumed chocolate bar and place it in your freezer. When friends come over, offer them tiny slices of the "extra-extra-bittersweet" chocolat Belge you have created. Mmmm.

7. Gourmet Coffee:
Raid the Starbucks dumpster for old empty coffee bags. Fill with dirt. Good, dark, flavorful dirt. Put it through your snotty neighbor's espresso machine, add hot frothed soy milk, nutmeg, a splash of orange juice, and some bits of that butt-chocolate. Serve in funny little cups from the thrift store. Good to the last drop.
.
.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,



TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.



IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:
Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.
Digg!
Add to Google




SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!



HOME
NEWEST POST



POST COMMENTS above, or send them to cosanostradamus AT excite DOT com.

View blog top tags

LOCAL LINKS

HONOLULU, HAWAII: MEDIA: NEWSPAPERS & MAGAZINES

| HONOLULU ADVERTISER | HONOLULU STAR-BULLETIN | HONOLULU WEEKLY | PACIFIC BUSINESS NEWS | HAWAII MAGAZINE | HONOLULU MAGAZINE | MIDWEEK | PENNYSAVER | SPOTLITE HAWAII |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: MEDIA: TELEVISION STATIONS

| ABC KITV4 (oc6) | CBS KGMB9 (oc7) | FOX KHON2 (oc3) | MYNETWORKTV KFVE5 (oc5) | NBC KHNL13 (oc8) | PBS KHET11 (oc10) |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: RADIO STATIONS

| NPR KHPR 88.1 FM | NPR KIPO 89.3 FM | UNIVERSITY OF HAWAII KTUH 90.3 FM | LOCAL KSSK 92.3 FM/ 590 AM | HAWAIIAN MUSIC KINE 105.1 FM | "JAWAIIAN" KCCN 100 FM | SPORTS KKEA 1420 AM | TALK KHNR 690 AM | TALK KHVH 830 AM | TALK KUMU 1500 AM |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: GOVERNMENT & MILITARY

| CITY & COUNTY OF HONOLULU | STATE OF HAWAII | HAWAII MILITARY | HAWAII VISITORS & CONVENTIONS |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: INFO & SERVICES

| CAREER-BUILDER JOBS | HONOLULU CRAIGSLIST JOBS & HOUSING | HONOLULU WEATHER | UH SPORTS | HONOLULU MAPS | HONOLULU TRAFFIC | OAHU WEBCAMS | DA BUS | HAWAII.COM-tourists |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: HOTELS, SHOPPING, RESTAURANTS, NIGHTLIFE, CULTURE

| WAIKIKI HOTELS | OAHU RESTAURANTS | OAHU SHOPPING | OAHU NIGHTCLUBS | MELE.COM-Hawaiian Music | HAWAIIAN MUSIC STORE | DANCING CAT RECORDS | HAWAIIAN BOOKS | HAWAII ART | HAWAIIAN FLOWER LEIS |


HONOLULU, HAWAII: MUSEUMS & HISTORICAL SITES

| HAWAII HISTORY | U.S.S. ARIZONA MEMORIAL | BATTLESHIP MISSOURI MEMORIAL | HAWAII CULTURE | HONOLULU ACADEMY OF ARTS | THE CONTEMPORARY MUSEUM | BISHOP MUSEUM |




GINNY'S ARTWORK

LOOK! Shiny NEW Links:

HELP! I'M TRAPPED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE!! PLEASE CALL HTML OR MY MOM!!!