ME & GRAMPA MCCAIN GO TO THE MALL

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GRAMPS TAKES EVERY WEEKEND OFF, FOR R&R

HE GETS HIS BLOOD REFILTERED, HIS CHEMO, AND WE GO FOR ICE CREAM



He Insists On Driving, But I Won't Let Him Drive My Car

ME:
"OK, Pa-Pa John, are you ready to go to the Mall?"

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"What? The what?"

ME:
"The Mall, you want to go?"

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Go where?"

ME:
"Uh, downtown to the soda shop."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Mmm. Sounds pretty good to me, heh-heh."

ME:
"OK, then. Sit up front here."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"I'll drive."

ME:
"Nnnnooo . . . Gramps, remember what the doctors said. And the State Police."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"I know how to do this. I know where it is. My friends, if you'll just give me another chance..."

ME:
"Maybe next time, Grampa John. I kinda need this car, now that the other one is wrecked."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"It was the GOOKS!"

ME:
"Calm down, Poppy, remember your blood pressure. Your cheeks are gettin' extra puffy. You don't want to have to go back in the secret hospital, do you?"

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"I'm not goin' back to Hanoi!!! You can't make me!!! I already told 'em everything I know!!!"

ME:
"Nobody's making you go anywhere's, Pop-Pop. Oh, Jeez, what's that smell?"

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Nothing."

ME:
"No, it's definitely something."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Earmarks. Earmarks, earmarks, earmarks."

ME:
"I think somebody maybe has a full diaper. Let's get Nanny Sarah to change you."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Mmm. She has soft hands."

ME:
"Unh-hunh."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Sonny. Don't let them socialist n*gger terrorists get me."

ME:
"I won't, Gram. Let's just get you cleaned up here. Governor? Governor? Now where's she gone? Hope he she isn't trying to light that big cross she carries around, again. She scares me, Grandfather. Sometimes she really scares me."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Don't worry. She can drive. We'll let her drive. She's an excellent driver."

ME:
"Not in my car. It already pulls to the right."

GRAMPA MCCAIN:
"Better get that fixed, Sonny!"

ME:
"I will, Gramps, I will. Real soon."
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