CRAZY CURRENT EVENTS

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YO, MORE TOTALLY WHACK NEWS YAWL

WHITE PEOPLES IS BEIN' DISCRIMINALATED AGAINST ON UP IN HERE, YO

YOUTUBE: STEVE MARTIN
"Steve Martin, Bela Fleck, Tony Trischka Banjo HDTV The Crow"
Old Arrowhead plugs new album on "American Idol," but this is Letterman. Whitest guy we know.



Republican White Men In The Hizzouse Be Savin' The Day

Yeah, we know. We can't quite carry that street stuff off. We sound like a rusty Michael Steel. And it's really hard for us to act like we're scared that minorities are going render white boys extinct or some sh*t. It's Cheetos that's going to do that. Did you think it was healthy that it turns your fingers bright iridescent dayglo fluorescent toxic radioactive orange? You ofay FOOL!!!

Wait, let's try a Latino accent, Ese. Um, cabrone. Our cholos y cholitas are comin' to get you, Holmes. We some muy malos hombres y hombretitas, vato. We don' need no esteenkeen patches, blanco hombre pequeno. We got el Corte de los Supremos ahora! Y dos equis tu MADRE! You gonna be suckin mofongo from now on, super-raton!

LONDON TELEGRAPH
"Queen concerned after Palace chauffeur triggers alleged security breach "
This is why the bleedin' Queen should take a cab!

' Royal chauffeur Brian Sirjusingh has been suspended after he allegedly allowed undercover reporters posing as Middle Eastern businessmen into the grounds of Buckingham Palace. Mr Sirjusingh, 38, allegedly charged the men £1,000 in exchange for access to the palace via the Royal Mews at the side of the courtyard. He is accused of showing them the fleet of the official cars used by the Royal Family and photographed them sitting in the back of a Bentley used by the Queen. "That's where she sits," he allegedly told the reporters from a Sunday newspaper. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Komodo dragon attacks terrorize Indonesia villages"
Damned dragon bureaucracy!

' Main, a 46-year-old park ranger, who like many Indonesians goes by a single name, was doing paperwork when a dragon slithered up the stairs of his wooden hut in Komodo National Park and went for his ankles dangling beneath the desk. When the ranger tried to pry open the beast's powerful jaws, it locked its teeth into his hand. "I thought I wouldn't survive... I've spent half my life working with Komodos and have never seen anything like it," said Main, pointing to his jagged gashes, sewn up with 55 stitches and still swollen three months later. "Luckily, my friends heard my screams and got me to hospital in time." Komodos, which are popular at zoos in the United States to Europe, grow to be 10 feet (3 meters) long and 150 pounds (70 kilograms). All of the estimated 2,500 left in the wild can be found within the 700-square-mile (1,810-square-kilometer) Komodo National Park, mostly on its two largest islands, Komodo and Rinca. The lizards on neighboring Padar were wiped out in the 1980s when hunters killed their main prey, deer. Claudio Ciofi, who works at the Department of Animal Biology and Genetics at the University of Florence in Italy, said if komodos are hungry, they may be attracted to villages by the smell of drying fish and cooking, and "encounters can become more frequent." "They never used to attack us when we walked alone in the forest, or attack our children," Amin said. "We're all really worried about this." The dragons eat 80 percent of their weight and then go without food for several weeks. Amin and others say the dragons are hungry partly because of a 1994 policy that prohibits villagers from feeding them. "We used to give them the bones and skin of deer," said the fisherman. Villagers recently sought permission to feed wild boar to the Komodos several times a year, but park officials say that won't happen. "If we let people feed them, they will just get lazy and lose their ability to hunt," said Jeri Imansyah, another reptile expert. "One day, that will kill them. " The attack that first put villagers on alert occurred two years ago, when 8-year-old Mansyur was mauled to death while defecating in the bushes behind his wooden hut. People have since asked for a 6-foot-high (2-meter) concrete wall to be built around their villages, but that idea, too, has been rejected. The head of the park, Tamen Sitorus, said: "It's a strange request. You can't build a fence like that inside a national park!" '

HEALTHDAY
"Health Tip: Taking Care of Baby's Dandruff"
SKANKY baby! Gots B.O., too!

' Like adults, babies also develop dry, flaky scalps. The condition is known as "cradle cap" in infants. Here are suggestions from the U.S. National Library of Medicine on how to help clear up cradle cap: * Use a brush with very soft bristles or your fingers to gently rub your baby's scalp each day. This will boost circulation and help scaly patches of skin fall off. * Make sure you wash the scalp thoroughly to remove all soap. * Wash baby's head each day with a gentle soap until cradle cap subsides. Then shampoo about twice weekly. * Before shampooing, rub a bit of mineral oil into baby's scalp and cover it with a moist, warm washcloth to encourage scaly patches to fall off. Leave it on for up to an hour, making sure the cloth stays warm. * If cradle cap doesn't improve or baby continues to react to scalp itchiness, see your pediatrician about a topical lotion or cream. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Passer-by pushes suicide jumper in south China"
I usually just yell "J-U-M-P ! ! !" But pushing works, too, I guess. In China.

' Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge. Chen fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday. The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen's "selfish activity," Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area. "I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest," Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals." '

REUTERS
"Flight attendant jailed for bomb hoax"
OK, so NOW are ya sorry ya didn't just call in sick? You know, take a mental health day? Instead of a year and a half?

' A flight attendant was jailed for 18 months on Thursday for leaving a bomb hoax note on board an Emirates aircraft he was working on and sparking a scare that led to London's Gatwick Airport briefly closing. Australian national Matthew Carney, 24, left a message in the toilet of a flight from Dubai to London in March which read: "Explosive material can be found in the FWD (forward cargo department). We have the Taliban to thank for this." A passenger on board the Boeing 777 found the note 10 minutes before the plane was due to land and raised the alarm. When the flight arrived at Gatwick it was taken to a secure holding area and surrounded by armed police. The 164 passengers and 16 crew were taken off the plane and interviewed and Carney was arrested shortly afterwards. He pleaded guilty to communicating false information, namely a bomb hoax, at Lewes Crown Court, police said. The court was told that earlier in the flight Carney told his co-workers he had "found" wires hanging down from behind a mirror in a toilet in the economy section, the Press Association reported. But senior cabin crew members who inspected the area found the wires were not attached to anything and the plane carried on to Britain. His lawyer Andel Singh said Carney had been under a great deal of stress and was "extremely tired" at the time having worked on flights on different time schedules throughout the world. '

REUTERS
"Woman appeals ban on female metro drivers"
It's prob'ly best that ladies don't breed with stallions, but, still... Let 'em drive the choo-choos!!!

' A young Russian woman will challenge regulations that ban women from driving trains on the metro after the Supreme Court rejected her legal case on Thursday, local media reported. Student Anna Klevets applied to work as an assistant driver on the chandeliered underground system in Russia's second city, St Petersburg, last November. But she was turned down on grounds that women cannot work with dangerous heavy equipment, Itar-Tass news agency reported. In its Friday issue, Izvestia reports that a 2000 law bans women from 456 jobs, including stallion-breeding and oil drilling. Russia was the second country in the world to give women full voting rights after Finland. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Nebraska boy, 6, takes wheel after dad passes out"
That's some story kid. Now, do you have a license or not?

' Police say a 6-year-old boy grabbed the wheel of their pickup after his dad passed out from low blood sugar and kept them from crashing until a North Platte police officer could bring the truck to a halt. Tustin Mains was in the back seat with his 3-year-old brother when he noticed that his dad, Phillip Mains, slumped down on Sunday evening while they were driving home from a restaurant. "I remember getting up to about the mall — that was about 6:45," Phillip Mains told The North Platte Telegraph. "The next thing I remember was waking up to the officer and paramedics, and it was 8:15." Tustin hopped up from the back seat to his father's lap so he could steer and see out the windshield. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Real Soldiers Love Their Robot Brethren"
Android love.

' "One of the psychologically interesting things is that these systems aren't designed to promote intimacy, and yet we're seeing these bonds being built with them," said Peter Singer, a leading defense analyst at the Brookings Institution and author of "Wired for War: The Robotics Revolution and Conflict in the 21st Century" (Penguin Press HC, 2009). Singer highlights many accounts of human soldiers feeling strong affection for their robots - especially on the Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) teams where Packbots and Talon robots undertake the risk of disabling improvised explosives planted by insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan. One EOD soldier brought in a robot for repairs with tears in his eyes and asked the repair shop if it could put "Scooby-Doo" back together. Despite being assured that he would get a new robot, the soldier remained inconsolable. He only wanted Scooby-Doo. '

AFP
"Skin lightening creams a problem in Senegal"
You can never be too white. Or can you?

' Skin lightening creams containing steroids or hydroquinone are slammed by dermatologists as a real public health hazard, but there is no shortage in Senegalese markets where they continue to seduce clients. According to a 2003 study by French and Senegalese dermatologists, the use of such creams is widespread among women in many Sub-Saharan African countries where an estimated 25 to 67 percent are regular users. For 20 years, Mrs. Diop faithfully applied lightening cream to her face every night before bed to make herself "prettier" -- until unsightly dark spots started appearing two years ago. Fifty-year-old Mrs. Diop, who said she was too embarrassed to give her first name, had been warned of the risks but like many Senegalese women chose to ignore them. "I liked lightening my skin because people say you look better, you're prettier like that," she said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Openly gay teen voted prom queen at LA high school"
A Mormon was second runner up. But who names their kid "Unique Payne"?

' An openly gay teen has been voted prom queen at his Los Angeles high school in a campaign that began as a stunt but ended up spurring discussion on the campus about gender roles and popularity. Sergio Garcia said he felt "invincible" when he was crowned queen of the Fairfax High School dance at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Saturday. Days before the dance, Garcia told fellow students that he was "not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye." He also promised that he would be wearing a suit on prom night, but "don't be fooled: Deep down, I am a queen." And he made good of that promise Saturday, wearing a gray tuxedo topped off with the prized tiara. Senior class president Vanessa Lo said she and other students were initially against the idea but became convinced he wasn't just an attention-seeking clown. "It just goes to show how open-minded our class is," Lo said. Unique Payne, 17, said she voted for Garcia because she supported the gay community. '

AFP
"American says God told him to warn Suu Kyi"
Never give your cell phone number to anyone named "God." You could end up being charged with illegal swimming. He's F**KED!

' "John Yettaw took the stand for the first time in the case against the Nobel Laureate, who faces up to five years in jail on charges of breaching her house arrest, stemming from the American's bizarre visit this month. The 53-year-old said he came to Myanmar from his home in Missouri because he had a dream that terrorists would try to pin the blame for killing her on the military regime, Aung San Suu Kyi's party spokesman Nyan Win told reporters. He said the reason he came was in his vision he saw that Aung San Suu Kyi was assassinated by terrorists. Because of his vision, he came here to warn Aung San Suu Kyi and also the government," Nyan Win said. "In his vision, the terrorists assassinated Aung San Suu Kyi and then they put the blame for the assassination on the government, so that's why he came here to warn both of them," he said. Nyan Win said judges questioned Yettaw for three hours, during which the devout Mormon and former US army veteran repeatedly said he had divine inspiration for his night-time swim on May 4. Yettaw is charged with breaching security laws, illegal swimming and immigration offences. Aung San Suu Kyi's two female assistants are also on trial and were briefly questioned by judges Wednesday. '

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