HORRIBLE NEWS

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FROM THE DARK DEPTHS OF THE HUMAN SOUL

PEOPLE EATING BABIES, RAPING HORSES, VOTING REPUBLICAN

How Come The "Christians" Never Say Anything About Any Of This?

Oh, yeah; cuz it's them doing it... Well here's the latest insanity from across the nation. Please try not to join in. The general climate is crazy enough, thank you very much, Republicans.


NY TIMES
"Mother Guilty of Killing 4 Girls Whose Bodies Decomposed in Home "
Foreclosure kills.

' In January 2008, when federal marshals arrived to evict Ms. Jacks from her foreclosed row house in Washington Highlands, a neighborhood in Southeast Washington, they found the bodies of the four girls in two upstairs bedrooms. The three youngest — Aja Fogle, 5; N’Kiah Fogle, 6; and Tatianna Jacks, 11 — were lined up by age in one bedroom, while Brittany Jacks, 17, was naked in a second bedroom that had been sealed with duct tape, according to court statements and documents. A knife was lying near her body. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Warning signs missed in baby dismemberment case"
Family, police, social workers shaken, but not stirred to action in time to avert tragedy.

' The warning signs were there. Otty Sanchez, a schizophrenic with a history of hospitalizations, wasn't taking medication and was depressed after her son's birth, the boy's father said. A simple request seemed to set her off, alarming him and his family. Yet, the 33-year-old woman was staying in a house where she had access to samurai swords. Child welfare officials were never called. Instead, Sanchez's troubles became apparent to authorities when they found her before dawn Sunday screaming that she had killed her baby. Her 3 1/2-week-old son was dismembered in a scene so gruesome that police were left shaken. Authorities said Sanchez tried killing herself after butchering her newborn son, Scott Wesley Buchholz-Sanchez, with a steak knife and two swords while her sister and two nieces, ages 5 and 7, slept in another room. Sanchez told police — who described a scene so horrifying that investigators could barely speak to one another — that the devil made her kill, mutilate and eat parts of her only child. '

CNN
"Baby cut from slain mom's womb found alive"
Yet another texting horror story.

' A baby believed to be ripped from the womb of its mother has been found, Massachusetts police said Wednesday. In addition, authorities have arrested a suspect in connection with the crime. Police discovered Haynes' body Monday, after neighbors complained about a stench.
advertisement Haynes, 23, was found in the closet of a bedroom, wrapped in bedding. Police think she had been dead for several days. She was last seen on July 23, and Corey was one of the last people to see her, authorities said. A friend of Haynes told CNN affiliate WHDH that she received a text message from Haynes at 11:20 p.m. Thursday that said she was having wine coolers with a friend at her apartment. '

AFP
"Rats kill one US baby, nibble toes off another"
Guess rats love babies, too.

' A baby attacked by rats bled to death in her Louisiana crib while an Ohio infant lost two toes to the vicious rodents in a pair of bizarre attacks. Three people were charged with child endangerment after authorities determined that the six-week-old Ohio baby had been bitten repeatedly by rodents "over a lengthy period of time," the Pike County sheriff department said. But charges have not yet been filed in the case of the Louisiana child who bled to death last week from hundreds of rat bites, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reported. '

YAHOO NEWS
"8-year-old rape victim to remain in state hands"
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TAKING CANDY FROM STRANGERS???!!!

' A Liberian man whose 8-year-old daughter allegedly was raped by four boys, and then reportedly shunned by her family, must wait at least three months before possibly regaining custody of the girl. The father, who is not being named to protect the girl's identity, met with Child Protective Services on Monday. The girl was taken into state custody after officials said they heard the victim's parents blame her and didn't want her anymore. But the father denied Monday that he ever blamed her or said that his daughter brought shame to the family. "That is not true," the father told The Associated Press. Prosecutors have charged a 14-year-old Liberian refugee as an adult. Three other boys — ages 9, 10 and 13 — have been charged in juvenile court. Police said the boys lured the girl to an empty storage shed with the promise of chewing gum. Then they restrained her while taking turns assaulting her. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Witness: No help needed to make pastor a `demon'"
Eight year old brides? Is that Christian?

' A woman who says she was a child bride of evangelist Tony Alamo told jurors Wednesday that the minister had so many partners that he had to schedule when he would have sex with them. The woman, now 30 and living in Florida, said she was a third-generation Alamo follower into adulthood — until the Arkansas-based pastor took an 8-year-old as his latest bride. At one point, the woman said, she objected when Alamo graphically described how he fondled the girl as she held a stuffed animal. "He told me to shut up and that I shouldn't question what `the Lord told me to do,'" the woman said. The witness also testified that she left the compound briefly in 2005 after Alamo forced her to acknowledge falsely that she had had sex with her father and another woman. She returned after failing to adjust to life on the outside. "I was born and raised there. It was all I knew. I was scared," she said through tears. "I wondered if I was making the right decision. I was told that if I left I would burn in hell." The woman said she left for good in 2006 and contacted prosecutors after state and federal agents raided Alamo's compound near Fouke in southwestern Arkansas last Sept. 20. The government revised its indictment against Alamo to include some of her allegations. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Oldest woman to give birth dies, leaving twins"
"Between a rock and a hard place." Yes, death & birth.

' She devoted years to caring for her mother, who died at age 101. Then Maria del Carmen Bousada embarked on a quest to become a mom herself. She lied to a California fertility clinic to skirt its age limit, and later pointed to her mother's longevity as a reason to expect she'd be around to care for her kids. At age 66 she had twins, becoming the world's oldest new mom — and raising questions about maternity so late in life. Now she is dead at age 69, leaving behind boys not yet 3. Bousada's brother told the Diario de Cadiz newspaper his sister died Saturday, though he did not disclose the cause. Bousada said in November that she was being treated for stomach cancer. Shortly after her sons, Pau and Christian, were born in December 2006, Bousada reflected on her decision to deceive doctors in order to have a family. "I think everyone should become a mother at the right time for them," she told the British tabloid News of the World, which showed her beaming as she cradled her 1-month-old infants, both dressed in pale blue pajamas. "Often circumstances put you between a rock and a hard place, and maybe things shouldn't have been done in the way they were done, but that was the only way to achieve the thing I had always dreamed of, and I did it," she said. '

HEALTH DAY NEWS.COM
"Babies Can Comprehend 'Canine' Language"
Roh, rearry?

' What's in a bark? A new study suggests that 6-month-old babies know the answer. Researchers found that most infants who were tested could figure out that an aggressive bark goes with an angry-looking dog. They also seemed to know that friendly-looking pooches voice their feelings in a different way. The babies managed to do this even though they weren't very familiar with dogs. It's not clear whether the babies actually know that a dog baring its teeth is a sign of trouble, but they're showing a level of sophistication regarding how dogs reveal their emotions, said study author Ross Flom, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. The study didn't examine what the babies actually perceived about the barks and the canine expressions. No one knows if they're aware that a normal-looking dog is a better prospect for playtime than one that looks -- and sounds -- like it wants to take a bite out of the nearest leg. Still, it's "remarkable" that babies that aren't exposed to dogs can figure out how to link their barks to their faces, Flom said. That means they can connect audio and visual cues, he said. As for the future, researchers are exploring how humans relate to dogs, which have a long history of interacting with people, and wolves, which don't. Over time, Flom said, dogs and humans have learned how to communicate with each other. '

HEALTH DAY NEWS.COM
"Exposure to Common Pollutant in Womb Might Lower IQ"
I thought people were getting stupider. They definitely DRIVE stupider.

' "Children exposed to prenatal or in-utero air pollution from traffic oftentimes have lower birth weights, somewhat smaller head circumferences, and a number of adverse outcomes," he noted. "There's certainly enough there to suggest an effect. And I think any one of those outcomes -- if they happen early enough in life -- can affect development through childhood and exert an impact on intelligence," Jerrett said. '

LA TIMES
"Judge says La Jolla seals must go; governor says otherwise"
As a trained seal himself, Arnold supports full rights for all aquatic mammals.

' A Superior Court judge Monday ordered the city of San Diego to shoo the harbor seals off the beach at the Children's Pool in La Jolla by Thursday. But within hours, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill that will allow the city to declare the beach a marine sanctuary and allow the seals to remain. The day’s seal activities began with Superior Court Judge Yuri Hoffmann declaring, as he has done in the past, that the 1931 deed from the state to the city requires that the beach be maintained as a place for children. The city plans to use a public address system to blare out the sound of dogs barking in hopes of convincing the seals to slither back to the ocean. The cost of keeping the seals off the beach has been estimated at $700,000 a year, including the salaries of police officers to protect city employees controlling the public address system. For decades the tiny beach was a favorite of families, offering clean sand and a protected cove. But two decades ago the harbor seals decided to make the beach their resting and pupping place. Their feces has made the beach unusable for humans but watching the seals has become a tourist attraction. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Girl Sees Fine With Half a Brain"
Sadly, she will only be able to vote Republican, and must be put to sleep. Sorry, Sarah.

' A 10-year-old girl from Germany has had quite a normal life despite the fact that she was born with only half her brain. Even more surprising, she has almost perfect vision in one of her eyes. Now, scientists have figured out why. The girl's brain rewired itself - likely in the womb - so that it's able to process information from both the right and left fields of vision even though she is missing the right brain hemisphere, which failed to develop while she was in the womb. The child's case is the only one of its kind known in the world, researchers said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"12 shot, injured at Baltimore cookout in drug feud"
Crips & Bloods Annual BBQ Goes Sour.

' A gunman burst into a backyard cookout held in the memory of two men who'd been shot to death a year earlier, wounding 12 people in a shooting police say was sparked by a gang feud, Baltimore police said Monday. In all, 16 people were shot in a period of about three hours on Sunday night and early Monday morning, police said. A pregnant 23-year-old and a 2-year-old girl were wounded at the cookout, but they were expected to recover. Two men were killed in one of the later shootings, but it was apparently unrelated to the cookout attack. '

AFP
"Holocaust museum shooter indicted for murder"
Eaten alive by hate, hunh, Republicans?

' A resident of Maryland, which borders Washington DC, Von Brunn was an unapologetic racist, who described the United States on his blog as "a Third-World racial garbage-dump -- stupid, ignorant, dead broke and terminal." He served time in prison after entering the US Federal Reserve in 1981 carrying a shotgun, saying he was going to carry out a citizen's arrest. According to his ex-wife, his hatred of Jews and blacks "ate him alive like a cancer '

AFP
"Boston cop suspended after racist outburst: police"
Cancer of the mind.

' The email describes Gates, who was arrested and briefly detained earlier this month at Harvard, near Boston, as a "banana-eating jungle monkey," according to a copy published by news site. The city's mayor, Tom Menino, was quoted referring to Barrett as a "cancer in the department" and calling on him to be fired. The email allegedly written by Barrett lambasts Gates for getting into an altercation with police. "I am not a racist, but I am prejudice towards people who are stupid," reads the alleged diatribe -- containing frequent grammatical and spelling errors -- against Gates and local newspaper the Boston Globe. "He has indeed transcended back to a bumbling jungle monkey." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Man grins while charged in deaths of 2 deputies"
Guns don't kill people... Oh, wait, yes they do.

' A man accused of killing two deputies who were trying to arrest him grinned and chuckled to himself as he appeared in court Monday and learned prosecutors intend to seek the death penalty. [Deputies] Whitebird and Williams were trying to arrest Holbert for failing to make a court appearance after he was released on bond in a domestic violence case in February. In that case, his mother said he tried to strangle her after he was inhaling paint thinner, court records show. According to an affidavit, "Ms. Holbert and her kids are in fear of Ezekiel's explosive behavior." Ross said Holbert also has a "history of involuntary commitments" for psychiatric problems. Holbert's sister, Tamara Rodriguez, filed for a protective order against him in June 2007, claiming he threatened to kill her husband and her children. "I'm so scared for my family that he is going to kill someone," Rodriguez wrote in the petition. "He has three guns in the house that he brags about that he is going to shoot my husband with." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Okla. trooper suspended for fight with paramedic"
Pulling over an ambulance with an emergency patient inside. Bravo, occifer!

' An Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper caught on video cussing and fighting with the driver of an ambulance carrying a patient has been suspended for five days. A patrol spokesman said Trooper Daniel Martin was put on unpaid suspension Wednesday and must undergo an anger assessment. A cell phone video of the May 24 scuffle that was widely distributed over the Internet shows Martin grabbing the paramedic, Maurice White Jr., in a choke hold around the neck. Martin's dashboard-mounted camera showed him stopping the ambulance, cussing and accusing White of failing to yield. He also threatened to arrest him. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Police: SC man charged with having sex with horse"
In all fairness, he was hung like a horse.

' A South Carolina man was charged with having sex with a horse after the animal's owner caught the act on videotape, then staked out the stable and caught him at shotgun point, authorities said Wednesday. But this wasn't the first time Rodell Vereen has been charged with buggery. He pleaded guilty last year to having sex with the same horse after owner Barbara Kenley found him in the same stable and was sentenced to probation and placed on the state's sex offender list. '

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NEWS, NOUVELLES, NOTICIAS, NACHRICHTEN

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OF THE WORLD, DU MONDE, DEL MUNDO, DER WELT

YOUTUBE: KAGUYA
"Earthrise, Earthset"
Look! There's you!


WEIRD TALES AND STOOOOOPIT STUFFS FROM AROUND THE PLANET

Why Watch FuxSnooze When You Can Get The Nitty-Gritty Direct From Every Foreign City?

As the big self-important newspapers and television networks die out for lack of an audience, there is still plenty of business going on between millions of news-junkies and all those little flat-footed beat reporters in every little town and big city neighborhood on Earth. Get some coffee, maybe a doughnut and check out the latest sense and nonsense from the rest of humanity. And save me a chocolate coconut.


TIME MAGAZINE
"Coming to an Ex-U.S. Car Dealer Near You: Pickups From India"
The race to the bottom is over. We won!

' Dramatically weakened by recession, U.S. automakers in the next few years are likely to be challenged on their home turf by car manufacturers from the developing world. But, while the Chinese were expected to be the first to land in North America, it now looks like India will beat China to the U.S. market - and not with cars, but with light trucks. But U.S. consumers have in the past shunned diesel-powered vehicles, and it's unclear whether the Mahindra trucks, which will be manufactured in India, will have a clear advantage when it comes to sticker price. Mahindra says the price, which analysts expect to be around $20,000, will be divulged closer to the December launch date. Perez says the trucks "will not be cheap, but will be reasonably priced." Competitors have base models starting at around $15,000. "Mahindra will have to tread the thin line between cheap and value," says Mohit Arora, J.D. Power's senior director for India. "Too cheap will affect quality perceptions, while a higher price will alienate buyers." (See pictures of the world’s cheapest car.) Mahindra will also have to contend with skepticism surrounding the made-in-India tag. Indian companies are recognized by Americans for outsourcing and call centers, not for manufacturing prowess. The most famous Indian manufacturer today may be Tata Motors, which garnered international recognition earlier this year when it launched its $2,000 minicar, the Nano. Tata plans to start selling the Nano in the U.S. in 2011. To create brand awareness for its pickups and SUVs, Mahindra is expected to spend around $20 million on Internet and print advertising leading up to the trucks' debut. The vehicles will be imported from India; the company has no immediate plans to build pickups in the U.S. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Okla. paramedic wants trooper's gun and badge"
Super trooper?

' Martin stopped the ambulance May 24 for failing to yield. White says he got out of the ambulance to tell the trooper they were taking a patient to the hospital. The argument quickly escalated into a scuffle and Martin put White in a choke hold. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again"
Silly trick! Rabbits are for kids!

' Problems for Sakewitz started in October 2006 when police in Hillsboro, about 15 miles west of Portland, found and confiscated nearly 250 rabbits in her home, including about 100 dead ones in freezers and refrigerators. Police said she broke into the facility where the survivors were being cared for in January 2007 and stole most of them back. Authorities found her a few days later in Chehalis, Wash., with eight live rabbits and two dead ones in her car. Another 130 rabbits were recovered at a nearby horse farm. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NY man charged with impersonating dead mother"
The funny thing is, he's not a psycho.

' Authorities claim that following his arrest, Parkin told them that because he held Prusik when she breathed her last breath, "I am my mother." Parkin, who lived with his mother, was accused of hatching the scheme after she passed away in 2003 at age 73. He managed to conceal the death by falsifying her death certificate, then collected $52,000 from her $700-a-month Social Security checks over the next six years, prosecutors said. Authorities say Parkin also got another $65,000 in rent subsidies by falsely claiming he had a disability and that his mother was still alive and was his landlord. Parkin used his friend Rimolo to pose as the mother's nephew when going to cash checks and do other business, prosecutors said. A security camera photo from the DMV office shows a frail-looking Parkin in a wig and dark glasses, Rimolo by his side, as he fills out paperwork. The ruse began to unravel amid a dispute over the mother's home, which was sold at foreclosure in 2003. Parkin challenged the purchase by suing the new owner on his mother's behalf so he wouldn't be evicted. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Police: Man attacked in Okla. for bologna sandwich"
I dunno. Sounds like baloney to me. I could kill for a good pastrami sandwich, though...

' A man in Oklahoma City said he was attacked for his bologna and cheese sandwich. Police say 24-year-old Roger Hamilton told them he was sitting on a bus station bench Wednesday, about to put mayonnaise on his sandwich, when another man began staring at him. Hamilton told police that the man then punched him in the mouth and grabbed his sandwich and left. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Dead pilot's wife: He was in 'perfect health'"
Please fasten your seat belts. We are now headed into... the Twilight Zone.

' The Continental Airlines pilot who died on a trans-Atlantic flight from Brussels to Newark was in "perfect health" and fellow crew members initially thought he had just fallen asleep, his wife told a Houston television station. '

REUTERS
"U.S. SEC says "dark pools" are emerging risk to market"
Where the big fish feed.

' Dark pools, where orders are anonymously matched so that traders do not alert the wider market to their intentions, have triggered concerns that stock pricing may not be transparent and that a privileged few are benefiting. The lack of post-trade transparency makes it difficult for the public to assess dark pool trading and to identify pools that are most active in particular stocks. "This ... has the potential to undermine public confidence in the equity markets, particularly if the volume of trading activity in dark pools increases substantially," SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro said in remarks prepared for delivery to the New York Financial Writers Association. "The lack of reliable information can prompt speculation and suspicion about the basis for market fluctuations," she said. Dark pools, she said, are among the emerging risks to investors and markets that the SEC is focusing on. '

AFP
"US Senate votes formal apology for slavery"
Fingers crossed.

' In a step that has angered some African-American lawmakers, the measure takes pains not to fuel the push for the US government to pay reparations to the descendants of African slaves. "Nothing in this resolution (a) authorizes or supports any claim against the United States; or (b) serves as a settlement of any claim against the United States," it says. '

LA TIMES
"NASA launches mission to explore the moon"
TAKE ME!!!

' NASA took the first concrete step toward returning human beings to the moon Thursday, successfully launching the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter on a mission to find the best place to land and build Earth's first off-world colony. '

NPR
"More Families Pull The Plug On Their Home Phone"
Do not ask for whom the bell tolls...

' The concept of a home phone may soon be going the way of the corner pay phone. Government research shows that more and more households are getting rid of their land line. And for the first time, cell-phone-only homes outnumber those with just land lines. '

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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HA-HA AND NOT HA-HA FUNNY NEWS

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GERMS & JOBS & OTHER PURSUITS

YOUTUBE: MEL BROOKS & CARL REINER
"Mel Brooks: the 2000 year old man pt. 1"
First, a little history. It couldn't hurt.


WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TIME RUNS OUT

Some Days, The Germ Gets You; Some Days, You Get The Germ

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Or, a Scotch. Could be a Long Island Iced Tea, even. So, pour yourself a drink and enjoy the rest of your life. Or sit there stone cold sober cleaning your weapons. It's a free country. Feh!

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Microbe Wakes Up After 120,000 Years"
First words: "OY! Vhat a TASTE I got in my MOUTH!!!" ...Wait, how do we know these are NOT extraterrestrial?

' After more than 120,000 years trapped beneath a block of ice in Greenland, a tiny microbe has awoken. The long-lasting bacteria may hold clues to what life forms might exist on other planets. The new bacteria species was found nearly 2 miles (3 km) beneath a Greenland glacier, where temperatures can dip well below freezing, pressure soars, and food and oxygen are scarce. The harsh conditions endured by these microbes serve as models of other planets. "These extremely cold environments are the best analogues of possible extraterrestrial habitats," Loveland-Curtze said, referring to the Greenland glacier. "The exceptionally low temperatures can preserve cells and nucleic acids for even millions of years." And studying such microorganisms may provide insight into what sorts of life forms could survive elsewhere in the solar system. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Dream Deferred: Americans May Never Retire"
Aaah! The Good Old Days! Work till you drop dead! Thanks, Republicans & DINO's!

' Retirement is a relatively new concept in the United States. It arose only in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Until then, people worked until they were physically unable to continue, and then their communities supported them. Around the turn of the last century, some big employer-supported pensions started up, but with the Depression, it was clear that businesses couldn't be counted on to support retirees during economic bad times. So social security was initiated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in the mid-1930s as a government solution. Nowadays, workers hang on like a dog to a bone to the concept of retirement. Meanwhile, each of the three legs of the retirement stool - pensions and/or 401(k)s, social security and personal savings - are getting wobbly. In fact, the only true security for a retiree today is their own savings and investments, Dinkin said. Neither the government nor corporate pensions can be relied upon as the foundation of a stable retirement, he adds. The retirement plans of many Americans went out the window in the past year due to the economic downturn, a new survey finds. A lot of folks now are looking at Plan B, and Plan B means working more and working later in life. It's not unlike what our great-great grandparents planned for, back before the concept of retirement came into vogue. However, working beyond age 65 doesn't have to be dismal, experts say, especially if you change your expectations and push yourself to pursue work in a field that you love. Just keep working '

TIME MAGAZINE
"No Ocean, But Chicago Moves to Legalize Surfing"
Deep-dish luau's are also legal, now. So, nu, maybe the old folks could get work as beach boys, now?

' Midwestern surfers prefer Labor Day through Memorial Day, particularly November onward, when the waves are especially choppy. The water, experts say, is warmer than the air's temperature, and creates an "unstable boundary layer" near the water's surface - hence more waves. Waves during a storm may reach 20 feet, and appear roughly every six to eight seconds. How do they compare to the surf in Hawaii and California? Pacific waves tend to be stronger, and longer, than those in the Midwest because they gain momentum having crossed thousands of miles from Asia. They may be twice as tall, and appear every 10 to 12 seconds during a storm. Those differences, however, don't matter much to Midwestern surfers. Last December, Vince Deur, co-chair of the Surfrider Foundation's chapter here, took a group of friends to the southern shore of Lake Michigan. The air temperature was about 25 degrees. A winter storm covered much of the lake, sending fierce winds from the north to create waves nearly two feet above Deur's head. "The waves," he recalls, "had some nice shape and power. But look," he continues, "we know that in the world of great surfing, as far as quality goes, we're at the bottom. We're in it for the fun." Anticipating the arrival of surfing on Lake Michigan, Deur said Wednesday, "We understand and respect the city's small step approach to opening these beaches. And we consider this a victory." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Ohioans ticketed for parking in own driveways"
Finkbeiner! You're FIRED!!! And forget about a PENSION!!!

' Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are complaining that they received $25 tickets for parking their vehicles in their own driveways. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner (FINK'-by-ner) says he stands by the citations handed out last week by the Division of Streets, Bridges and Harbor. He says the tickets were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways. During a news conference Monday, Finkbeiner ignored a reporter's question of whether the crackdown and fines were related to the city's budget crisis. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Ohio teen who killed over video game gets 23 years"
Sounds like father and son lived in a world of fantasy. But the son's fantasies involved premeditated murder and a double cover-up. Well, it half worked. GAME OVER! (Mom won't have to work, now.)

' Petric was convicted of shooting his parents in October 2007 after they took the game "Halo 3" away from him. The judge, who heard the case without a jury, said at the time of the verdict that the teen was so obsessed over a video game that he may have believed that, like the characters in the game, death wasn't real. The defense claimed his age and addiction to the game made him less responsible. In the video game "Halo 3," players shoot alien monsters that have taken over the Earth. Mark Petric, who has forgiven his son, said he had followed his son's request that his father's congregation be told about his sorrow over the crimes. "He is sorry for causing everyone so much terrible pain," said the father, a minister at New Life Assembly of God in Wellington. At the trial, Mark Petric testified that his son came into the room and asked his parents: "Would you guys close your eyes? I have a surprise for you." The father testified that he expected a pleasant surprise. Then his head went numb from a gunshot. His wife, Susan, 43, died of a gunshot wound to the head. The prosecution said Daniel Petric then tried to make the shootings look like a murder and attempted suicide. He shoved the gun into his father's hand and said, "Hey Dad, here's your gun. Take it," Mark Petric testified. '

REUTERS
"American arrives in Germany with mini arsenal"
"Say whut? No guns allowed in Hitler's birthplace???!!!" "Hitler vas born in Austria, Mein Herr." "Ah'm in AUSTRALIA!!!???" Wonder what job he was on? Or what drug?

' German police stopped an American at Duesseldorf airport on Friday for carrying a pumpgun, two pistols and a combat knife in his luggage. The 38-year-old man, en route to Switzerland from Florida, said he was not aware European security regulations required him to have special permission to transport the weapons. Police found a .12 calibre pumpgun, a .357 magnum revolver, a Smith & Wesson "Long Rifle" and a combat knife. The man told police he had alerted the airline that he would be carrying the weapons and was not aware he needed further permits. The police confiscated the weapons and fined him 450 euros ($633.1) before releasing him. A police spokesman said they were investigating how the man managed to get the weapons through security checks in the United States. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sex selling for less amid economic downturn"
Good news for F**kMart, BJMart, CostBlo, JohnsClub and all their thrifty shoppers. I suspect the "girls" are Grannies who couldn't afford to retire. Or, maybe they just got bored, sittin' on it. Or, maybe it's a labor of love...

' Prostitution is legal in Germany, with the same rights and benefits as other professions, such as health and unemployment insurance. There are about 450,000 prostitutes nationwide, according to 2008 numbers, with 10,000 in Berlin. Streetwalkers like those in the Hackescher Markt make up only about 3 percent, with the remaining 97 percent working in brothels, massage parlors or out of private residences. Though the demand for prostitutes' services remains strong, the supply has increased as more people lose their jobs and turn to the profession, said Marion Detlefs, of the German prostitution advocacy group Hydra. The result is increased competition, she said. In response, clubs and brothels are increasingly marketing themselves either as high-class, exclusive spas, or as bargain basements of delight. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Calif.: Site broke labor law by taping octuplets"
I thought the Octomom herself violated labor laws, by having all those kids. --Not a job for Grannies.

' California authorities slapped an online site Tuesday with four child-labor law violations for videotaping two of Nadya Suleman's octuplets without safeguards to protect their health and welfare. State Labor Commissioner Angela Bradstreet said RadarOnline endangered the newborns, Noah and Isaiah Suleman, by failing to get required state permits, videotaping the infants at hours and for periods of time banned by regulations, and for failing to provide a monitor to watch over them during taping sessions. '

THE REGISTER.COM
"Microsoft sues family over alleged click fraud"
Digital Ma Barker! There's a job for Granny!

' Microsoft has filed its first-ever lawsuit over click fraud, seeking $750,000 in damages from a Canada-based trio who allegedly orchestrated a massive online scam via its pay-per-click search ads. "Microsoft’s Internet Safety Enforcement team has a long history in enforcement efforts on issues such as malicious code distribution, spam, scareware, child protection, and other Internet safety issues, but this is the first case we have filed with respect to click fraud," a company spokeswoman tells The Reg. Microsoft filed its civil complaint in a Seattle-based federal court on Monday, The New York Times reports, after investigating the matter for more than a year. The complaint names three individuals believed to be residents of Vancouver, British Columbia; various company monikers they may have used; and fifty John Does. Microsoft believes that the trio - Melanie Suen, Eric Lam, and Gordon Lam - are a mother and her two sons. '

YAHOO NEWS
"FDA says Zicam nasal spray can cause loss of smell"
It's being rebranded as a homeopathic deodorant. You'll never need to bathe again. Just spray it in other people's faces. --Hey, that could be a job!

' Consumers should stop using Zicam Cold Remedy nasal gel and related products because they can permanently damage the sense of smell, federal health regulators said Tuesday. The over-the-counter products contain zinc, an ingredient scientists say may damage nerves in the nose needed for smell. The other products affected by the Food and Drug Administration's announcement are adult and kid-size Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Swabs. "Loss of the sense of smell is potentially life threatening and may be permanent," said Dr. Charles Lee, of FDA's compliance division. "People without the sense of smell may not be able to detect dangerous life situations, such as gas leaks or something burning in the house." The FDA said Zicam Cold Remedy was never formally approved because it is part of a small group of remedies that are not required to undergo federal review before launching. Known as homeopathic products, the formulations often contain herbs, minerals and flowers. '

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UNNATURAL NATURE NEWS

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CREATURE FEATURES OF A DISTURBING VARIETY

DON'T GO OUTSIDE THERE'S RATS & BATS & BUGS & STUFF

Oh, yeah, and SNAKES!!!

Scary Monsters All Around

Today we learned that however nasty our houses and apartments are, the great outdoors is even worse. That's why we keep it outside. So, just don't go out there, and you'll be fine. Unless they come inside.


ULSTER STAR
"LISBURN MEN FIND GIANT SNAKE IN THE AMAZON"
This snake eats Volkswagons! With the top down!!!

' A leviathan of the jungle, which reports say reaches 40 metres [120 feet] in length and two metres [6 feet] in diameter, it dwarfs any snake known to science. This anaconda is not green but dark brown and is known by the locals as the 'black boa' or 'Yacumama'. "Yacumama is translated as Mother of the Water and reports of this giant snake abound throughout the Amazon basin and history." Mike, who is partially sighted, has spent 23 years researching the beast but it was only six months ago when his son discovered his research documents and they decided to take part in the incredble journey. Cryptozooologist Mike of Hillhall spent his life savings setting up the expedition with Greg to find out more about the snake, which reports say can engorge water then shoot a monkey out of a tree like a water canon. "The data is immense and will take months to fully appreciate but already it supports our theories of 'channels' created by these giants as they make their way through the dense jungle knocking down trees 90 feet tall, but more importantly we managed to catch one of these reclusive giants on camera as it made its way through one of its watery channels." There was an amazing postscript to their trip when an anaconda, believed to be the one they located in March, is thought to have been responsbile for smashing the house of an elderly couple in a small village in Peru earlier this week. '

THE BALTIMORE SUN
"Science sheds light on Baltimore rats"
Now if they could only do something about those DC rats.

' "Most rats are like people in Baltimore," said Glass, who after 25 years in the city has had occasion to observe both. "They marry someone next door or down the block at most, and are happy to live in the neighborhood they grew up in." '

NY TIMES
"A Human Language Gene Changes the Sound of Mouse Squeaks"
Won't this confuse the bats?

' People have a deep desire to communicate with animals, as is evident from the way they converse with their dogs, enjoy myths about talking animals or devote lifetimes to teaching chimpanzees how to speak. A delicate, if tiny, step has now been taken toward the real thing: the creation of a mouse with a human gene for language. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Bats Recognize Individual Voices"
Good news, bat news.

' Scientists have not known how bats recognize their buddies, in order to stay together, and also avoid creating interference between their echolocation calls. The screech of a bat is louder than a rock concert. A study last year found that bats actually shut their traps for microseconds so they can hear the leader and take direction. Now researchers say greater mouse-eared bats can recognize individual bat voices. '

MCCLATCHY
"Deadly bat disease spreading fast, scientists warn lawmakers"
More bat news, same bat channel.

' "Never in my wildest imagination would I have dreamed of anything that could pose this serious a threat to America's bats," Merlin Tuttle , a biologist with Bat Conservation International who's studied the creatures for 50 years, told two House of Representatives subcommittees. He called the bat-killing disease, which could threaten eight species with extinction, "the most serious threat to American wildlife in the past century." According to the Agriculture Department , bats eat pests that otherwise would cost farmers up to $1 billion a year in damages. The disease, called "white-nose syndrome," makes bats awaken from hibernation prematurely and leave their caves. Freezing, unable to find insects to eat, they fall from the sky and die. About 95 percent of infected bats perish, and the disease appears to spread from bat to bat, infecting entire caves, officials said. The main clue to their deaths is fungus-encrusted noses and wings. Whether the fungus causes their deaths or is merely a symptom of a failing immune symptom is unknown. '

UPI
"Insomniac flies resemble insomniac humans"
Yes, I've seen them late nights at the diner. In my soup. Doing the backstroke, according to the waiter.

' U.S. scientists have created a line of fruit flies that they hope might someday help shed light on the mechanisms that cause insomnia in humans. The flies created by the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis only get a small fraction of the sleep of normal flies and resemble insomniac humans in several ways. For example, if researchers turned on a light at night, insomniac flies awakened and stayed up the rest of the night, while healthy flies went back to sleep. '

LA TIMES
"Heidi Pratt used to eat ants? Watch your back, Spencer"
Now we know why they call them "Speidi."

' "I know she's gonna win," says Holly Montag at the MTV Movie Awards about her sister, Heidi Montag, letting it slip that Heidi and her new hubby Spencer Pratt are actually competing against each other in the "I'm a Celebrity ... Get me Out of Here" reality show. But they have formed something "like an alliance." Are we surprised? "I have seen my sister build fires and eat ants ... that was growing up, for fun. She has a much better chance than anyone is giving her credit for," Holly says. '

FIRST COAST NEWS.COM
"Chickens Help Jacksonville Fight Mosquitos"
Who you callin' chicken?

' Meet Red, on the front line of Jacksonville's fight against mosquitos. He's a sentinel chicken, monitoring mosquito diseases in Jacksonville. "This is early in the year to have this significant of an increase in mosquitos and it was prompted by that large storm we had," Richard Smith of Jacksonville Mosquito Control told First Coast News' Erich Spivey. "We couldn't even sit on the patio because we were fighting mosquitos," says Jacksonville resident Jane Entenza. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Deer Disoriented by Power Lines"
Happens to the best of us.

' Last year, a team led by Hynek Burda and Sabine Begall discovered that free-ranging cattle and deer tend to align their bodies in a north-south direction. The animals sure seemed to be responding to the geomagnetic field. If so, the zoologists reasoned, they should lose their orientation when they graze or rest near power lines, because the current passing in the lines distorts Earth's magnetic field. If not, and the animals are reacting instead to the sun or some other cue, power lines should have no effect. By observing wild roe deer and studying aerial images from Google Earth of cattle in European fields, Burda, Begall and three colleagues confirmed their hypothesis. In general, the animals faced every which way near the lines. (East-west power lines were an intriguing exception; cattle tended to align with them, for reasons still unclear.) What's more, cattle gradually regained their north-south body orientation the farther they moved away from the lines. The study is the first strong demonstration of magnetic alignment in mammals other than rodents or bats. An internal compass could well be handy equipment in the roaming lifestyle of grazing animals. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NY man arrested buying drugs with slaughtered pig"
See? They were disoriented by power lines.

' Syracuse police say a 45-year-old man offered a slaughtered pig as partial payment for a bag of crack cocaine. They say two men were spotted making the deal on a street corner just before 8 p.m. Thursday. Angelo Colon of Fulton was arrested on a misdemeanor drug possession charge and 42-year-old Omar Veliz faces a felony drug sale charge. Police say Colon paid half a pig and $10 for a $50 bag of crack. Veliz told police the pig was for a celebration for a relative being released from jail. While officers were arresting the suspects, someone took the pig. '

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CRAZY CURRENT EVENTS

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YO, MORE TOTALLY WHACK NEWS YAWL

WHITE PEOPLES IS BEIN' DISCRIMINALATED AGAINST ON UP IN HERE, YO

YOUTUBE: STEVE MARTIN
"Steve Martin, Bela Fleck, Tony Trischka Banjo HDTV The Crow"
Old Arrowhead plugs new album on "American Idol," but this is Letterman. Whitest guy we know.



Republican White Men In The Hizzouse Be Savin' The Day

Yeah, we know. We can't quite carry that street stuff off. We sound like a rusty Michael Steel. And it's really hard for us to act like we're scared that minorities are going render white boys extinct or some sh*t. It's Cheetos that's going to do that. Did you think it was healthy that it turns your fingers bright iridescent dayglo fluorescent toxic radioactive orange? You ofay FOOL!!!

Wait, let's try a Latino accent, Ese. Um, cabrone. Our cholos y cholitas are comin' to get you, Holmes. We some muy malos hombres y hombretitas, vato. We don' need no esteenkeen patches, blanco hombre pequeno. We got el Corte de los Supremos ahora! Y dos equis tu MADRE! You gonna be suckin mofongo from now on, super-raton!

LONDON TELEGRAPH
"Queen concerned after Palace chauffeur triggers alleged security breach "
This is why the bleedin' Queen should take a cab!

' Royal chauffeur Brian Sirjusingh has been suspended after he allegedly allowed undercover reporters posing as Middle Eastern businessmen into the grounds of Buckingham Palace. Mr Sirjusingh, 38, allegedly charged the men £1,000 in exchange for access to the palace via the Royal Mews at the side of the courtyard. He is accused of showing them the fleet of the official cars used by the Royal Family and photographed them sitting in the back of a Bentley used by the Queen. "That's where she sits," he allegedly told the reporters from a Sunday newspaper. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Komodo dragon attacks terrorize Indonesia villages"
Damned dragon bureaucracy!

' Main, a 46-year-old park ranger, who like many Indonesians goes by a single name, was doing paperwork when a dragon slithered up the stairs of his wooden hut in Komodo National Park and went for his ankles dangling beneath the desk. When the ranger tried to pry open the beast's powerful jaws, it locked its teeth into his hand. "I thought I wouldn't survive... I've spent half my life working with Komodos and have never seen anything like it," said Main, pointing to his jagged gashes, sewn up with 55 stitches and still swollen three months later. "Luckily, my friends heard my screams and got me to hospital in time." Komodos, which are popular at zoos in the United States to Europe, grow to be 10 feet (3 meters) long and 150 pounds (70 kilograms). All of the estimated 2,500 left in the wild can be found within the 700-square-mile (1,810-square-kilometer) Komodo National Park, mostly on its two largest islands, Komodo and Rinca. The lizards on neighboring Padar were wiped out in the 1980s when hunters killed their main prey, deer. Claudio Ciofi, who works at the Department of Animal Biology and Genetics at the University of Florence in Italy, said if komodos are hungry, they may be attracted to villages by the smell of drying fish and cooking, and "encounters can become more frequent." "They never used to attack us when we walked alone in the forest, or attack our children," Amin said. "We're all really worried about this." The dragons eat 80 percent of their weight and then go without food for several weeks. Amin and others say the dragons are hungry partly because of a 1994 policy that prohibits villagers from feeding them. "We used to give them the bones and skin of deer," said the fisherman. Villagers recently sought permission to feed wild boar to the Komodos several times a year, but park officials say that won't happen. "If we let people feed them, they will just get lazy and lose their ability to hunt," said Jeri Imansyah, another reptile expert. "One day, that will kill them. " The attack that first put villagers on alert occurred two years ago, when 8-year-old Mansyur was mauled to death while defecating in the bushes behind his wooden hut. People have since asked for a 6-foot-high (2-meter) concrete wall to be built around their villages, but that idea, too, has been rejected. The head of the park, Tamen Sitorus, said: "It's a strange request. You can't build a fence like that inside a national park!" '

HEALTHDAY
"Health Tip: Taking Care of Baby's Dandruff"
SKANKY baby! Gots B.O., too!

' Like adults, babies also develop dry, flaky scalps. The condition is known as "cradle cap" in infants. Here are suggestions from the U.S. National Library of Medicine on how to help clear up cradle cap: * Use a brush with very soft bristles or your fingers to gently rub your baby's scalp each day. This will boost circulation and help scaly patches of skin fall off. * Make sure you wash the scalp thoroughly to remove all soap. * Wash baby's head each day with a gentle soap until cradle cap subsides. Then shampoo about twice weekly. * Before shampooing, rub a bit of mineral oil into baby's scalp and cover it with a moist, warm washcloth to encourage scaly patches to fall off. Leave it on for up to an hour, making sure the cloth stays warm. * If cradle cap doesn't improve or baby continues to react to scalp itchiness, see your pediatrician about a topical lotion or cream. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Passer-by pushes suicide jumper in south China"
I usually just yell "J-U-M-P ! ! !" But pushing works, too, I guess. In China.

' Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge. Chen fell 26 feet (8 meters) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion laid out by authorities and survived, suffering spine and elbow injuries, the official Xinhua News Agency said Saturday. The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen's "selfish activity," Xinhua said. Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area. "I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest," Lai was quoted as saying by Xinhua. "They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities' attention to their appeals." '

REUTERS
"Flight attendant jailed for bomb hoax"
OK, so NOW are ya sorry ya didn't just call in sick? You know, take a mental health day? Instead of a year and a half?

' A flight attendant was jailed for 18 months on Thursday for leaving a bomb hoax note on board an Emirates aircraft he was working on and sparking a scare that led to London's Gatwick Airport briefly closing. Australian national Matthew Carney, 24, left a message in the toilet of a flight from Dubai to London in March which read: "Explosive material can be found in the FWD (forward cargo department). We have the Taliban to thank for this." A passenger on board the Boeing 777 found the note 10 minutes before the plane was due to land and raised the alarm. When the flight arrived at Gatwick it was taken to a secure holding area and surrounded by armed police. The 164 passengers and 16 crew were taken off the plane and interviewed and Carney was arrested shortly afterwards. He pleaded guilty to communicating false information, namely a bomb hoax, at Lewes Crown Court, police said. The court was told that earlier in the flight Carney told his co-workers he had "found" wires hanging down from behind a mirror in a toilet in the economy section, the Press Association reported. But senior cabin crew members who inspected the area found the wires were not attached to anything and the plane carried on to Britain. His lawyer Andel Singh said Carney had been under a great deal of stress and was "extremely tired" at the time having worked on flights on different time schedules throughout the world. '

REUTERS
"Woman appeals ban on female metro drivers"
It's prob'ly best that ladies don't breed with stallions, but, still... Let 'em drive the choo-choos!!!

' A young Russian woman will challenge regulations that ban women from driving trains on the metro after the Supreme Court rejected her legal case on Thursday, local media reported. Student Anna Klevets applied to work as an assistant driver on the chandeliered underground system in Russia's second city, St Petersburg, last November. But she was turned down on grounds that women cannot work with dangerous heavy equipment, Itar-Tass news agency reported. In its Friday issue, Izvestia reports that a 2000 law bans women from 456 jobs, including stallion-breeding and oil drilling. Russia was the second country in the world to give women full voting rights after Finland. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Nebraska boy, 6, takes wheel after dad passes out"
That's some story kid. Now, do you have a license or not?

' Police say a 6-year-old boy grabbed the wheel of their pickup after his dad passed out from low blood sugar and kept them from crashing until a North Platte police officer could bring the truck to a halt. Tustin Mains was in the back seat with his 3-year-old brother when he noticed that his dad, Phillip Mains, slumped down on Sunday evening while they were driving home from a restaurant. "I remember getting up to about the mall — that was about 6:45," Phillip Mains told The North Platte Telegraph. "The next thing I remember was waking up to the officer and paramedics, and it was 8:15." Tustin hopped up from the back seat to his father's lap so he could steer and see out the windshield. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Real Soldiers Love Their Robot Brethren"
Android love.

' "One of the psychologically interesting things is that these systems aren't designed to promote intimacy, and yet we're seeing these bonds being built with them," said Peter Singer, a leading defense analyst at the Brookings Institution and author of "Wired for War: The Robotics Revolution and Conflict in the 21st Century" (Penguin Press HC, 2009). Singer highlights many accounts of human soldiers feeling strong affection for their robots - especially on the Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) teams where Packbots and Talon robots undertake the risk of disabling improvised explosives planted by insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan. One EOD soldier brought in a robot for repairs with tears in his eyes and asked the repair shop if it could put "Scooby-Doo" back together. Despite being assured that he would get a new robot, the soldier remained inconsolable. He only wanted Scooby-Doo. '

AFP
"Skin lightening creams a problem in Senegal"
You can never be too white. Or can you?

' Skin lightening creams containing steroids or hydroquinone are slammed by dermatologists as a real public health hazard, but there is no shortage in Senegalese markets where they continue to seduce clients. According to a 2003 study by French and Senegalese dermatologists, the use of such creams is widespread among women in many Sub-Saharan African countries where an estimated 25 to 67 percent are regular users. For 20 years, Mrs. Diop faithfully applied lightening cream to her face every night before bed to make herself "prettier" -- until unsightly dark spots started appearing two years ago. Fifty-year-old Mrs. Diop, who said she was too embarrassed to give her first name, had been warned of the risks but like many Senegalese women chose to ignore them. "I liked lightening my skin because people say you look better, you're prettier like that," she said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Openly gay teen voted prom queen at LA high school"
A Mormon was second runner up. But who names their kid "Unique Payne"?

' An openly gay teen has been voted prom queen at his Los Angeles high school in a campaign that began as a stunt but ended up spurring discussion on the campus about gender roles and popularity. Sergio Garcia said he felt "invincible" when he was crowned queen of the Fairfax High School dance at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Saturday. Days before the dance, Garcia told fellow students that he was "not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye." He also promised that he would be wearing a suit on prom night, but "don't be fooled: Deep down, I am a queen." And he made good of that promise Saturday, wearing a gray tuxedo topped off with the prized tiara. Senior class president Vanessa Lo said she and other students were initially against the idea but became convinced he wasn't just an attention-seeking clown. "It just goes to show how open-minded our class is," Lo said. Unique Payne, 17, said she voted for Garcia because she supported the gay community. '

AFP
"American says God told him to warn Suu Kyi"
Never give your cell phone number to anyone named "God." You could end up being charged with illegal swimming. He's F**KED!

' "John Yettaw took the stand for the first time in the case against the Nobel Laureate, who faces up to five years in jail on charges of breaching her house arrest, stemming from the American's bizarre visit this month. The 53-year-old said he came to Myanmar from his home in Missouri because he had a dream that terrorists would try to pin the blame for killing her on the military regime, Aung San Suu Kyi's party spokesman Nyan Win told reporters. He said the reason he came was in his vision he saw that Aung San Suu Kyi was assassinated by terrorists. Because of his vision, he came here to warn Aung San Suu Kyi and also the government," Nyan Win said. "In his vision, the terrorists assassinated Aung San Suu Kyi and then they put the blame for the assassination on the government, so that's why he came here to warn both of them," he said. Nyan Win said judges questioned Yettaw for three hours, during which the devout Mormon and former US army veteran repeatedly said he had divine inspiration for his night-time swim on May 4. Yettaw is charged with breaching security laws, illegal swimming and immigration offences. Aung San Suu Kyi's two female assistants are also on trial and were briefly questioned by judges Wednesday. '

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

FUNNY NAMES IN THE NEWS

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A ROSE IS A RUSE IS A RABBLE-ROUSER

YOUTUBE: FOX NEWS
"Jesse Ventura On Fox And Friends Debating Water Boarding"
MAN NAMED AFTER FREEWAY RUNS OVER TALKING HEAD


WHAT'S IN A NAME? I DUNNO, BUNCHA LETTERS, I GUESS?

Ironies Abound, Absurdities Astound, Morons Can Go Pound Sand

OK, grow up! Just because some one or some thing has a funny-sounding name... HEY! I said GROW UP, Schickelgruber! Who are you to laugh? And it's MISTER Cosanostradamus, to you!


REUTERS
"Toll Brothers homebuilding revenue dives 51 percent"
And the house cookies are crumbling!

' Toll Brothers Inc (TOL.N) said on Wednesday that it expected to report a 51 percent drop in quarterly homebuilding revenue, but said new orders had improved from the prior period, reflecting a seasonal upturn. '

CONGRESSIONAL QUARTERLY
"Democrat Chu, Republican Chu to Face Off for Vacant California House Seat"
Chu - Chu? Was this in Chattanooga? Do they swallow, too?

' Democrat Judy Chu, a member of California's tax equalization board, won the crucial Democratic nomination in Tuesday's special primary election for the state's vacant 32nd Congressional District seat. Chu now will be heavily favored to win the July 14 special general election for the seat that former incumbent Hilda L. Solis vacated in February to become President Barack Obama's Labor secretary. The 32nd District, located in east Los Angeles and some near-in suburbs, is overwhelmingly Democratic. In fact, the biggest problem Chu is likely to face in the runoff round is name confusion. The winner of the Republican nomination is Betty Tom Chu, a Monterey Park city councilwoman, whom local news reports say is related to Judy Chu by marriage. '

US NEWS & WORLD REPORT
"Republicans Say No to "Democrat-Socialist" Resolution and Clown Suits"
Now if they could just stop wearing the great big shoes, and all piling into one little car...

' Give credit where it's due: RNC Chairman Michael Steele managed some successful party leadership today. Though in all fairness, that leadership essentially took the form of convincing his fellow Republicans not to dress up in a collective clown suit and convey their policy preferences through air horn blasts. From CNN.com: Members of the Republican National Committee appear to have reached a compromise that would let GOP leaders avoid a possible dispute over a controversial resolution that calls on Democrats to re-name their party the "Democrat Socialist party." Steele has come out against the resolution, calling it "not an appropriate way to express our views on the issues of the day." One of Steele's allies on the committee, Florida GOP chairman Jim Greer, told CNN the resolution is "stupid" and "ridiculous." So... instead of re-nicknaming the Democratic Party (which they already call the Democrat Party) as the "Democrat Socialist Party," they're going simply vote to condemn the "Democrats' march toward socialism." What's really both funny and scary about all of this is how seriously the fringe-nuts in the GOP take it. According to the Washington Post, one RNC member who authored the Democrat-Socialist resolution had this to say: "This will be an opportune time for the RNC to exert bold and aggressive leadership by the passage of these resolutions, which our members and supporters are crying out for and which the American people need and deserve," one of the authors of resolution, Jim Bobb, an RNC member from Indiana, told the committee in a letter. '

CONTRA COSTA TIMES
"What's in name? Facebook may think its fake"
Hey,man, don't trust anybody who doesn't use their real name on line!

' Alicia Istanbul woke up one recent Wednesday to find herself locked out of the Facebook account she opened in 2007, one Facebook suddenly deemed fake. The stay-at-home mom was cut off not only from her 330 friends, including many she had no other way of contacting, but also from the pages she had set up for the jewelry design business she runs from her Atlanta-area home. Although Istanbul understands why Facebook insists on having real people behind real names for every account, she wonders why the online hangout didn't simply ask before acting. "They should at least give you a warning, or at least give you the benefit of the doubt," she said. "I was on it all day. I had built my entire social network around it. That's what Facebook wants you to do." Facebook's effort to purge its site of fake accounts, in the process knocking out some real people with unusual names, marks yet another challenge for the 5-year-old social network. '

WIRED
"Why Your Baby’s Name Will Sound Like Everyone Else’s"
Because they can only pronounce names beginning with ga-ga?

' Emma was the most popular baby girl name of 2008, the Social Security Administration announced today, supplanting Emily, which had held the slot for the past 12 years. Both names, though, reflect a much deeper and largely unnoticed naming trend, which has played out over decades. At the beginning of the last century, names beginning with vowels, like Amanda, dominated the name popularity charts. But slowly their usage fell, bottoming out in the middle of the century as the consonant names, like David or Donna, rose to prominence. Recently, the vowels have been creeping back up to dominance. '

THE MODERATE VOICE
"What’s in a Name? A Dutch Name, That Is."
Och, dem Hollanders! What a low country! A veritable neder-nederland!

' Prior to the Napoleonic era in Holland, family names were not legally required. As a result of the establishment of mandatory and official registration of births, marriages and deaths and for purposes of the census, taxation, conscription, etc., the Dutch who did not have “fixed surnames and given names” were required to adopt a fixed, permanent family name. Many patronymics did become permanent family names—such as today’s very common Peters, Jansen, Willems, Hansen, etc. Consistent with the Dutch independent mind, pragmatism, stubbornness, and yes, sense of humor, thousands upon thousands of Dutch did not take Napoleon seriously. Perhaps, they even wanted to rebel in their own way, or to mock Napoleon and his system—play a practical joke on the French occupiers. Additionally, they looked at this “name system” as a temporary law that would be repealed once Napoleon left Holland. So, they deliberately adopted and registered family names that are funny, ridiculous, confusing, and sometimes even lewd and offensive-sounding—many of the latter supposedly at the expense of Napoleon and the French occupiers.
Some examples are:
• Suikerbuik (Sugar belly)
• Spring in ‘t Veld (Jump in the Field)
• Uiekruier (Onion-crier)
• Naaktgeboren (Born naked)
• Poepjes (Little sh*t)
• Schooier (Beggar, bum, tramp)
• Scheefnek (Crooked-neck)
• Piest ([he] urinates)
• Zeldenthuis (Hardly ever at home)
• Rotmensen (Rotten people)
Also, De Keizer (The Emperor) —ostensibly to mock Napoleon himself. And my own family name, de Wind (the wind). The selection of weird and funny names may have been a joke that backfired. The civil registration system introduced by Napoleon has “stuck” to this day—and so have most of those silly, funny, strange Dutch family names.As a side note: My stepfather (a Dutchman) also has an interesting family name: Kortekaas, which means “short cheese.” '

THE STRAIGHT DOPE
"Is "squaw" an obscene insult?"
My squaw never thought so. Till the day she tomahawked me.

' Q: Here in Maine, the state legislature is taking up a bill to ban the use of the word squaw in place names. Native Americans contend that it is a vulgarity, meaning prostitute or c*** rather than woman. Was this a general word that was used in many languages, or was it specific to one or two? Are there any old Native American songs or poems that might use this word in a more ordinary sense, revealing that it is not as degrading as they might contend, or is it absent from N.A. literature, indicating that it is indeed vulgar? If it is found in the literature, are other "vulgar" words used as well?
A: One doesn't want to get overly PC about it, but the protesters have a point when they say special terms for minority women are inherently demeaning. Think about it. Negress. Jewess. Sixty years ago these terms were in common use. Now they make your flesh creep. Next picture some pot-bellied slob in a cowboy hat: "Why, if it ain't a injun and his squaw." In 1967, 143 place names containing the word nigger were changed to Negro by order of the U.S. Board on Geographic Names. Squaw Valley may not be in the same league as N*gger Lake on the offensiveness scale. But it's up there with Pickaninny Creek. '

WTOP NEWS, WASHINGTON DC
"Place names that make you snicker"
And then there's that tacky new development, Auschwitz Meadows.

' "No, seriously. Where do you live?" Imagine the hassle of living in a town or on a street with a name, such as Intercourse (Pennsylvania) or Beaver Lick (Kentucky). Well, many people in the area have probably endured a snicker or two or gotten tired of spelling the name over the phone. In Maryland, there are areas with names that include Scaggsville, Crapo and Boring. Virginia has Bumpass, Fourway, and Nuttsville. '

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AMUSING NEWS FOR MOMS

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HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE SILLY OLD WORLD

PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND THEY SPELL
"GRB@FLKH-NMIY/TD{S*"

YOUTUBE
"moms guilt trip sep2008"
OY VEY!!! You BETTER f**kin' CALL tomorrow!!!


Just When You Think The World Is Beginning To Make Sense, A Republican Speaks Up...

NEWS FLASH: Don't forget to call your Mom tomorrow! The guilt-trip if you don't would not be sustainable. You Have Been Warned! Look, there's even some stuff you can talk to her about, right here:


AFP
"Murdoch leads charge to get readers to pay online"
Now he wants us to PAY for his bullsh*t!

' The much-villified Australian-born media tycoon is preparing to battle against the practice many hold largely responsible for newspapers' current plight -- the "original sin" of giving away their content for free online. The 78-year-old Murdoch announced this week that the days of free are over. He said he planned to begin charging readers of the websites of News Corp. newspapers "within the next 12 months," testing the scheme "first on some of our stronger ones. Edmonds noted that a number of US newspapers, including The New York Times with its failed "Times Select" payment scheme, had experimented with charging readers. "The proposition of putting the New York Post or The Times of London behind a pay wall -- it's not immediately clear to me why that would go over better with readers than pay online attempts in the past," Edmonds said. "Quite a few United States papers experimented with that at least for a while and typically found their traffic fell through the floor and therefore weren't getting much ad revenue. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Accounting tricks boost bank profits"
In the magical world of banking, losses are now gains! So FUN!!!

' Earnings at several banks also benefited, counterintuitively, because the value of the banks' own debt was reduced to reflect a decline in the market value of that debt. In accounting-speak, a "credit-value adjustment" allows the banks to book a gain. The logic is that they could buy back the debt for less cash than they received when they issued the debt, so they get to claim a benefit, which many analysts say is illusory. Say a bank had issued debt at 100 cents on the dollar, and it now trades at 60 cents on the dollar. The bank can mark down the value of the debt on their books to 60 cents on the dollar, and take a gain on the 40-cent difference. For Citigroup, that debt adjustment totaled $2.5 billion, which helped narrow its losses for the quarter. The New York-based bank posted a first-quarter loss of $966 million, smaller than analysts expected. '

LA TIMES
"U.S. global warming rules won't change to help polar bears"
Ursophobe Stephen Coldbear swaying Obama?

' The Interior Department on Friday let stand a Bush administration policy barring the federal government from using the precarious state of the U.S. polar bear population as a reason to crack down on global warming, upsetting environmentalists and cheering oil and gas companies. The decision means the government cannot use the Endangered Species Act to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, though Interior Secretary Ken Salazar explicitly has blamed those emissions for the habitat erosion that last year landed the polar bear on the list of threatened species. '

MCCLATCHY
"Interior nominee EchoHawk pledges to work for Indian country"
Kewlest name for a Cabinet Secretary, ever.

' Former Idaho Attorney General Larry EchoHawk pledged Thursday to focus on economic development, education and law enforcement if the Senate confirms him as the assistant interior secretary in charge of the Bureau of Indian Affairs. EchoHawk, a member of the Pawnee tribe, told the Senate Indian Affairs Committee that he's seen firsthand the effects of poverty on Indian reservations. As a former prosecutor, EchoHawk said, he also is well aware of the effects of crime on reservation communities. '

YAHOO NEWS
"On May 5, Mexican dominance irks other Latinos"
Cinco de PUTO, cabron!

' With mariachis, tequila and parades, Cinco De Mayo will be celebrated this week in parties across the nation, kicking off a commemoration of Mexican heritage in the United States as a pseudo-holiday that has been adopted by the general population. But for Dagoberto Reyes, a Salvadorian immigrant living in Los Angeles, May 5 is more a reminder of the dominance Mexican culture has in a country that is home to immigrants from many Latin American countries. His prime example: Los Angeles-area public schools. "Our kids go to this school system, and the school system is more preoccupied with Mexico's history, and not the rest of Latin America's, much less El Salvador's," said Reyes, director of Casa de la Cultura, a Salvadorian community center. "They came back celebrating Cinco De Mayo. That holiday means nothing to us." '

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?"
"Historic highs." Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

' "We are actually talking about historic highs when it comes to public support of taxing and regulating marijuana for adult consumption," says Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). But, he adds, "the most difficult task is how you convert public sentiment into public policy." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Just call her 'Dr. Dolly': Parton receives Ph.D."
Doctor of Divinity? Dentistry? Dolliography?

' Award-winning entertainer, businesswoman and education advocate Dolly Parton has a new title. "Just think, I am Dr. Dolly!" she said Friday after receiving an honorary doctorate of humane and musical letters from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Always joking about her buxom figure, she added, "So when people say something about 'Double-D,' they will be thinking of something entirely different." '

AFP
"Polanksi won't return for US court date: lawyers"
He may be a perv, but he's not STUPID!

' Fugitive director Roman Polanski will not return to the United States for a hearing this week where his lawyers will seek to quash a decades-old sex case against him, court documents showed. Oscar-winner Polanski, famed for films such as "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown," fled the United States in 1978 before being sentenced for his guilty plea on a charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old girl. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Peter Espinoza said in February he may consider Polanski's case at this Thursday's hearing but only if the director returned from France, where he now lives. Polanski's legal team says the film-maker's conviction should be tossed on the grounds of misconduct, claiming the late judge who heard his case in the 1970s had improperly colluded with prosecutors. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Double hand transplant patient recovering well"
"Now where did I put that honey-do list?"

' Valarie Kepner was so excited at learning last fall that doctors might be able give her husband new hands that she called the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center without telling him first. Jeff Kepner, 57, had lost his hands and feet a decade ago to sepsis that developed from a strep infection. On Monday, he became the first person to undergo a double hand transplant in the United States and the second person to undergo a hand transplant through the hospital's new hand transplant program. '

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

SICKO CINCO DE MAYO NEWS

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MORE RIDICULOUS SH*T FROM THE WORLD AT LARGE

YOUTUBE: WAR
"War - Low Rider"
Feliz Cinco De Mayo, Vatos Y Vatitas!


AND WHY IS IT STILL AT LARGE?

And Where Were You On The Night Of The Fifth Of Tequila, Er, Mayo, Urp, May, Siginoraeeny? Allegededly? Hic?

Our traditional America-insults-Mexico holiday celebration, in honor of some French dudes getting their asses kicked a long time ago in a galaxia far, far away. That's right, "Guererro De Las Estrellas"!

USA TODAY
"Religious freedom panel adds Iraq, Nigeria to list of concern"
We're helping them fight Christianity over there so they won't come over here and fight it? Your tax dollars at work in Iraq & Afghanistan.

' An independent federal panel on religious freedom has added two countries to its list of "countries of particular concern" — Iraq and Nigeria — and six others to its watch list. "The concerns outlined by the commission in December persist," said Nina Shea, one of the nine commissioners, at a news conference at the National Press Club. She said religious minorities in Iraq are the subject of killings, rapes, and abductions, and a significant portion of the Christian population has fled the country. "A lot of times there is a targeting of the prelates or the religious leaders or the directors of the churches, so it's also a terrorist tactic to show that even the most prominent Christian with the best protection is vulnerable," she said. "And that sets off an exodus."Now on its second-tier "watch list" are Afghanistan, Belarus, Cuba, Egypt, Indonesia. '

MCCLATCHY
"Senators: Put armed men on ships to stop pirates"
Republicans & DINO's apply failed domestic crime policies to international piracy: "It's cheaper to shoot starving children than it is to feed them."
Navy abdicates historic responsibility for keeping the sea lanes open: "We ran out of money in Iraq & Afghanistan. American shipping is now defenseless, despite our huge navy."

' That was the message senators delivered at two hearings Tuesday on U.S. efforts to combat piracy on the world's oceans, a growing problem punctuated in the U.S. by last month's capture of the Maersk Alabama and the dramatic rescue of its captain, Richard Phillips , by Navy SEALs. Phillips told a Senate Commerce subcommittee that the world must address socioeconomic problems on land in Somalia if it wants to eradicate Somali piracy in the Gulf of Aden and the Indian Ocean. "This will require an intensive international effort to address the root causes of piracy within Somalia , and this effort will undoubtedly long and difficult," he said. "But unless the root causes of piracy are addressed, it will continue to expand and evolve into a greater and greater threat for American and foreign seamen." However, members of the Senate Armed Services Committee , which met earlier in the day, had little use for the suggestion that Somalia's chronic political instability, lawlessness and poverty must be fixed in order to stamp out piracy. Instead, several senators voiced a get-tough position, expressing agitation that commercial shipping companies aren't doing more to provide their own security, and frustration over what they feel is a lack of international consensus on how to handle piracy. "These are criminals, and if we treat this criminal activity as being attributable to poverty, we're going to be ineffective in dealing with it," said Sen. Susan Collins , R- Maine . "So from my perspective, our policy is going to be ineffective until we treat this harshly, until we treat this as the criminal activity that it is." Sen. Joseph Lieberman , I-Conn., said it was costly for the U.S. military to patrol the nearly 1 million nautical square mile area near Somalia for pirates. That's also a diversion of military and intelligence resources at a time when the U.S. is fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan , he noted. He suggested that commercial shipping companies don't want to pay for securing their vessels, thinking the expense isn't worth it considering how infrequently pirate attacks occur. Statistically, high seas piracy is a small problem. Flournoy said that 33,000 vessels travel through the Gulf of Aden annually. There were 122 pirate attacks last year, of which 42 were successful. '

GOOGLE NEWS
"Navy cancels ship deployment due to swine flu"
War cancelled on account of pestilence. Two horsemen down, two to go.

' The U.S. Navy says it has canceled the deployment of a ship and ordered its entire crew to be treated with anti-viral drugs after a crew member's illness was confirmed as swine flu. Navy spokesman Lt. Sean Robertson said there are also about 50 suspected cases of the virus from crew members on board the USS Dubuque, which is based in San Diego. He said the crew member with the virus and those suspected of being ill from it have already completed treatment and are recovering. '

AFP
"China denies discriminating against Mexicans"
Imagine if we had quarantined every Chinese person, during the Hong Kong Flu or the SARS Epidemic.

' China on Monday denied discriminating against Mexicans with its strict flu control measures, but quarantined travellers from Mexico questioned aggressive Chinese steps that have sparked a diplomatic spat. "The relevant measures are not directed at Mexican citizens and are not discriminatory," foreign ministry spokesman Ma Zhaoxu said in a statement posted on the ministry's website. The statement came a day after Mexican diplomats complained bitterly to China, saying their countrymen had been placed under a seven-day quarantine despite showing no signs of swine flu. But the Mexican embassy says others arrived on planes from the United States and were quarantined solely because of their nationality. Myrna Elisa Berlanga, 31, a Mexican tourist who arrived in China on Saturday, questioned why she was being quarantined since no one on her flight from the United States had the virus. "Right now we are tired of being confined, not knowing what will happen with us," she told AFP by phone from the hotel near Beijing's airport where she and nine other Mexicans are being isolated. "In my case, it's not the same. Nobody was infected on our plane, so I'm wondering why I have to stay seven days in quarantine." '

GOOGLE NEWS
"'El no habla': Obama jumbles Cinco de Mayo salute"
Look! He's not perfect! Ay caramba!

' President Barack Obama's joke wasn't lost in translation — even though he referred to a Cinco de Mayo celebration as "Cinco de Cuatro." Obama jumbled his words as he welcomed guests to the White House to observe the Mexican holiday, sending the crowd into laughter before he referred to the day correctly. "Welcome to Cinco de Cuatro — Cinco de Mayo at the White House," said Obama, in what appeared to be an attempt to note they were celebrating on the fourth of May instead of the fifth. Cinco de cuatro means "five of four" in Spanish. "We are a day early, but we always like to get a head start here at the Obama White House," he said. During the presidential campaign, Obama acknowledged his Spanish skills weren't great. "My accent's always been good," he said. "It's just that I only know 15 words." The holiday, which marks the Mexican troops' defeat of the French on May 5, 1862, was overshadowed by a swine-flu outbreak that started in Mexico and has spread around the world. Obama pledged to work with Mexican officials to fight the swine flu and drug wars, using the early Cinco de Mayo celebration to underscore the challenges facing the neighboring countries. "I know it's a tough time, on both sides of the border," Obama told lawmakers and other guests. '

THE WASHINGTON POST
"Party Switch Costs Specter His Seniority on Senate Committees"
BWAWHAWHAWHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

' The Senate last night stripped Sen. Arlen Specter (Pa.) of his seniority on committees, a week after the 29-year veteran of the chamber quit the Republican Party to join the Democrats. In announcing his move across the aisle last week, Specter asserted that Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) had assured him he would retain his seniority in the Senate and on the five committees on which he serves. Specter's tenure ranked him ahead of all but seven Democrats. Instead, though, on a voice vote last night, the Senate approved a resolution that made Specter the most junior Democrat on four committees for the remainder of this Congress. (He will rank second from last on the fifth, the Special Committee on Aging.) Reid himself read the resolution on the Senate floor, underscoring the reversal. The loss of seniority could prove costly to Specter in his campaign to win reelection in 2010, denying him the ability to distinguish himself from a newcomer in his ability to claim key positions. Specter said last week that becoming chairman of the Appropriations Committee was a personal goal of his, and his Senate service seemed to put him in position to be the third-ranking Democrat there. Now, though, he will not hold even an Appropriations subcommittee chairmanship in 2011 -- a critical foothold Specter has used to send billions of dollars to Pennsylvania. '

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