HA-HA AND NOT HA-HA FUNNY NEWS

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GERMS & JOBS & OTHER PURSUITS

YOUTUBE: MEL BROOKS & CARL REINER
"Mel Brooks: the 2000 year old man pt. 1"
First, a little history. It couldn't hurt.


WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TIME RUNS OUT

Some Days, The Germ Gets You; Some Days, You Get The Germ

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Or, a Scotch. Could be a Long Island Iced Tea, even. So, pour yourself a drink and enjoy the rest of your life. Or sit there stone cold sober cleaning your weapons. It's a free country. Feh!

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Microbe Wakes Up After 120,000 Years"
First words: "OY! Vhat a TASTE I got in my MOUTH!!!" ...Wait, how do we know these are NOT extraterrestrial?

' After more than 120,000 years trapped beneath a block of ice in Greenland, a tiny microbe has awoken. The long-lasting bacteria may hold clues to what life forms might exist on other planets. The new bacteria species was found nearly 2 miles (3 km) beneath a Greenland glacier, where temperatures can dip well below freezing, pressure soars, and food and oxygen are scarce. The harsh conditions endured by these microbes serve as models of other planets. "These extremely cold environments are the best analogues of possible extraterrestrial habitats," Loveland-Curtze said, referring to the Greenland glacier. "The exceptionally low temperatures can preserve cells and nucleic acids for even millions of years." And studying such microorganisms may provide insight into what sorts of life forms could survive elsewhere in the solar system. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Dream Deferred: Americans May Never Retire"
Aaah! The Good Old Days! Work till you drop dead! Thanks, Republicans & DINO's!

' Retirement is a relatively new concept in the United States. It arose only in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Until then, people worked until they were physically unable to continue, and then their communities supported them. Around the turn of the last century, some big employer-supported pensions started up, but with the Depression, it was clear that businesses couldn't be counted on to support retirees during economic bad times. So social security was initiated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt in the mid-1930s as a government solution. Nowadays, workers hang on like a dog to a bone to the concept of retirement. Meanwhile, each of the three legs of the retirement stool - pensions and/or 401(k)s, social security and personal savings - are getting wobbly. In fact, the only true security for a retiree today is their own savings and investments, Dinkin said. Neither the government nor corporate pensions can be relied upon as the foundation of a stable retirement, he adds. The retirement plans of many Americans went out the window in the past year due to the economic downturn, a new survey finds. A lot of folks now are looking at Plan B, and Plan B means working more and working later in life. It's not unlike what our great-great grandparents planned for, back before the concept of retirement came into vogue. However, working beyond age 65 doesn't have to be dismal, experts say, especially if you change your expectations and push yourself to pursue work in a field that you love. Just keep working '

TIME MAGAZINE
"No Ocean, But Chicago Moves to Legalize Surfing"
Deep-dish luau's are also legal, now. So, nu, maybe the old folks could get work as beach boys, now?

' Midwestern surfers prefer Labor Day through Memorial Day, particularly November onward, when the waves are especially choppy. The water, experts say, is warmer than the air's temperature, and creates an "unstable boundary layer" near the water's surface - hence more waves. Waves during a storm may reach 20 feet, and appear roughly every six to eight seconds. How do they compare to the surf in Hawaii and California? Pacific waves tend to be stronger, and longer, than those in the Midwest because they gain momentum having crossed thousands of miles from Asia. They may be twice as tall, and appear every 10 to 12 seconds during a storm. Those differences, however, don't matter much to Midwestern surfers. Last December, Vince Deur, co-chair of the Surfrider Foundation's chapter here, took a group of friends to the southern shore of Lake Michigan. The air temperature was about 25 degrees. A winter storm covered much of the lake, sending fierce winds from the north to create waves nearly two feet above Deur's head. "The waves," he recalls, "had some nice shape and power. But look," he continues, "we know that in the world of great surfing, as far as quality goes, we're at the bottom. We're in it for the fun." Anticipating the arrival of surfing on Lake Michigan, Deur said Wednesday, "We understand and respect the city's small step approach to opening these beaches. And we consider this a victory." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Ohioans ticketed for parking in own driveways"
Finkbeiner! You're FIRED!!! And forget about a PENSION!!!

' Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are complaining that they received $25 tickets for parking their vehicles in their own driveways. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner (FINK'-by-ner) says he stands by the citations handed out last week by the Division of Streets, Bridges and Harbor. He says the tickets were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways. During a news conference Monday, Finkbeiner ignored a reporter's question of whether the crackdown and fines were related to the city's budget crisis. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Ohio teen who killed over video game gets 23 years"
Sounds like father and son lived in a world of fantasy. But the son's fantasies involved premeditated murder and a double cover-up. Well, it half worked. GAME OVER! (Mom won't have to work, now.)

' Petric was convicted of shooting his parents in October 2007 after they took the game "Halo 3" away from him. The judge, who heard the case without a jury, said at the time of the verdict that the teen was so obsessed over a video game that he may have believed that, like the characters in the game, death wasn't real. The defense claimed his age and addiction to the game made him less responsible. In the video game "Halo 3," players shoot alien monsters that have taken over the Earth. Mark Petric, who has forgiven his son, said he had followed his son's request that his father's congregation be told about his sorrow over the crimes. "He is sorry for causing everyone so much terrible pain," said the father, a minister at New Life Assembly of God in Wellington. At the trial, Mark Petric testified that his son came into the room and asked his parents: "Would you guys close your eyes? I have a surprise for you." The father testified that he expected a pleasant surprise. Then his head went numb from a gunshot. His wife, Susan, 43, died of a gunshot wound to the head. The prosecution said Daniel Petric then tried to make the shootings look like a murder and attempted suicide. He shoved the gun into his father's hand and said, "Hey Dad, here's your gun. Take it," Mark Petric testified. '

REUTERS
"American arrives in Germany with mini arsenal"
"Say whut? No guns allowed in Hitler's birthplace???!!!" "Hitler vas born in Austria, Mein Herr." "Ah'm in AUSTRALIA!!!???" Wonder what job he was on? Or what drug?

' German police stopped an American at Duesseldorf airport on Friday for carrying a pumpgun, two pistols and a combat knife in his luggage. The 38-year-old man, en route to Switzerland from Florida, said he was not aware European security regulations required him to have special permission to transport the weapons. Police found a .12 calibre pumpgun, a .357 magnum revolver, a Smith & Wesson "Long Rifle" and a combat knife. The man told police he had alerted the airline that he would be carrying the weapons and was not aware he needed further permits. The police confiscated the weapons and fined him 450 euros ($633.1) before releasing him. A police spokesman said they were investigating how the man managed to get the weapons through security checks in the United States. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sex selling for less amid economic downturn"
Good news for F**kMart, BJMart, CostBlo, JohnsClub and all their thrifty shoppers. I suspect the "girls" are Grannies who couldn't afford to retire. Or, maybe they just got bored, sittin' on it. Or, maybe it's a labor of love...

' Prostitution is legal in Germany, with the same rights and benefits as other professions, such as health and unemployment insurance. There are about 450,000 prostitutes nationwide, according to 2008 numbers, with 10,000 in Berlin. Streetwalkers like those in the Hackescher Markt make up only about 3 percent, with the remaining 97 percent working in brothels, massage parlors or out of private residences. Though the demand for prostitutes' services remains strong, the supply has increased as more people lose their jobs and turn to the profession, said Marion Detlefs, of the German prostitution advocacy group Hydra. The result is increased competition, she said. In response, clubs and brothels are increasingly marketing themselves either as high-class, exclusive spas, or as bargain basements of delight. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Calif.: Site broke labor law by taping octuplets"
I thought the Octomom herself violated labor laws, by having all those kids. --Not a job for Grannies.

' California authorities slapped an online site Tuesday with four child-labor law violations for videotaping two of Nadya Suleman's octuplets without safeguards to protect their health and welfare. State Labor Commissioner Angela Bradstreet said RadarOnline endangered the newborns, Noah and Isaiah Suleman, by failing to get required state permits, videotaping the infants at hours and for periods of time banned by regulations, and for failing to provide a monitor to watch over them during taping sessions. '

THE REGISTER.COM
"Microsoft sues family over alleged click fraud"
Digital Ma Barker! There's a job for Granny!

' Microsoft has filed its first-ever lawsuit over click fraud, seeking $750,000 in damages from a Canada-based trio who allegedly orchestrated a massive online scam via its pay-per-click search ads. "Microsoft’s Internet Safety Enforcement team has a long history in enforcement efforts on issues such as malicious code distribution, spam, scareware, child protection, and other Internet safety issues, but this is the first case we have filed with respect to click fraud," a company spokeswoman tells The Reg. Microsoft filed its civil complaint in a Seattle-based federal court on Monday, The New York Times reports, after investigating the matter for more than a year. The complaint names three individuals believed to be residents of Vancouver, British Columbia; various company monikers they may have used; and fifty John Does. Microsoft believes that the trio - Melanie Suen, Eric Lam, and Gordon Lam - are a mother and her two sons. '

YAHOO NEWS
"FDA says Zicam nasal spray can cause loss of smell"
It's being rebranded as a homeopathic deodorant. You'll never need to bathe again. Just spray it in other people's faces. --Hey, that could be a job!

' Consumers should stop using Zicam Cold Remedy nasal gel and related products because they can permanently damage the sense of smell, federal health regulators said Tuesday. The over-the-counter products contain zinc, an ingredient scientists say may damage nerves in the nose needed for smell. The other products affected by the Food and Drug Administration's announcement are adult and kid-size Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Swabs. "Loss of the sense of smell is potentially life threatening and may be permanent," said Dr. Charles Lee, of FDA's compliance division. "People without the sense of smell may not be able to detect dangerous life situations, such as gas leaks or something burning in the house." The FDA said Zicam Cold Remedy was never formally approved because it is part of a small group of remedies that are not required to undergo federal review before launching. Known as homeopathic products, the formulations often contain herbs, minerals and flowers. '

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

BAD NEWS, BAD NEWS

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WHICH DO YOU WANT FIRST?

GOT THE BLUES? DON'T TURN ON THE NEWS!

The World Is Going To Hell In A Media Handbasket, Woven Out Of Our Own Eyeballs

There really is a lot of good news out there. OK, fair news. OK, news that doesn't TOTALLY make you want to kill yourself. Immediately. I, I just can't think of any right now.

Let's see. CNN has dead or missing and presumed dead babies, 24/7/52. MSNBC has cops, criminals, jailers and prisoners all day, ever day. Fox has the Fascist apocalypse in living white, continuously, right up until they can actually make it happen. Fingers crossed. The broadcast 'Nets struggle to keep up with all that in just a few half hours each day. But they manage.

All this fear and hate and anger and envy and gluttony and Britney and paranoia have little to do with our own lives, out here in Reality. So why do we watch it? I dunno, why do people slow down for a good long look at a, hopefully, horrible accident, after being stuck in the goddam traffic such rubbernecking causes for an hour? Why do dogs return to their vomit? Because it's free?

Tee-Vee isn't free, folks. Everything you buy, rent, watch, listen to, eat, drink, p*ss or sh*t has advertising built into it. Look before you flush next time. There's a little bit of Bill O'Reilly in all of us. Try a high colonic. And quit buying stuff "As Seen On TV"! Quit watching that swirling bowl of cancerous crap. Just QUIT it. We'll be here if you need us. Later. Our stories are on right now. Jesse's going to marry Rene, but he doesn't know she's a guy. It's OK, though, because he's a girl! But Rene doesn't know that. Can't wait for the climactic scene. Gawd I love me some porn! As long as you're up, make some popcorn!



GOOGLE NEWS
"Elderly gunman kills guard at Holocaust Museum"
They had to let this genocidal maniac out of prison to make room for potheads.

' Von Brunn has a racist, anti-Semitic Web site and wrote a book titled "Kill the Best Gentiles," alleging a Jewish "conspiracy to destroy the white gene pool." In 1983, he was convicted of attempting to kidnap members of the Federal Reserve Board and served more than six years in prison. He was arrested two years earlier outside the room where the board was meeting, carrying a revolver, knife and sawed-off shotgun. At the time, police said von Brunn wanted to take the members hostage because of high interest rates and the nation's economic difficulties. Writings attributed to von Brunn on the Internet say the Holocaust was a hoax and decry a Jewish conspiracy to "destroy the white gene pool." "At Auschwitz the 'Holocaust' myth became Reality, and Germany, cultural gem of the West, became a pariah among world nations," it says. '

AFP
"Earth-Venus smash-up possible in 3.5 billion years: study"
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! Oh, wait, 3.5 BILLION years. I thought they said 3.5 MILLION years. I guess you can walk.

' "Mercury is the trigger, and would be be the first planet to be destabilised because it has the smallest mass," explained Laskar. At some point Mercury's orbit would get into resonance with that of Jupiter, throwing the smaller orb even more out of kilter, he said. Once this happens, the so-called "angular momentum" from the much larger Jupiter would wreak havoc on the other inner planets' orbits too. "The simulations indicate that Mercury, in spite of its diminutive size, poses the greatest risk to our present order," noted University of California scientists Gregory Laughlin in a commentary, also published in Nature. '

REUTERS
"Airbus denies planning to ground A330/340 fleet"
"We're sorry for the loss of your husband on AF447, Ma'am. But we did manage to save a quarter on the part that brought the plane down. So, it's win-win, really."

' French crash investigators have said the Air France jetliner sent out 24 error messages including one suggesting that its speed sensors, known as pitot tubes, were giving inconsistent readings. But they have stressed it is too early to say whether this was linked to the cause of the crash. The sensors on the Air France plane were built by Thales which has declined to comment pending investigations. According to Airbus, the Thales sensors are an optional alternative to the sensors in the basic design of the A330, which are made by Goodrich of the United States. They are among many components on an aircraft for which airlines can choose between alternative suppliers. '

LIVE SCIENCE
"Air Writing: Next Big Thing in Cell Phones?"
I've been doing this for years. That was me next to you on the bus. Oh, no; that day I was conducting the Berliner Philharmoniker. In the air. In my head. In the air. In my head. What's the diff?

' Forget fumbling with tiny cell phone keys. A prototype of a new application allows cell phone users to write short notes in the air and send them automatically to an e-mail address. This represents just one possible step toward allowing people to naturally merge the real world with the information power of the Internet. Travelers and other mobile users could air-write notes to themselves rather than have to text on the run. "By holding the phone like a pen, you can write short messages or draw simple diagrams in the air," said Sandip Agrawal, an electrical and computer engineering student at Duke University in North Carolina. Future versions of this PhonePoint Pen app may even allow users to take a photo with their phone and write a quick note on it. Such interactivity has also emerged in the work of other research groups, such as MIT's Sixth Sense project, and may signal the new era of cyborg technologies. Applications that can piggyback on existing cell phone technology may also get an advantage. "We're trying to get past the whole idea of typing on a keyboard or using a stylus to enter information into devices," said Romit Roy Choudhury, an electrical and computer engineer at Duke who acted as Agrawal's mentor. '

US NEWS & WORLD REPORT
"Best Places to Live 2009"
Perfect! If you're looking for a place with the intellectual and cultural resources of a trailer park.

' In selecting our Best Places to Live for 2009, U.S. News took a thrift-conscious approach: We looked for affordable communities that have strong economies and plenty of fun things to do. The cities we selected are as distinct as America itself--ranging from a quaint suburb to a live-music mecca. But whether you prefer hiking through the Rocky Mountains, pulling a fish out of the Atlantic Ocean, or grilling hot dogs at a college football tailgate, here are 10 places that will fill up your daybook without emptying your wallet. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NY store owner gives would-be thief $40 and bread"
Those MUSLIMS, hanh?! They're not like US!

' Sohail, who moved to the United States from Pakistan about 20 years ago, said he was getting ready to close his store shortly after midnight on May 21 when the man in his 40s entered with a bat in his hand. Sohail said he tried to stall for a moment and then grabbed a rifle he keeps behind the counter and ordered the assailant to drop the bat. The would-be thief dropped to his knees and begged for forgiveness, Sohail said. "He started crying that he was out of work and was trying to feed his hungry family," he said. "I felt bad for him. I mean, this wasn't some kid." He said he tossed $40 to the man, who then stood up and told Sohail he was inspired by the act of mercy and wanted to become a fellow Muslim. Sohail said he led the man in a profession of Muslim faith and the two ended up shaking hands. Sohail said he went to the back of the store to get some milk to give to the man, but when he returned the man had fled. He said he called police and reported the attempted robbery, but he doesn't want to press charges if the man is ever caught. Sohail, who said he had never been the victim of a robbery attempt, said he didn't expect any accolades for what he had done. "I'm a very little man. I just did a good job," said the married father of one. "I have a good feeling in my heart. I feel very good." '

AFP
"Blonde therapy lifts spirits in crisis-hit Latvia"
You can never be too blonde or too stupid.

' Several hundred blondes marched through the Latvian capital Riga Sunday in a bid cheer up the crisis-hit Baltic nation, suffering the worst recession in the 27-member EU. Led by an orchestra, the first-ever blond parade featured women dressed in pink and white, some accompanied by lapdogs, in a charity fund-raising event that organisers hope will become an annual event. "I'm not stupid. I'm beautiful and I'll prove it," blonde participant high school student Ilona Zigure told AFP. Following the parade, blondes climbed into open-topped cars and drove to the local shopping centre to go shopping. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Oklahoma City police probe Alba link to vandalism"
JESSICA! You get down off that shark this INSTANT!!!

' Jessica Alba ... a vandal? Photos have surfaced that appear to show her defacing Oklahoma City property with posters of a great white shark, and police are investigating. Photos that apparently show Alba gluing posters and posing before the defaced billboard were posted to the site of blogger White Mike, but later removed. According to the site, the posters are designed to raise awareness of the dwindling population of great white sharks. A statement posted to the site Wednesday read: "International pressure is the only way to do it and that starts in Oklahoma, the heartland of America." '

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
"Carrie Prejean fires back after losing Miss California crown"
"They" being the International Communistic Terroristical Islamo-Homo-Techno-Sexual Alien Bankers in Area 51.

' Prejean, who was fired by Trump for failing to get clearance for extracurricular activities, claims in response that pageant head Keith Lewis actually encouraged her to pose for Playboy magazine and appear in the reality series "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!" "What's behind this, I think, is a political debate. They don't agree with the stance that I took [on California's Proposition 8].... From day one they wanted me out, and they got what they wanted." '

NY DAILY NEWS
"Sarah Palin attacks David Letterman over 'sexually-perverted' joke"
It's OK to knock up her daughters. You just can't TALK about it: Conservatardism in a NUT shell!

' The CBS funnyman joked Monday of Palin's recent New York visit that "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." But Letterman insisted on his show Wednesday night that he was referring to 18-year-old Bristol Palin, who recently gave birth to a son after roiling the presidential campaign with the revelation she was pregnant. The unwed Bristol has since become a high profile advocate for abstinence. '

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

BUMPER STICKERS FOR CHRIST

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AND OTHER NAZI HEROES

WILL NOT FIT ON HYBRIDS:
PERFECT FOR HUMMERS

("What would Jesus shoot?")

From The Bumper-Sticker Minds Of Conservatives

The New Bible is scrawled on bashed-in automobile fenders and pasted in the cracked back windows of pick-up trucks. The morons who pilot these message-driven VEE-hicles don't have time for whole sentences. Grunts suffice. A whole book, even a Good Book is just too much for our Jesus-freaks these days. They have Jesus coloring books, Christ cartoons, divine video games, Xtian DVDs, even Christian rock, for those who prefer to whistle the liturgy.

The real reason they've strayed so far from the New Testament is that they'd really rather be living in the Old Testament. That's where all the intra-familial begettin' & beheadin' is at. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, waterboard for no reason at all. Good old religious torture porn by the chapter and verse. But it's damned, I mean, derned hard goin' for the home-skewld. That's why we've produced these handy bumper stickers that express the true religious feelings of the average red-State redneck. You know, the assholes who put the fundament in fundamentalist?

You're welcome, yawl. Lick 'em before ya stick 'em. That'll he'p yer marriages, too.


Double-click to enlarge, then right-click to download. Hi-rez versions available by request:

("Pregnancy termination is murder, war is just good fun.")

("Let's execute somebody. Anybody.")

("Baby-killer killer on board")

("Jesus loves me, you he hates")

("Defend traditional marriage: Bring a cow as a dowry")

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

FUNNY NAMES IN THE NEWS

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A ROSE IS A RUSE IS A RABBLE-ROUSER

YOUTUBE: FOX NEWS
"Jesse Ventura On Fox And Friends Debating Water Boarding"
MAN NAMED AFTER FREEWAY RUNS OVER TALKING HEAD


WHAT'S IN A NAME? I DUNNO, BUNCHA LETTERS, I GUESS?

Ironies Abound, Absurdities Astound, Morons Can Go Pound Sand

OK, grow up! Just because some one or some thing has a funny-sounding name... HEY! I said GROW UP, Schickelgruber! Who are you to laugh? And it's MISTER Cosanostradamus, to you!


REUTERS
"Toll Brothers homebuilding revenue dives 51 percent"
And the house cookies are crumbling!

' Toll Brothers Inc (TOL.N) said on Wednesday that it expected to report a 51 percent drop in quarterly homebuilding revenue, but said new orders had improved from the prior period, reflecting a seasonal upturn. '

CONGRESSIONAL QUARTERLY
"Democrat Chu, Republican Chu to Face Off for Vacant California House Seat"
Chu - Chu? Was this in Chattanooga? Do they swallow, too?

' Democrat Judy Chu, a member of California's tax equalization board, won the crucial Democratic nomination in Tuesday's special primary election for the state's vacant 32nd Congressional District seat. Chu now will be heavily favored to win the July 14 special general election for the seat that former incumbent Hilda L. Solis vacated in February to become President Barack Obama's Labor secretary. The 32nd District, located in east Los Angeles and some near-in suburbs, is overwhelmingly Democratic. In fact, the biggest problem Chu is likely to face in the runoff round is name confusion. The winner of the Republican nomination is Betty Tom Chu, a Monterey Park city councilwoman, whom local news reports say is related to Judy Chu by marriage. '

US NEWS & WORLD REPORT
"Republicans Say No to "Democrat-Socialist" Resolution and Clown Suits"
Now if they could just stop wearing the great big shoes, and all piling into one little car...

' Give credit where it's due: RNC Chairman Michael Steele managed some successful party leadership today. Though in all fairness, that leadership essentially took the form of convincing his fellow Republicans not to dress up in a collective clown suit and convey their policy preferences through air horn blasts. From CNN.com: Members of the Republican National Committee appear to have reached a compromise that would let GOP leaders avoid a possible dispute over a controversial resolution that calls on Democrats to re-name their party the "Democrat Socialist party." Steele has come out against the resolution, calling it "not an appropriate way to express our views on the issues of the day." One of Steele's allies on the committee, Florida GOP chairman Jim Greer, told CNN the resolution is "stupid" and "ridiculous." So... instead of re-nicknaming the Democratic Party (which they already call the Democrat Party) as the "Democrat Socialist Party," they're going simply vote to condemn the "Democrats' march toward socialism." What's really both funny and scary about all of this is how seriously the fringe-nuts in the GOP take it. According to the Washington Post, one RNC member who authored the Democrat-Socialist resolution had this to say: "This will be an opportune time for the RNC to exert bold and aggressive leadership by the passage of these resolutions, which our members and supporters are crying out for and which the American people need and deserve," one of the authors of resolution, Jim Bobb, an RNC member from Indiana, told the committee in a letter. '

CONTRA COSTA TIMES
"What's in name? Facebook may think its fake"
Hey,man, don't trust anybody who doesn't use their real name on line!

' Alicia Istanbul woke up one recent Wednesday to find herself locked out of the Facebook account she opened in 2007, one Facebook suddenly deemed fake. The stay-at-home mom was cut off not only from her 330 friends, including many she had no other way of contacting, but also from the pages she had set up for the jewelry design business she runs from her Atlanta-area home. Although Istanbul understands why Facebook insists on having real people behind real names for every account, she wonders why the online hangout didn't simply ask before acting. "They should at least give you a warning, or at least give you the benefit of the doubt," she said. "I was on it all day. I had built my entire social network around it. That's what Facebook wants you to do." Facebook's effort to purge its site of fake accounts, in the process knocking out some real people with unusual names, marks yet another challenge for the 5-year-old social network. '

WIRED
"Why Your Baby’s Name Will Sound Like Everyone Else’s"
Because they can only pronounce names beginning with ga-ga?

' Emma was the most popular baby girl name of 2008, the Social Security Administration announced today, supplanting Emily, which had held the slot for the past 12 years. Both names, though, reflect a much deeper and largely unnoticed naming trend, which has played out over decades. At the beginning of the last century, names beginning with vowels, like Amanda, dominated the name popularity charts. But slowly their usage fell, bottoming out in the middle of the century as the consonant names, like David or Donna, rose to prominence. Recently, the vowels have been creeping back up to dominance. '

THE MODERATE VOICE
"What’s in a Name? A Dutch Name, That Is."
Och, dem Hollanders! What a low country! A veritable neder-nederland!

' Prior to the Napoleonic era in Holland, family names were not legally required. As a result of the establishment of mandatory and official registration of births, marriages and deaths and for purposes of the census, taxation, conscription, etc., the Dutch who did not have “fixed surnames and given names” were required to adopt a fixed, permanent family name. Many patronymics did become permanent family names—such as today’s very common Peters, Jansen, Willems, Hansen, etc. Consistent with the Dutch independent mind, pragmatism, stubbornness, and yes, sense of humor, thousands upon thousands of Dutch did not take Napoleon seriously. Perhaps, they even wanted to rebel in their own way, or to mock Napoleon and his system—play a practical joke on the French occupiers. Additionally, they looked at this “name system” as a temporary law that would be repealed once Napoleon left Holland. So, they deliberately adopted and registered family names that are funny, ridiculous, confusing, and sometimes even lewd and offensive-sounding—many of the latter supposedly at the expense of Napoleon and the French occupiers.
Some examples are:
• Suikerbuik (Sugar belly)
• Spring in ‘t Veld (Jump in the Field)
• Uiekruier (Onion-crier)
• Naaktgeboren (Born naked)
• Poepjes (Little sh*t)
• Schooier (Beggar, bum, tramp)
• Scheefnek (Crooked-neck)
• Piest ([he] urinates)
• Zeldenthuis (Hardly ever at home)
• Rotmensen (Rotten people)
Also, De Keizer (The Emperor) —ostensibly to mock Napoleon himself. And my own family name, de Wind (the wind). The selection of weird and funny names may have been a joke that backfired. The civil registration system introduced by Napoleon has “stuck” to this day—and so have most of those silly, funny, strange Dutch family names.As a side note: My stepfather (a Dutchman) also has an interesting family name: Kortekaas, which means “short cheese.” '

THE STRAIGHT DOPE
"Is "squaw" an obscene insult?"
My squaw never thought so. Till the day she tomahawked me.

' Q: Here in Maine, the state legislature is taking up a bill to ban the use of the word squaw in place names. Native Americans contend that it is a vulgarity, meaning prostitute or c*** rather than woman. Was this a general word that was used in many languages, or was it specific to one or two? Are there any old Native American songs or poems that might use this word in a more ordinary sense, revealing that it is not as degrading as they might contend, or is it absent from N.A. literature, indicating that it is indeed vulgar? If it is found in the literature, are other "vulgar" words used as well?
A: One doesn't want to get overly PC about it, but the protesters have a point when they say special terms for minority women are inherently demeaning. Think about it. Negress. Jewess. Sixty years ago these terms were in common use. Now they make your flesh creep. Next picture some pot-bellied slob in a cowboy hat: "Why, if it ain't a injun and his squaw." In 1967, 143 place names containing the word nigger were changed to Negro by order of the U.S. Board on Geographic Names. Squaw Valley may not be in the same league as N*gger Lake on the offensiveness scale. But it's up there with Pickaninny Creek. '

WTOP NEWS, WASHINGTON DC
"Place names that make you snicker"
And then there's that tacky new development, Auschwitz Meadows.

' "No, seriously. Where do you live?" Imagine the hassle of living in a town or on a street with a name, such as Intercourse (Pennsylvania) or Beaver Lick (Kentucky). Well, many people in the area have probably endured a snicker or two or gotten tired of spelling the name over the phone. In Maryland, there are areas with names that include Scaggsville, Crapo and Boring. Virginia has Bumpass, Fourway, and Nuttsville. '

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AMUSING NEWS FOR MOMS

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HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE SILLY OLD WORLD

PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND THEY SPELL
"GRB@FLKH-NMIY/TD{S*"

YOUTUBE
"moms guilt trip sep2008"
OY VEY!!! You BETTER f**kin' CALL tomorrow!!!


Just When You Think The World Is Beginning To Make Sense, A Republican Speaks Up...

NEWS FLASH: Don't forget to call your Mom tomorrow! The guilt-trip if you don't would not be sustainable. You Have Been Warned! Look, there's even some stuff you can talk to her about, right here:


AFP
"Murdoch leads charge to get readers to pay online"
Now he wants us to PAY for his bullsh*t!

' The much-villified Australian-born media tycoon is preparing to battle against the practice many hold largely responsible for newspapers' current plight -- the "original sin" of giving away their content for free online. The 78-year-old Murdoch announced this week that the days of free are over. He said he planned to begin charging readers of the websites of News Corp. newspapers "within the next 12 months," testing the scheme "first on some of our stronger ones. Edmonds noted that a number of US newspapers, including The New York Times with its failed "Times Select" payment scheme, had experimented with charging readers. "The proposition of putting the New York Post or The Times of London behind a pay wall -- it's not immediately clear to me why that would go over better with readers than pay online attempts in the past," Edmonds said. "Quite a few United States papers experimented with that at least for a while and typically found their traffic fell through the floor and therefore weren't getting much ad revenue. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Accounting tricks boost bank profits"
In the magical world of banking, losses are now gains! So FUN!!!

' Earnings at several banks also benefited, counterintuitively, because the value of the banks' own debt was reduced to reflect a decline in the market value of that debt. In accounting-speak, a "credit-value adjustment" allows the banks to book a gain. The logic is that they could buy back the debt for less cash than they received when they issued the debt, so they get to claim a benefit, which many analysts say is illusory. Say a bank had issued debt at 100 cents on the dollar, and it now trades at 60 cents on the dollar. The bank can mark down the value of the debt on their books to 60 cents on the dollar, and take a gain on the 40-cent difference. For Citigroup, that debt adjustment totaled $2.5 billion, which helped narrow its losses for the quarter. The New York-based bank posted a first-quarter loss of $966 million, smaller than analysts expected. '

LA TIMES
"U.S. global warming rules won't change to help polar bears"
Ursophobe Stephen Coldbear swaying Obama?

' The Interior Department on Friday let stand a Bush administration policy barring the federal government from using the precarious state of the U.S. polar bear population as a reason to crack down on global warming, upsetting environmentalists and cheering oil and gas companies. The decision means the government cannot use the Endangered Species Act to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, though Interior Secretary Ken Salazar explicitly has blamed those emissions for the habitat erosion that last year landed the polar bear on the list of threatened species. '

MCCLATCHY
"Interior nominee EchoHawk pledges to work for Indian country"
Kewlest name for a Cabinet Secretary, ever.

' Former Idaho Attorney General Larry EchoHawk pledged Thursday to focus on economic development, education and law enforcement if the Senate confirms him as the assistant interior secretary in charge of the Bureau of Indian Affairs. EchoHawk, a member of the Pawnee tribe, told the Senate Indian Affairs Committee that he's seen firsthand the effects of poverty on Indian reservations. As a former prosecutor, EchoHawk said, he also is well aware of the effects of crime on reservation communities. '

YAHOO NEWS
"On May 5, Mexican dominance irks other Latinos"
Cinco de PUTO, cabron!

' With mariachis, tequila and parades, Cinco De Mayo will be celebrated this week in parties across the nation, kicking off a commemoration of Mexican heritage in the United States as a pseudo-holiday that has been adopted by the general population. But for Dagoberto Reyes, a Salvadorian immigrant living in Los Angeles, May 5 is more a reminder of the dominance Mexican culture has in a country that is home to immigrants from many Latin American countries. His prime example: Los Angeles-area public schools. "Our kids go to this school system, and the school system is more preoccupied with Mexico's history, and not the rest of Latin America's, much less El Salvador's," said Reyes, director of Casa de la Cultura, a Salvadorian community center. "They came back celebrating Cinco De Mayo. That holiday means nothing to us." '

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?"
"Historic highs." Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

' "We are actually talking about historic highs when it comes to public support of taxing and regulating marijuana for adult consumption," says Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). But, he adds, "the most difficult task is how you convert public sentiment into public policy." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Just call her 'Dr. Dolly': Parton receives Ph.D."
Doctor of Divinity? Dentistry? Dolliography?

' Award-winning entertainer, businesswoman and education advocate Dolly Parton has a new title. "Just think, I am Dr. Dolly!" she said Friday after receiving an honorary doctorate of humane and musical letters from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Always joking about her buxom figure, she added, "So when people say something about 'Double-D,' they will be thinking of something entirely different." '

AFP
"Polanksi won't return for US court date: lawyers"
He may be a perv, but he's not STUPID!

' Fugitive director Roman Polanski will not return to the United States for a hearing this week where his lawyers will seek to quash a decades-old sex case against him, court documents showed. Oscar-winner Polanski, famed for films such as "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown," fled the United States in 1978 before being sentenced for his guilty plea on a charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old girl. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Peter Espinoza said in February he may consider Polanski's case at this Thursday's hearing but only if the director returned from France, where he now lives. Polanski's legal team says the film-maker's conviction should be tossed on the grounds of misconduct, claiming the late judge who heard his case in the 1970s had improperly colluded with prosecutors. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Double hand transplant patient recovering well"
"Now where did I put that honey-do list?"

' Valarie Kepner was so excited at learning last fall that doctors might be able give her husband new hands that she called the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center without telling him first. Jeff Kepner, 57, had lost his hands and feet a decade ago to sepsis that developed from a strep infection. On Monday, he became the first person to undergo a double hand transplant in the United States and the second person to undergo a hand transplant through the hospital's new hand transplant program. '

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SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

DUBYA BEGS YOUR PARDON: NOT!

.
HE CAN ALWAYS JUST PARDON HIMSELF

DISASTROUS OUTGOING CIC DOESN'T SAY HE'S SORRY


YOUTUBE: SEX PISTOLS
"Sid Vicious - My Way (Complete & uncut)"



ABC NEWS: DUBYA CONFESSES TO CHARLEY
"Gibson Interviews George W. Bush HQ 12/01"



Regrets, He's Had A Few, But He Did It HIS Way!

TEXT OF BUSH NON-APOLOGY

"First of all, I just wanna say that I have never done nothing wrong, not on purpose, not legalistically, not really, heh-heh, heh-heh. If I ever did do somethin' wrong, I'd just get borned agin, cuz it worked like a charmer the first couple times. I mighta never made Guvner without it, heh-heh, heh-heh.

I do have one or two little rugrits. I rugrit not havin' any interns. Didn't know I could. Laura said it was ee-legal. Fool me once, what a shame, fool me twice, there ya go ag'in. Probly saved me from gittin' runned over, like her last guy. Heh-heh.

The only other thing was Eye-rack. I don't rugrit all the dead and wounded American soldier: They got their paycheck and bonus. I don't rugrit all them so-called million of dead Eye-rackee. They're the evil-doer, right? The enemy? With the rag-hat? Mm-hm.

As to the economy, well, I'm real sorry a lot of yawl has lost yer jobs cuz a' the war. Maybe you coulda join the Army. Or, better yet, the Air National Guard. You cain't git shot there, take my words for it. Well, now, don't TAKE 'em. Jus' try'n remember 'em. Write 'em on yer hand, that's what I do. See: "NUCULERATE RUSHA." Shoot, I forgot to do that. Guess I'll leave it for the colored guy.

So that just leaves them derned Dubya Em Dees they named after me. We shoulda named 'em Cheney Em Dees er Colin Powell Em Dees. But that sounds too medicational, I guess. Anyway, we forgot to bring some to Eye-rack, so we couldn't find any over there. I tole them generals ta brang some, but I guess they plumb fergot. So I had a couple staff-sergeants tortured, pretty much ever' day for the last six years. It's good clean fun. No worse than Skull & Bones. I got the DVDs. Mr. Cheney says make sure'n don't leave 'em behind fer that colored fella. Yawl watch "24"? They torture all the time on there, an' it works, tell you whut. They had a colored President too. Look how that turned out. Heh-heh.

So, I didn't do nothing wrong that can be proved any more. But I officially pardon me, anyhoo. An ever'body else, too. The end.

Are we done here? Jesus Christ, I need me a goddamn drink!"

REUTERS
"Bush calls flawed Iraq intelligence biggest regret"
No regrets about the war itself, just the lame excuse for it. And he would have gone anyway, with or without WMDs or 9/11.

' President George W. Bush said the biggest regret of his presidency was flawed intelligence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and told ABC "World News" in an interview airing on Monday that he was unprepared for war when he took office. "The biggest regret of all the presidency has to have been the intelligence failure in Iraq. A lot of people put their reputations on the line and said the weapons of mass destruction is a reason to remove Saddam Hussein," Bush said. But he declined to speculate on whether he would have gone to war if the intelligence had said Iraq did not possess weapons of mass destruction. "That's an interesting question. That is a do-over that I can't do," Bush said, according to excerpts from the recent ABC interview at Camp David. Pulling U.S. forces out of Iraq before the appropriate time would have compromised his principles, he said. "It was a tough call, particularly, since a lot of people were advising for me to get out of Iraq, or pull back in Iraq," he said. '

USA TODAY
"Bush: 'I was unprepared for war'"
That was Cheney's job.

' President Bush made some interesting comments about his readiness to command the country in wartime and his regrets about the intelligence that his administration relied on before the invasion of Iraq. He also said the 2008 election, which delivered the White House to Democrat Barack Obama, "was a repudiation of Republicans." Here's an excerpt from the interview with Charles Gibson of World News: GIBSON: What were you most unprepared for? BUSH: Well, I think I was unprepared for war. In other words, I didn't campaign and say, "Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack." In other words, I didn't anticipate war. '

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SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

RULLY, LIKE STOOOOPID NEWS, DOOD

.
THE ALIENS ARE DEFINITELY GONNA EAT US

NO WAY WE CAN BEAT THEM AT CHESS. OR CHECKERS. OR TIDDLYWINKS.

YOUTUBE
"Funny UFO Prank"
Aliens are TURKEYS! Hope they don't show up on Thanksgiving!! Unless they're CANNIBALS!!!



Let's Hope They Don't Have A Cold Vaccine


YAHOO NEWS
"India celebrates planting its flag on moon"
They're starving in India, so I guess they went to the Moon to forage for food.

' India rejoiced Saturday at joining an elite club by planting its flag on the moon as the country's space agency released the first pictures of the cratered surface taken by its maiden lunar mission. A probe sent late Friday from the orbiting mother spacecraft took pictures and gathered other data India needs for a future moon landing as it plummeted to a crash-landing at the moon's south pole, said Indian Space Research Organization spokesman B.R. Guruprasad. '

YAHOO NEWS
"The Saudis' dubious interfaith agenda at the UN"
The Saudi's, who won't allow U.S. oilmen, servicemen and diplomats to go to their own churches on Saudi soil, are gonna teach the rest of us TOLERANCE!!! OK.

' World leaders gathering at the United Nations this week for a special session of the General Assembly to advance interfaith dialogue should have no illusions that their efforts will miraculously promote mutual respect between religious communities or end abuses of religious freedom. Saudi King Abdullah, who initiated this week's special session, is quietly enlisting the leaders' support for a global law to punish blasphemy – a campaign championed by the 56-member Organization of Islamic Conference that puts the rights of religions ahead of individual liberties. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Tomboy protests a security threat?"
I guess this is why the men wear dresses over there, too.

' Malaysia's police, who have recently cracked down on dissident bloggers and broken up anti-government demonstrations, say that protests over an edict against Muslim women wearing trousers are a security threat. Mainly Muslim Malaysia's National Fatwa Council recently issued a religious ruling that wearing trousers was un-Islamic. It said that, by wearing trousers, young girls risked becoming "tomboys" who became sexually active. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Taiwanese court orders former president detained"
Yer next, Dubya. Heh-heh, heh-heh.

' Lai Ching-te of the Democratic Progressive Party said Chen, 57, claimed he was attacked by a member of the prosecutors' staff while in transit between a Taipei prosecutors' office and the nearby Taipei District Court. Chen was taken to a Taipei hospital where doctors concluded that he suffered only a minor muscle injury. He was then returned to court and the session resumed. Prosecutors denied there had been any attack. The episode was a bizarre development in a day that began with Chen facing more than five hours of grilling from investigators looking into allegations of money laundering during his recently concluded presidency. Early Tuesday afternoon, he was driven in handcuffs from the prosecutors' office in downtown Taipei to the nearby court building. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sheriff to ban deputies from mixing drinking, guns"
Not even one for the road?

' The sheriff of Los Angeles County plans to prohibit his off-duty deputies from carrying their guns while drinking because several have been accused in recent years of firing weapons while intoxicated. Sheriff Lee Baca says there has been a disturbing rise in alcohol-fueled misbehavior among his deputies in the nation's largest sheriff's department. Since 2004, more than a dozen deputies have been accused of brandishing or shooting a gun while under the influence of alcohol. At least 61 have been arrested this year on alcohol-related charges, 39 of them for driving under the influence, and most of them were armed at the time. '

LOWER HUDSON JOURNAL NEWS
"Yorktown police officer remembers life-changing UFO sighting"
Now, this is what happens when you have more than one for the road.

' "It was a tremendous object, wing-shaped, coming towards me. ... It had landing lights - white lights - all white lights that stretched a good 200 yards," said Soravilla, now a lieutenant. Because it was only 1,000 feet in the air, to his estimation, he thought it was in trouble and he jumped out of his cruiser. But instead of crashing, it started flashing colors of alternating green, blue and amber, making a sonic sweeping sound. "At this point it stopped, and this is when I kind of got a little frightened," Soravilla said during a recent interview at police headquarters. "It pivoted, like on an axis, and started to move westward." It was as close an encounter as anyone would have in a night with hundreds of UFO reports from New Castle to Danbury, Conn., and he hadn't seen it all yet. Not wanting to put such an anomalous report on the radio, Soravilla drove back to headquarters, where the dispatcher was already overwhelmed with UFO calls. Then about 9 p.m., when police departments in Carmel, Kent and Brewster indicated that the lights had been there and were headed back to Yorktown, Soravilla walked out of headquarters with a dispatcher and a friend from the highway department to see if they could spot it again. "Unbelievable," Soravilla said. "It starts to come right over the hill. Right towards us. Tremendous. Huge." Remembering his training, he tried to determine a sound: "It was actually dead silence." Trusting his observation, he tried to determine a shape among the lights, only 500 feet above: "I didn't see any structure, but when it passed over it blocked out the stars. "My legs were shaking," he said. "I never saw anything like it in my life." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Strange Portal Connects Earth to Sun"
At home, we just call it "The Sky."

' Like giant, cosmic chutes between the Earth and sun, magnetic portals open up every eight minutes or so to connect our planet with its host star. Once the portals open, loads of high-energy particles can travel the 93 million miles (150 million km) through the conduit during its brief opening, space scientists say. Called a flux transfer event, or FTE, such cosmic connections not only exist but are possibly twice as common as anyone ever imagined, according to space scientists who attended the 2008 Plasma Workshop in Huntsville, Ala., last week. '

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

MONDAY MORNING BLUES NEWS

.
WEIRD, FUNNY, CREEPY, ODD, RIDICULOUS TIDBITS FROM THE WORLD PRESS

YOU COULD MAKE THIS STUFF UP, BUT WHY?

If You See Your Name In The Obituaries, Call In Sick


"Cadbury Recall: Oreos, M&Ms, Snickers At Issue"
Who you callin' an Oreo, and snickerin' 'bout Eminem?

"Models on the loo: Britain's Turner Prize shortlist unveiled"
OK, loo means toilet, but what does "models" mean, in British?

"Arab TV fans gripped by saga of World War II singing spy"
Madonna-Hari?

"'666' road sign thefts bedeviling roadways"
I like the METAL PLATE AHEAD signs. I cover the A with IN.

"The Latest Star Wars Woes: Launching Fake Targets"
There's no aliens anyway, right?

"Women say NY's dollar-dance clubs have darker side"
That's where they do the lap-dances.

"GOP, Democrats battle in Pa. over voter dress code"
Republicans want women to wear a chador.

"Mexicans boo Mayan pyramids concert by Great Tenor"
But he was singing his heart out!

"Bacteria Think Ahead"
McCain should hire them to run his campaign.

"Bailout legislation boosts Texans' mental health coverage"
OK then, it's worth it, I guess.

"Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS"
Apparently, they were crushed by the fans. Put them NEXT to the baby, stoopits!

"New Flying Dinosaur Drone to Resemble Pterodactyl"
New unmanned tanks will resemble T-Rex.

"DNA fingerprinting could reveal your surname"
And your shoe size.

"Speculation laptop use caused Qantas flight plunge - News - Travel"
Must be the new Air-Alqaida laptops.

"German doing well after 1st double arm transplant"
On the other hand, now he has another hand.

"NYC National Debt Clock runs out of digits"
Not to worry. We'll make more zero's.

"New Research Uses Male Testicle Cells to Create Stem Cells"
OUCH!

"Scientists: Virginia shark's pup a 'virgin birth' "
Jesus jumps the shark.

"Bridge directors vote for net to deter suicides"
The giant stewpot lost.

"Visit China's Forbidden City -- as a virtual eunuch"
Not worth the price of admission.

"Freegans and FreeCycling Gain Fans"
Formerly known as cheap f*cking schnorrers.

"German village remembers Prussia's Scottish general"
Actually, he was just a Prussian on Scotch.

"Kenya's elephants send text messages to rangers"
Rude ones, too.

"Manatee dies before reaching rehab site"
Attaboy.

"Czech author Kundera accused of informing on spy"
In his defense, it was totally kewl back then.

"Internet Searching May Boost Brain"
And emailing is good for the pancreas, I've heard.

"US authorities shutter worldwide spam operation"
What do the Feds have against canned mystery meat?

"Mafia wants author dead by Christmas"
Who knew they could read?

"Mechanics named in Spanish air crash probe"
Over here, we just do a regular christening. Cheaper, safer, easier.

"Washington Takes Aim at College Endowments"
Nothing the Republicans hate worse than a bunch of money going to waste, by somebody else.

"Plane engines found with damaged, missing parts"
Before or after a crash?

"Search Mounted for Boy Believed Kidnapped by Drug Gang"
Weird story.

"Jocelyn Kirsch gets five-year sentence"
Ironically, nobody knows who the f*ck she is. And she got busted for identity-theft.

"Kidnapped Boy's Grandfather Arrested, Missing Man With Alleged Ties To Mexican Drug Traffickers Found In S. California; Amber Alert For Missing 6-Yr.-Old"
It just keeps getting weirder.

"Lily Tomlin wants Dallas elephant relocated"
Evidently, Ernestine's in charge of elephants now.

"Jesus Gastelum"
Ah, Jesus did it!

"Police: Boy safe after abduction by drug dealers"
This ain't over. Bet Gramps did it, for the money. Coen Brothers, get the option, quick!

"Police arrest Mich. man for car wash vacuum sex"
Hey, this could happen to anybody. Right? Right?

"Farrakhan: A 'new beginning' for Nation of Islam"
They ran out of hate. They're making more.
.
.

TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

WACKY WEIRD WILD & WORRISOME NEWS

.
MOSTLY FUNNY, THOUGH. DID I MENTION IT'S FUN? SO FUN!

HEY KIDS, IT'S TIME TO PLAY "THERE'S BIGGER A-HOLES THAN ME"!

Well, Bigger A-Holes Than YOU, Anyways! Heh-Heh!


FOODCONSUMER.ORG
"Cannot afford raising children? Send them to Nebraska!"
OUCH! Nebraska! Seems a little HARSH! Don't they like do stuff to ya with corn out there? WATCH OUT FOR THE CORN, GIRL!!!

' Nebraska just passed the law in July after years of lawmakers' attempts making it the last state that allows parents to legally abandon their children in hospital or police department without prosecution. Gary Staton dropped five boys and four girls ages 20 months to 17 years at Creighton University Medical Center's Emergency room and then walked away. The man still keeps his tenth child, an 18 year-old daughter, according to the Associated Press. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Japan's online social scene isn't so social "
In Saiba-Spasu, No One Can Hear You Bow

' Welcome to Japan's online social scene, where you're unlikely to meet anyone you don't know already. The early promises of a new, open social frontier, akin to the identity-centric world of Facebook and MySpace in the U.S., have been replaced by a realm where people stay safely within their circles of friends and few reveal themselves to strangers. "There is the sense that, `My face just isn't that interesting, or I'm not attractive — there is nothing special about me to show people,'" says Tetsuya Shibui, a writer who has long followed the Internet in Japan. Indeed, the Japanese virtual world has turned out just like the real one. People rarely give their first names to those they don't know well. Spontaneous exchanges are uncommon even on the tightly packed trains and streets of Tokyo. TV news shows often blur the faces of those caught in background footage and photos to protect their privacy. '

REUTERS
"Lamb-eating sea eagles upset Scottish farmers"
And It's Ruining Their Love-Lives

' Sheep farmers in remote northwest Scotland are furious about a sea eagle reintroduction programme, saying the huge birds of prey are damaging their livelihoods by killing 200 lambs in the past year. Fraser said the sea eagles -- which have a wing span of eight feet (2.4 metres) and can weigh eight kgs (18 lbs) when fully grown -- will snatch even year-old sheep. Reynolds said that last week an RSPB team in Scotland examined a sea eagle nest on Gairloch and found their diet consisted largely of Fulmars, a sea bird, and quite large lamb bones, suggesting they were scavenged. '

AFP
"Monster pig traps Aussie woman in home"
Women Who Love Pigs Too Much.

' ""It's a beautiful male pig but he's just so big and so pushy," she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It started getting very pushy, started pushing me around, so I started to get a bit frightened, until the stage that it started knocking on my door at four o'clock in the morning, actually head-butting my door," she said. "This morning, I wanted to go to my toilet, which is outside. I opened up the door and the pig pushed me that hard, it pushed me back into my room, where I fell over," she said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Woman named Bacon wins Idaho hog-calling title"
It Doesn't Seem Fair, Somehow.

' Bacon won the crown over as she started her hog call with a few loud snorts and a long, drawn-out "sooey." She has raised several champion pigs for 4-H contests. Bacon says she calls pigs every morning and night with her 9-year-old daughter, Jacey. The northern Idaho woman took first place Saturday in the competition at the Nez Perce County Fair. '

YAHOO NEWS
"McCartney's ex donating $1M in vegan food to Bronx"
BPFTHFPBTHBPTHP!!!! Yo, I Got Ya Veggie-F*ckin'-Boigahs Right Heah, Bitch! Veggie DIS!

' Paul McCartney's ex-wife is donating $1 million worth of soy hamburgers, soy hot dogs and soy chicken cutlets to one of the poorest neighborhoods in the Bronx. Heather Mills is set to announce the donation just before the Hunts Point Back to School Fair kicks off Saturday afternoon. The vegan animal rights campaigner is an honorary chairwoman of the nonprofit that organizes the event. She tells the New York Post that she wants to make sure children in the neighborhood "have as many nutritional advantages as anyone else." '

REUTERS
"Italian pet owners face fines on dog mess tests "
CSI My Poopy

' Dog excrement used to be merely a nuisance to pedestrians, now it could be used as evidence against pet owners and may lead to fines. A town in northern Italy plans to create a DNA database of all registered dogs and then test droppings left on pavements and in parks to identify the culprit and fine owners who fail to clean up after their pets, La Stampa daily reported Tuesday. '

AFP
"Digital evolution: early fish had primitive fingers, says study"
So That Freakin' Fish WAS Givin' Me The Finger!!!

' Scientists have traced the origin of fingers and toes to fish-like creatures that roamed the seas 380 million years ago, according to a new study. "What we have shown is that the hand and the foot emerge from pre-existing bits of the fin skeleton that were just reshaped, rather than being entirely new bits that were bolted onto the existing fin skeleton," said co-author Per Ahlberg, a researcher at Uppsala University in Sweden. But recent research in genetics had suggested that rudimentary digits might have emerged further back along the evolutionary tree than once suspected. The image shows stubby bones at the end of the fin skeleton clearly arrayed like four fingers, called distal radials. There are no joints, and the bones are quite short, but there could be no doubt as to what they were. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Stressed plants produce an aspirin-like chemical"
I KNEW Those Pakalolo's Were Talking About Me!

' Aspirin is among the most popular remedies used by people. Turns out some plants like it, too. Researchers at the National Center for Atmospheric Research were surprised to discover that stressed plants produce an aspirin-like chemical that can be detected in the air above the plants. The chemical may be a sort of immune response that helps protect the plants, the scientists speculated. "Our measurements show that significant amounts of the chemical can be detected in the atmosphere as plants respond to drought, unseasonable temperatures or other stresses." While researchers had known that plants in the laboratory produce a form of aspirin known as methyl salicylate, they had never looked for it in the forest. But when they set up measuring devices in a walnut grove near Davis, Calif., to monitor plant emissions that can affect pollution, they discovered measurable amounts of methyl salicylate. Previous studies have shown that plants being eaten by animals also produce chemicals that can be sensed by other plants nearby. In addition to having an immune-like function, the chemical may be a means for plants to communicate to neighboring plants, warning them of the threat. "These findings show tangible proof that plant-to-plant communication occurs on the ecosystem level," says NCAR scientist Alex Guenther, a co-author of the study. "It appears that plants have the ability to communicate through the atmosphere." '

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