BASS ACKWARDS HEADLINES

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DYSLEXIC VIEWS OF THE NEWS

HOW PEOPLE WITH READING DISABILITIES SEE THE DAY'S TOP STORIES

OK, It Sounded Funnier When We Told That Deaf Guy Who's Always Laughing...

Come to think of it, what the f**k is he laughing at? [Checks fly.]


GOOGLE NEWS
"Colombian swine comes down with the president flu"
We wondered why he was snorting so much.

' Colombian President Alvaro Uribe has the swine flu and officials have advised other South American leaders who met with him at a summit of the infection, authorities said Sunday. '

CQ POLITICS
"Ex-Christ Aide To Be Appointed to Florida Senate Seat"
Wow. We thought the Apostles were all dead! Or Democrats!

' Florida Gov. Charlie Crist will appoint George LeMieux, his former chief of staff, to succeed Sen. Mel Martinez after the Republican incumbent resigns his seat in early September. '

BBC
"US trailer park death toll rises "
Better them than us. How much is the toll, anyhoo? Wait, I have exact change of life!

' An eighth person has died following an attack in a mobile home in the US state of Georgia, police say. '

TIME MAGAZINE
"Amid the Nation's Fallen, Kennedy Is Laid to Rest"
They should have bought one of those things for when you need help, cuz you've fallen and you can't get up. What was Mr. Kennedy doing there? Was he sleepy, Mommy?

' A story told around Arlington National Cemetery holds that John F. Kennedy paid a visit around Veteran's Day in 1963. As he stood near the mansion that once was home to Robert E. Lee, taking in the sweeping view of the Potomac River down below and the National Mall rolling out toward the distant Capitol, he remarked, "I could stay here forever." '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Powerful Ideas: Mutant Polyester + Bacteria = More Biafras"
Jello?

' Brewing a certain type of biofuel with a mutant bacteria and polyester could double the fuel's production, researchers have found. '

THE WASHINGTON POST
"Obama Supporters Organize Bus Tour, Campaign-Style Events Across U.S."
Someone should tell them he won. Nah, let 'em punk themselves.

' President Obama's supporters hope to recapture the energy of last year's triumphant election campaign in a bid to regain control of the health-care debate, planning more than 2,000 house parties, rallies and town hall meetings across the country over the next two weeks. '

THE PHILADELPHIA ENQUIRER
"Mofo set to return Key to prison today"
How dat mofo got da key?

' ASHLAND, Ky. - Former State Sen. Vincent J. Fumo's new, assigned residence doesn't match the grandeur of the 27-room mansion he maintains in Philadelphia or the 100-acre farm he owns near Harrisburg. Maybe it's the razor wire. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Why We Cry"
Maybe it HURTS, you stupid f**king boffin!

' A scientist now proposes a new theory for why crying evolved - tears can act as handicaps to show you have lowered your defenses. '

YAHOO TECH NEWS
"Apple denies assault & battery with exploding iPhones"
That Steve Jobs is like a NINJA!

' US technology giant Apple said Friday it had seen no evidence that overheating batteries had caused screens on some of its iPhone devices to explode, blaming incidents in France on "external force." '

REUTERS
"Dead AM DJ found apartment in New York"
Amazing. Most live people can't find one.

' DJ AM, the stage name of disc jockey Adam Goldstein whose music could be heard on albums by Madonna and Will Smith, was found dead in his New York apartment on Friday, police said. He was 36. '

REUTERS
"No Black Eyed Muslims at Malaysia concert, Please"
Sounds like discrimination against battered spouses!

' Muslims in Malaysia have been barred from attending a concert by U.S. hip hop band the Black Eyed Peas sponsored by Guinness which is owned by the world's biggest spirits group Diageo. '

BBC
"Moon mission 'terminates' India "
DIABOLICAL!!!

' India's space agency has abandoned its inaugural moon mission a day after scientists lost communication with the orbiting Chandrayaan-1 spacecraft. '

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BAD NEWS, BAD NEWS

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WHICH DO YOU WANT FIRST?

GOT THE BLUES? DON'T TURN ON THE NEWS!

The World Is Going To Hell In A Media Handbasket, Woven Out Of Our Own Eyeballs

There really is a lot of good news out there. OK, fair news. OK, news that doesn't TOTALLY make you want to kill yourself. Immediately. I, I just can't think of any right now.

Let's see. CNN has dead or missing and presumed dead babies, 24/7/52. MSNBC has cops, criminals, jailers and prisoners all day, ever day. Fox has the Fascist apocalypse in living white, continuously, right up until they can actually make it happen. Fingers crossed. The broadcast 'Nets struggle to keep up with all that in just a few half hours each day. But they manage.

All this fear and hate and anger and envy and gluttony and Britney and paranoia have little to do with our own lives, out here in Reality. So why do we watch it? I dunno, why do people slow down for a good long look at a, hopefully, horrible accident, after being stuck in the goddam traffic such rubbernecking causes for an hour? Why do dogs return to their vomit? Because it's free?

Tee-Vee isn't free, folks. Everything you buy, rent, watch, listen to, eat, drink, p*ss or sh*t has advertising built into it. Look before you flush next time. There's a little bit of Bill O'Reilly in all of us. Try a high colonic. And quit buying stuff "As Seen On TV"! Quit watching that swirling bowl of cancerous crap. Just QUIT it. We'll be here if you need us. Later. Our stories are on right now. Jesse's going to marry Rene, but he doesn't know she's a guy. It's OK, though, because he's a girl! But Rene doesn't know that. Can't wait for the climactic scene. Gawd I love me some porn! As long as you're up, make some popcorn!



GOOGLE NEWS
"Elderly gunman kills guard at Holocaust Museum"
They had to let this genocidal maniac out of prison to make room for potheads.

' Von Brunn has a racist, anti-Semitic Web site and wrote a book titled "Kill the Best Gentiles," alleging a Jewish "conspiracy to destroy the white gene pool." In 1983, he was convicted of attempting to kidnap members of the Federal Reserve Board and served more than six years in prison. He was arrested two years earlier outside the room where the board was meeting, carrying a revolver, knife and sawed-off shotgun. At the time, police said von Brunn wanted to take the members hostage because of high interest rates and the nation's economic difficulties. Writings attributed to von Brunn on the Internet say the Holocaust was a hoax and decry a Jewish conspiracy to "destroy the white gene pool." "At Auschwitz the 'Holocaust' myth became Reality, and Germany, cultural gem of the West, became a pariah among world nations," it says. '

AFP
"Earth-Venus smash-up possible in 3.5 billion years: study"
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! Oh, wait, 3.5 BILLION years. I thought they said 3.5 MILLION years. I guess you can walk.

' "Mercury is the trigger, and would be be the first planet to be destabilised because it has the smallest mass," explained Laskar. At some point Mercury's orbit would get into resonance with that of Jupiter, throwing the smaller orb even more out of kilter, he said. Once this happens, the so-called "angular momentum" from the much larger Jupiter would wreak havoc on the other inner planets' orbits too. "The simulations indicate that Mercury, in spite of its diminutive size, poses the greatest risk to our present order," noted University of California scientists Gregory Laughlin in a commentary, also published in Nature. '

REUTERS
"Airbus denies planning to ground A330/340 fleet"
"We're sorry for the loss of your husband on AF447, Ma'am. But we did manage to save a quarter on the part that brought the plane down. So, it's win-win, really."

' French crash investigators have said the Air France jetliner sent out 24 error messages including one suggesting that its speed sensors, known as pitot tubes, were giving inconsistent readings. But they have stressed it is too early to say whether this was linked to the cause of the crash. The sensors on the Air France plane were built by Thales which has declined to comment pending investigations. According to Airbus, the Thales sensors are an optional alternative to the sensors in the basic design of the A330, which are made by Goodrich of the United States. They are among many components on an aircraft for which airlines can choose between alternative suppliers. '

LIVE SCIENCE
"Air Writing: Next Big Thing in Cell Phones?"
I've been doing this for years. That was me next to you on the bus. Oh, no; that day I was conducting the Berliner Philharmoniker. In the air. In my head. In the air. In my head. What's the diff?

' Forget fumbling with tiny cell phone keys. A prototype of a new application allows cell phone users to write short notes in the air and send them automatically to an e-mail address. This represents just one possible step toward allowing people to naturally merge the real world with the information power of the Internet. Travelers and other mobile users could air-write notes to themselves rather than have to text on the run. "By holding the phone like a pen, you can write short messages or draw simple diagrams in the air," said Sandip Agrawal, an electrical and computer engineering student at Duke University in North Carolina. Future versions of this PhonePoint Pen app may even allow users to take a photo with their phone and write a quick note on it. Such interactivity has also emerged in the work of other research groups, such as MIT's Sixth Sense project, and may signal the new era of cyborg technologies. Applications that can piggyback on existing cell phone technology may also get an advantage. "We're trying to get past the whole idea of typing on a keyboard or using a stylus to enter information into devices," said Romit Roy Choudhury, an electrical and computer engineer at Duke who acted as Agrawal's mentor. '

US NEWS & WORLD REPORT
"Best Places to Live 2009"
Perfect! If you're looking for a place with the intellectual and cultural resources of a trailer park.

' In selecting our Best Places to Live for 2009, U.S. News took a thrift-conscious approach: We looked for affordable communities that have strong economies and plenty of fun things to do. The cities we selected are as distinct as America itself--ranging from a quaint suburb to a live-music mecca. But whether you prefer hiking through the Rocky Mountains, pulling a fish out of the Atlantic Ocean, or grilling hot dogs at a college football tailgate, here are 10 places that will fill up your daybook without emptying your wallet. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NY store owner gives would-be thief $40 and bread"
Those MUSLIMS, hanh?! They're not like US!

' Sohail, who moved to the United States from Pakistan about 20 years ago, said he was getting ready to close his store shortly after midnight on May 21 when the man in his 40s entered with a bat in his hand. Sohail said he tried to stall for a moment and then grabbed a rifle he keeps behind the counter and ordered the assailant to drop the bat. The would-be thief dropped to his knees and begged for forgiveness, Sohail said. "He started crying that he was out of work and was trying to feed his hungry family," he said. "I felt bad for him. I mean, this wasn't some kid." He said he tossed $40 to the man, who then stood up and told Sohail he was inspired by the act of mercy and wanted to become a fellow Muslim. Sohail said he led the man in a profession of Muslim faith and the two ended up shaking hands. Sohail said he went to the back of the store to get some milk to give to the man, but when he returned the man had fled. He said he called police and reported the attempted robbery, but he doesn't want to press charges if the man is ever caught. Sohail, who said he had never been the victim of a robbery attempt, said he didn't expect any accolades for what he had done. "I'm a very little man. I just did a good job," said the married father of one. "I have a good feeling in my heart. I feel very good." '

AFP
"Blonde therapy lifts spirits in crisis-hit Latvia"
You can never be too blonde or too stupid.

' Several hundred blondes marched through the Latvian capital Riga Sunday in a bid cheer up the crisis-hit Baltic nation, suffering the worst recession in the 27-member EU. Led by an orchestra, the first-ever blond parade featured women dressed in pink and white, some accompanied by lapdogs, in a charity fund-raising event that organisers hope will become an annual event. "I'm not stupid. I'm beautiful and I'll prove it," blonde participant high school student Ilona Zigure told AFP. Following the parade, blondes climbed into open-topped cars and drove to the local shopping centre to go shopping. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Oklahoma City police probe Alba link to vandalism"
JESSICA! You get down off that shark this INSTANT!!!

' Jessica Alba ... a vandal? Photos have surfaced that appear to show her defacing Oklahoma City property with posters of a great white shark, and police are investigating. Photos that apparently show Alba gluing posters and posing before the defaced billboard were posted to the site of blogger White Mike, but later removed. According to the site, the posters are designed to raise awareness of the dwindling population of great white sharks. A statement posted to the site Wednesday read: "International pressure is the only way to do it and that starts in Oklahoma, the heartland of America." '

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
"Carrie Prejean fires back after losing Miss California crown"
"They" being the International Communistic Terroristical Islamo-Homo-Techno-Sexual Alien Bankers in Area 51.

' Prejean, who was fired by Trump for failing to get clearance for extracurricular activities, claims in response that pageant head Keith Lewis actually encouraged her to pose for Playboy magazine and appear in the reality series "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!" "What's behind this, I think, is a political debate. They don't agree with the stance that I took [on California's Proposition 8].... From day one they wanted me out, and they got what they wanted." '

NY DAILY NEWS
"Sarah Palin attacks David Letterman over 'sexually-perverted' joke"
It's OK to knock up her daughters. You just can't TALK about it: Conservatardism in a NUT shell!

' The CBS funnyman joked Monday of Palin's recent New York visit that "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." But Letterman insisted on his show Wednesday night that he was referring to 18-year-old Bristol Palin, who recently gave birth to a son after roiling the presidential campaign with the revelation she was pregnant. The unwed Bristol has since become a high profile advocate for abstinence. '

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AMUSING & NOT-SO-AMUSING NEWSING

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STUPIDITY ON PARADE: CRAZY CURRENT EVENTS

SAD, SCARY, BRUTAL, HORRIFYING, UNBELIEVABLE, ABSURD & RIDICULOUS STORIES FROM AROUND THE WORLD

YOUTUBE: "MON ONCLE" JACQUES TATI
"MONSIEUR HULOT EN VELOSOLEX 45 CC"
Note that the fiend is smoking!


If You See Yourself In One Of These News Articles, God Has Your Number


REUTERS
"Film character's pipe censored by Paris Metro"
No imaginary smoking, either!

' Jacques Tati's Mr Hulot, whose pipe was as much a trademark as his hat and beige raincoat, is seen riding his Velosolex motor scooter in a poster advertising a retrospective at the Cinematheque de Paris. But the pipe has been replaced by a small colored whirligig by Metrobus, the group that manages advertising on Paris public transport, because of fears the pipe could break a law forbidding it from "direct or indirect" tobacco and alcohol advertising. '

REUTERS
"Reported sale of "Slumdog" child star probed"
Seems a bit much. It was only a small supporting role.

' Indian police in Mumbai are probing accusations that the father of a child star of the Oscar-winning film "Slumdog Millionaire" tried to sell his daughter for 200,000 pounds ($290,000). The mother of 9-year-old Rubina Ali protested after a sting operation by a British tabloid alleged her father tried to sell her. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Winfrey cancels program on Columbine anniversary"
Focus groups thought it was tacky.

' "I decided to pull the Columbine show today. After reviewing it, I thought it focused too much on the killers. Today, hold a thought for the Columbine community. This is a hard day for them," Winfrey wrote on Oprah.com and her Facebook page. A similar message appeared on her Twitter feed. '

AFP
"'Vagina Monologues' exposes divide in Kyrgyzstan"
Double-feature with "Borat"?

' The first Russian-language performance of "The Vagina Monologues" in Central Asia, held in Kyrgyzstan's capital Bishkek last week, exposed the deep cultural divides that still exist here almost two decades after the fall of Communism. Traditional practices such as bride-kidnapping have proven resilient even as a more austere Islam has taken hold in some regions, and many here feel that what little progress women have made is tenuous at best. While Islam is making inroads, Kyrgyz traditions that date back to ancient nomadic times also hold strong in the country. A large proportion of marriages in Kyrgyzstan are still the result of bride kidnapping, where a prospective suitor and his family abduct their chosen bride with or without the consent or her family. '

LIVE SCIENCE.COM
"Childbirth Painful for Neanderthal Women, Too"
Oh, boo-f**king-hoo! I'm SICK of those damned cavewomen and their endless complaining! Tell it to GEICO!

' Despite the difference in shape among the two species, the birth canals are about the same size. Scientists also think baby Neanderthals' heads were roughly the same size as modern human babies'. "We concluded that birth would have been about as difficult, but the mechanism would have been different," Weaver told LiveScience. The study, detailed in the April 21 issue of the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, could help reveal why modern human babies twist during birth. Some experts think this process developed because modern humans' brains are bigger than our ancestors', but the new findings hint otherwise. '

SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
"Physicist Stephen Hawking is seriously ill"
So, I guess he won't be the centerfold for next month's issue of "Pumping Iron," after all.

' Stephen Hawking, the British scientist responsible for some of the most groundbreaking theories about the origin of the universe, was rushed to a hospital today in Cambridge and was "seriously ill" after weeks fighting a chest infection, according to The Associated Press. Remarkably, Hawking, 67, has lived for 46 years with the debilitating and commonly fatal Lou Gehrig's disease. "Before my condition was diagnosed, I had been very bored with life," Hawking told a group of disabled Seattle students in a visit to Seattle in 1993. The only trouble with the voice synthesizer that allows him to speak, he told them, "is it gives me an American accent." '

MCCLATCHY
"Robots are narrowing the gap with humans"
Robots are already a lot smarter than Republicans. And more independent. And more humane.

' Robots are gaining on us humans. Thanks to exponential increases in computer power — which is roughly doubling every two years — robots are getting smarter, more capable, more like flesh-and-blood people. "The industry has taken much greater strides than anyone ever imagined 40 years ago," Rattner said. It's conceivable, he added, that "machines could even overtake humans in their ability to reason in the not-so-distant future.'' "We're in a slow retreat in the face of the steady advance of our mind's children,'' agreed Paul Saffo , a technology forecaster at Stanford University in Stanford, Calif. "Eventually, we're going to reach the point where everybody's going to say, 'Of course machines are smarter than we are.' '' "The truly interesting question is what happens after if we have truly intelligent robots,'' Saffo said. "If we're very lucky, they'll treat us as pets. If not, they'll treat us as food.'' '

PC WORLD
"U.S. Military Extensively Using iPod Touch"
This is what's really killing Steve Jobs. Feist doesn't like it either.

' The iPod touch specifically is being used for tasks as varied as translation, sharing data among soldiers, and even calculating ballistics. The article points out that since the iPod touch is pretty familiar to most recruits, training soldiers to use the device and new software is pretty straightforward. The soldiers can easily upload new images, data, and software without much of a learning curve. '

YAHOO TECH
"Laptops Bring Youth off the Streets"
Or, they could just join the army and get a free iPod.

' Laptops can be easily taken for granted by those who have direct access to them, but the devices are a salvation for some at-risk teenagers and young adults caught up in gang and drug-related activity in San Francisco. The lack of laptops prevents at-risk teenagers and young adults in foster homes and juvenile halls from finding decent jobs, educational resources and other services critical to improving their lives. A laptop donation program in San Francisco aims to help the teens build a promising future by providing technology resources. The nonprofit group City Youth Now donates refurbished laptops for at-risk teenagers to use. Laptops are a key element in helping the teens succeed as they prepare to graduate high school and go to college, said Brittany Heinrich, executive director of CYN. '

REUTERS
"U.S. Supreme Court to rule on animal cruelty law"
Videos not available on military iPods.

' The U.S. Supreme Court said on Monday that it would decide whether a federal law that makes it a crime to sell videos of animals being tortured or killed violates constitutional free-speech rights. The high court agreed to hear a U.S. Justice Department appeal defending the 1999 animal cruelty law after it was struck down for infringing free-speech protections. A U.S. appeals court declared the law unconstitutional and overturned the conviction of a Virginia man, Robert Stevens, who sold three videos of pit bulls fighting each other and attacking hogs and wild boars. Congress adopted the law in 1999 in an attempt to stop people from profiting by the interstate sale of depictions of unlawful torture and killing of animals. Laws in all 50 states and the District of Columbia, along with various other federal laws, already prohibit animal cruelty. Justice Department attorneys said Congress, in adopting the law, also is aimed at videos in which women in high-heeled shoes crush small animals as a type of sexual fetish, sought to stop a unique and reprehensible type of criminal conduct. They told the Supreme Court that the animal cruelty law should be upheld just like child pornography laws. The justices are expected to hear arguments in the case and then rule during their upcoming term that begins in October. '

LA TIMES
"Man beheads his horse and feeds its head to his dogs, police say"
Attorneys blame "The Godfather," plan to call Coppola to testify for the defense.

' A Riverside County man was arrested on charges of felony animal cruelty after police say he bludgeoned his horse with a sledgehammer, decapitated it with a chainsaw and fed it to his dogs. Jack Ziniuk, 64, of rural Anza called authorities Sunday morning to say his horse had been injured by dogs, was having seizures and needed to be put down, Riverside County Sheriff’s Sgt. Bill Roach said. But when officers arrived they found a headless horse. A bloody sledgehammer was submerged in a bucket of water and a chainsaw sat nearby. The animal’s head was lying in a dog run where Roach said it was serving as food for Ziniuk’s dogs. '

CHATTABOX
"Twenty-One Horses Drop Dead Before Polo Match"
Apparently, they'd all just heard from their brokers.

' The well-heeled Palm Beach spectators at Sunday’s United States Open polo championships witnessed a horrific scene right before the day’s events, when dozens of horses began stumbling and falling to the ground dead in a tumble at the South Florida polo grounds. All 21 of the dead horses came from the Venezuelan-based Lechuza Caracas team. The veterinarians on the scene and an investigative committee, don’t know the precise cause of death yet, but believe the horses perished from poisoning, either accidental or deliberate. '

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

HIRE THE HANDICAPPED: BWAWHAWHAHHAHA!!!

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THEY'RE FUN TO WATCH: JUST ASK THE PRESIDENT

YOUTUBE
"Obama Slams Retarded Children on the Jay Leno Show"
Well, it's not like they vote, is it? Not Democrat, any way.


BIZARRE, FUNNY, RUDE, WEIRD, UNBELIEVABLE, DISTASTEFUL NEWS & VIEWS OF CURRENT EVENTS

YOUTUBE
"Busty Teacher Strip Tease! Big Up Front and Very HOT!"
Is your child's teacher moonlighting as a stripper? Give her a RAISE! No, not that kind of raise, you PERV!


And In News Of Naked Women Dancing For More Money Than You'll Ever Earn With Your Clothes ON

LA TIMES
"Not bowled over by Obama's Special Olympics joke"
Only a freakin' RETARD would say somethin' like that!

' While appearing on "The Tonight Show" to tout his economic plan, Obama -- who famously rolled a gutter ball while trying to woo primary voters last year -- told Leno that he had been practicing in the White House bowling alley and recently scored an unimpressive 129. "It's like -- it was like Special Olympics or something," the president said, prompting laughter from the audience. '

YAHOO NEWS
"More women needing cash go from jobless to topless"
$300,000. When will this oppression of women end?

' For some, dancing is temporary, a way to pay for college loans or other bills. Others say they've found their niche. Dancers at the upscale Rick's Caberet clubs in New York City and Miami can make $100,000 to $300,000 a year — in cash — even with the economic downturn, club spokesman Allan Priaulx said. Priaulx said 20 to 30 women a week are applying for jobs at the New York club, double the number of a year ago. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Hardline Saudi clerics urge TV ban on women, music"
So, I guess stripping is out of the question?

' A group of Saudi clerics urged the kingdom's new information minister on Sunday to ban women from appearing on TV or in newspapers and magazines, making clear that the country's hardline religious establishment is skeptical of a new push toward moderation. In a statement, the 35 hardline clergymen also called on Abdel Aziz Khoja, who was appointed by King Abdullah on Feb. 14, to prohibit the playing of music and music shows on television. '

MCCLATCHY
"Israeli soldiers say army rabbis framed Gaza as religious war"
And in other religious sanity news.

' Rabbis affiliated with the Israeli army urged troops heading into Gaza to reclaim what they said was God-given land and "get rid of the gentiles" — effectively turning the 22-day Israeli intervention into a religious war, according to the testimony of a soldier who fought in Gaza. Literature passed out to soldiers by the army's rabbinate "had a clear message — we are the people of Israel , we came by a miracle to the land of Israel , God returned us to the land, now we need to struggle to get rid of the gentiles that are interfering with our conquest of the land," the soldier told a forum of Gaza veterans in mid-February, just weeks after the conflict ended. A transcript of the testimony given at an Israeli military academy at the Oranim college on Feb. 13 was obtained on Friday by McClatchy and also published in Haaretz , one of Israel's leading dailies. The soldier, identified as "Ram," a pseudonym to protect his identity, gave a scathing description of the atmosphere as the Israeli army went to war. "The general atmosphere among people I spoke to was . . . the lives of Palestinians are . . . let's say far, far less important from the lives of our soldiers," Ram said. The religious literature gave "the feeling of almost a religious mission," he said. '

REUTERS
"WTC developer seeks government financial aid: report"
Public financing of private greed is "in the public interest"? How 'bout just a memorial and a new, one & only green public park downtown? Would that be in the public interest, more than another mega-monument to greed and a target for terrorism? Hm? *ssh*les? Ok, not funny. *ssh*les.

' The private developer redeveloping New York's World Trade Center site, destroyed in the September 11 attacks, has asked the government for financial assistance, the Wall Street Journal reported on Saturday. Quoting people familiar with the matter, the Journal said The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, the government body that owns the site, was considering helping finance at least one of the three office towers planned in the project. "We are continuing to discuss with SPI (Silverstein Properties) how to best meet a changed market while ensuring the WTC site is rebuilt in the best public interest," a statement obtained by Reuters said. "In the meantime, the negotiations will be between the two parties, not in the press," it added. '

GOOGLE NEWS
"Mentally ill a threat in nursing homes"
The final solution for rising elder health care costs: Predator bunk-mates! BOO-YAH, Government!

' Ivory Jackson had Alzheimer's, but that wasn't what killed him. At 77, he was smashed in the face with a clock radio as he lay in his nursing home bed. Jackson's roommate — a mentally ill man nearly 30 years younger — was arrested and charged with the killing. Police found him sitting next to the nurse's station, blood on his hands, clothes and shoes. Inside their room, the ceiling was spattered with blood. Over the past several years, nursing homes have become dumping grounds for young and middle-age people with mental illness, according to Associated Press interviews and an analysis of data from all 50 states. And that has proved a prescription for violence, as Jackson's case and others across the country illustrate. Younger, stronger residents with schizophrenia, depression or bipolar disorder are living beside frail senior citizens, and sometimes taking their rage out on them. '

FOX NEWS LOCAL: KHON2-TV, HONOLULU, HI
"Couple Forced Apart By State Law "
More good news for "golden-agers." They need the beds for psycho's on Medicaid.

' A Hawaii law that governs the use of community care foster family homes is keeping a married couple apart during their golden years. Terry Kaide, 86, of Hilo has been unable to live with her 89 year old bed ridden husband Sidney the past two years. Under the law, the home her husband resides in must set aside two of its three beds for Medicaid patients. '

ADELAIDE NOW.COM
"Man brutally bashed by bikie with metal bollard at Sydney Airport"
Bikies and bollards and brawling, oh, my! And "Fosters"? That's Australian for "beer," mate.

' A 28-year-old man was bashed to death when a brawl involving up to 20 men broke out about 1.35pm (AEDT) on Sunday at terminal 3 of the domestic airport. Four men have been charged over the incident but several others fled the scene. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NJ considers ban on bare-it-all 'Brazilian' wax"
Well, what did they EXPECT when they ripped the hair off their genitals?

' New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing. The state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is moving toward a ban on genital waxing after two women reported being injured in their quest for a smooth bikini line. '

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FOTO-FUNNIES FOR THE HOLLY-JOLLY SEASON

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AND NOT-SO-FUNNIES

VIEWS OF THE NEWS TO CHASE AWAY THE BLUES

Sometimes, A Word Is Worth A Thousand Pictures. Or Not.


YAHOO NEWS
"Homeless dog tries to save dog hit by car in Chile"
"I'm Bat Dog. No relation to Rodney."




YAHOO NEWS
"In lean times, SoCal residents trade guns for food"
Guns. It's what for dinner.




OMB WATCH
"White House Says "No Surprises" in Last-Minute Rules"
Redneck rules! Guns & oil drilling in National Parks!! YEEEE-HAW!!!



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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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MONDAY MORNING BLUES NEWS

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WEIRD, FUNNY, CREEPY, ODD, RIDICULOUS TIDBITS FROM THE WORLD PRESS

YOU COULD MAKE THIS STUFF UP, BUT WHY?

If You See Your Name In The Obituaries, Call In Sick


"Cadbury Recall: Oreos, M&Ms, Snickers At Issue"
Who you callin' an Oreo, and snickerin' 'bout Eminem?

"Models on the loo: Britain's Turner Prize shortlist unveiled"
OK, loo means toilet, but what does "models" mean, in British?

"Arab TV fans gripped by saga of World War II singing spy"
Madonna-Hari?

"'666' road sign thefts bedeviling roadways"
I like the METAL PLATE AHEAD signs. I cover the A with IN.

"The Latest Star Wars Woes: Launching Fake Targets"
There's no aliens anyway, right?

"Women say NY's dollar-dance clubs have darker side"
That's where they do the lap-dances.

"GOP, Democrats battle in Pa. over voter dress code"
Republicans want women to wear a chador.

"Mexicans boo Mayan pyramids concert by Great Tenor"
But he was singing his heart out!

"Bacteria Think Ahead"
McCain should hire them to run his campaign.

"Bailout legislation boosts Texans' mental health coverage"
OK then, it's worth it, I guess.

"Study: Using fan on sleeping baby reduces risk of SIDS"
Apparently, they were crushed by the fans. Put them NEXT to the baby, stoopits!

"New Flying Dinosaur Drone to Resemble Pterodactyl"
New unmanned tanks will resemble T-Rex.

"DNA fingerprinting could reveal your surname"
And your shoe size.

"Speculation laptop use caused Qantas flight plunge - News - Travel"
Must be the new Air-Alqaida laptops.

"German doing well after 1st double arm transplant"
On the other hand, now he has another hand.

"NYC National Debt Clock runs out of digits"
Not to worry. We'll make more zero's.

"New Research Uses Male Testicle Cells to Create Stem Cells"
OUCH!

"Scientists: Virginia shark's pup a 'virgin birth' "
Jesus jumps the shark.

"Bridge directors vote for net to deter suicides"
The giant stewpot lost.

"Visit China's Forbidden City -- as a virtual eunuch"
Not worth the price of admission.

"Freegans and FreeCycling Gain Fans"
Formerly known as cheap f*cking schnorrers.

"German village remembers Prussia's Scottish general"
Actually, he was just a Prussian on Scotch.

"Kenya's elephants send text messages to rangers"
Rude ones, too.

"Manatee dies before reaching rehab site"
Attaboy.

"Czech author Kundera accused of informing on spy"
In his defense, it was totally kewl back then.

"Internet Searching May Boost Brain"
And emailing is good for the pancreas, I've heard.

"US authorities shutter worldwide spam operation"
What do the Feds have against canned mystery meat?

"Mafia wants author dead by Christmas"
Who knew they could read?

"Mechanics named in Spanish air crash probe"
Over here, we just do a regular christening. Cheaper, safer, easier.

"Washington Takes Aim at College Endowments"
Nothing the Republicans hate worse than a bunch of money going to waste, by somebody else.

"Plane engines found with damaged, missing parts"
Before or after a crash?

"Search Mounted for Boy Believed Kidnapped by Drug Gang"
Weird story.

"Jocelyn Kirsch gets five-year sentence"
Ironically, nobody knows who the f*ck she is. And she got busted for identity-theft.

"Kidnapped Boy's Grandfather Arrested, Missing Man With Alleged Ties To Mexican Drug Traffickers Found In S. California; Amber Alert For Missing 6-Yr.-Old"
It just keeps getting weirder.

"Lily Tomlin wants Dallas elephant relocated"
Evidently, Ernestine's in charge of elephants now.

"Jesus Gastelum"
Ah, Jesus did it!

"Police: Boy safe after abduction by drug dealers"
This ain't over. Bet Gramps did it, for the money. Coen Brothers, get the option, quick!

"Police arrest Mich. man for car wash vacuum sex"
Hey, this could happen to anybody. Right? Right?

"Farrakhan: A 'new beginning' for Nation of Islam"
They ran out of hate. They're making more.
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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

WACKY WEIRD WILD & WORRISOME NEWS

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MOSTLY FUNNY, THOUGH. DID I MENTION IT'S FUN? SO FUN!

HEY KIDS, IT'S TIME TO PLAY "THERE'S BIGGER A-HOLES THAN ME"!

Well, Bigger A-Holes Than YOU, Anyways! Heh-Heh!


FOODCONSUMER.ORG
"Cannot afford raising children? Send them to Nebraska!"
OUCH! Nebraska! Seems a little HARSH! Don't they like do stuff to ya with corn out there? WATCH OUT FOR THE CORN, GIRL!!!

' Nebraska just passed the law in July after years of lawmakers' attempts making it the last state that allows parents to legally abandon their children in hospital or police department without prosecution. Gary Staton dropped five boys and four girls ages 20 months to 17 years at Creighton University Medical Center's Emergency room and then walked away. The man still keeps his tenth child, an 18 year-old daughter, according to the Associated Press. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Japan's online social scene isn't so social "
In Saiba-Spasu, No One Can Hear You Bow

' Welcome to Japan's online social scene, where you're unlikely to meet anyone you don't know already. The early promises of a new, open social frontier, akin to the identity-centric world of Facebook and MySpace in the U.S., have been replaced by a realm where people stay safely within their circles of friends and few reveal themselves to strangers. "There is the sense that, `My face just isn't that interesting, or I'm not attractive — there is nothing special about me to show people,'" says Tetsuya Shibui, a writer who has long followed the Internet in Japan. Indeed, the Japanese virtual world has turned out just like the real one. People rarely give their first names to those they don't know well. Spontaneous exchanges are uncommon even on the tightly packed trains and streets of Tokyo. TV news shows often blur the faces of those caught in background footage and photos to protect their privacy. '

REUTERS
"Lamb-eating sea eagles upset Scottish farmers"
And It's Ruining Their Love-Lives

' Sheep farmers in remote northwest Scotland are furious about a sea eagle reintroduction programme, saying the huge birds of prey are damaging their livelihoods by killing 200 lambs in the past year. Fraser said the sea eagles -- which have a wing span of eight feet (2.4 metres) and can weigh eight kgs (18 lbs) when fully grown -- will snatch even year-old sheep. Reynolds said that last week an RSPB team in Scotland examined a sea eagle nest on Gairloch and found their diet consisted largely of Fulmars, a sea bird, and quite large lamb bones, suggesting they were scavenged. '

AFP
"Monster pig traps Aussie woman in home"
Women Who Love Pigs Too Much.

' ""It's a beautiful male pig but he's just so big and so pushy," she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It started getting very pushy, started pushing me around, so I started to get a bit frightened, until the stage that it started knocking on my door at four o'clock in the morning, actually head-butting my door," she said. "This morning, I wanted to go to my toilet, which is outside. I opened up the door and the pig pushed me that hard, it pushed me back into my room, where I fell over," she said. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Woman named Bacon wins Idaho hog-calling title"
It Doesn't Seem Fair, Somehow.

' Bacon won the crown over as she started her hog call with a few loud snorts and a long, drawn-out "sooey." She has raised several champion pigs for 4-H contests. Bacon says she calls pigs every morning and night with her 9-year-old daughter, Jacey. The northern Idaho woman took first place Saturday in the competition at the Nez Perce County Fair. '

YAHOO NEWS
"McCartney's ex donating $1M in vegan food to Bronx"
BPFTHFPBTHBPTHP!!!! Yo, I Got Ya Veggie-F*ckin'-Boigahs Right Heah, Bitch! Veggie DIS!

' Paul McCartney's ex-wife is donating $1 million worth of soy hamburgers, soy hot dogs and soy chicken cutlets to one of the poorest neighborhoods in the Bronx. Heather Mills is set to announce the donation just before the Hunts Point Back to School Fair kicks off Saturday afternoon. The vegan animal rights campaigner is an honorary chairwoman of the nonprofit that organizes the event. She tells the New York Post that she wants to make sure children in the neighborhood "have as many nutritional advantages as anyone else." '

REUTERS
"Italian pet owners face fines on dog mess tests "
CSI My Poopy

' Dog excrement used to be merely a nuisance to pedestrians, now it could be used as evidence against pet owners and may lead to fines. A town in northern Italy plans to create a DNA database of all registered dogs and then test droppings left on pavements and in parks to identify the culprit and fine owners who fail to clean up after their pets, La Stampa daily reported Tuesday. '

AFP
"Digital evolution: early fish had primitive fingers, says study"
So That Freakin' Fish WAS Givin' Me The Finger!!!

' Scientists have traced the origin of fingers and toes to fish-like creatures that roamed the seas 380 million years ago, according to a new study. "What we have shown is that the hand and the foot emerge from pre-existing bits of the fin skeleton that were just reshaped, rather than being entirely new bits that were bolted onto the existing fin skeleton," said co-author Per Ahlberg, a researcher at Uppsala University in Sweden. But recent research in genetics had suggested that rudimentary digits might have emerged further back along the evolutionary tree than once suspected. The image shows stubby bones at the end of the fin skeleton clearly arrayed like four fingers, called distal radials. There are no joints, and the bones are quite short, but there could be no doubt as to what they were. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Stressed plants produce an aspirin-like chemical"
I KNEW Those Pakalolo's Were Talking About Me!

' Aspirin is among the most popular remedies used by people. Turns out some plants like it, too. Researchers at the National Center for Atmospheric Research were surprised to discover that stressed plants produce an aspirin-like chemical that can be detected in the air above the plants. The chemical may be a sort of immune response that helps protect the plants, the scientists speculated. "Our measurements show that significant amounts of the chemical can be detected in the atmosphere as plants respond to drought, unseasonable temperatures or other stresses." While researchers had known that plants in the laboratory produce a form of aspirin known as methyl salicylate, they had never looked for it in the forest. But when they set up measuring devices in a walnut grove near Davis, Calif., to monitor plant emissions that can affect pollution, they discovered measurable amounts of methyl salicylate. Previous studies have shown that plants being eaten by animals also produce chemicals that can be sensed by other plants nearby. In addition to having an immune-like function, the chemical may be a means for plants to communicate to neighboring plants, warning them of the threat. "These findings show tangible proof that plant-to-plant communication occurs on the ecosystem level," says NCAR scientist Alex Guenther, a co-author of the study. "It appears that plants have the ability to communicate through the atmosphere." '

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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