NEWS BOTH WEIRD & FUNNY

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SURREALISM IN EVERYDAY LIFE

YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP

Unless You're God. Or Maybe The Devil. Or Rupert Murdoch.

YOUTUBE
CHINESE TAKE OLYMPIC GOLD IN DECAPITATION


SKY NEWS
"Time To Study Embarrassment"
How embarrassingly unpatriotic.

' As part of the study, participants could be asked to carry out tasks such as sucking on a baby's milk bottle in front of their friends, or singing their national anthem. '

FOX NEWS
"Fossilized Pregnant Turtle Found 75 Million Years After Death"
Who knew it was lost? Darla Zelenitsky, that's who!

' "Although it is relatively rare to find the eggs and babies of extinct animals, it is even rarer to find them inside the body of the mother," said researcher Darla Zelenitsky, a geoscientist at the University of Calgary in Alberta, who was also involved in the first discovery of a dinosaur with eggs inside its body. '

SKY NEWS
"Face Transplants Showing Success"
There may even be hope for you! If we can find a willing donor. And a BEAR...

' There is new hope for people suffering from severe facial disfigurement after doctors performed a successful face transplant on a Chinese man. Face transplant patient Li Guoxing has showing promising results. The 30-year-old man suffered horrific injuries when he was attacked by a bear in 2004. '

UPI
"Hoax Bigfoot was filled with road kill"
I thought something about this story smelled funny. Still, nothing beats a good slaughterhouse-leftover joke. Hyuk-hyuk.

' Rick Dyer and Matt Whitton, a former police officer who was fired once the hoax was exposed, said the Bigfoot scam was a joke and they never intended their story to become as sensational as it did, WSBTV, Atlanta, reported Thursday. "All this was a big joke. It got into something way bigger than it was supposed to be," Whitton said. The men said the item they had claimed was Bigfoot's corpse was actually nothing more than a costume filled with opossum road kill and leftovers from a slaughterhouse. However, Whitton said he disagrees with Clayton County Police Department Chief Jeff Turner's decision to fire him on the grounds that the hoax affects his credibility. "I don't believe it does affect my credibility at all because this is Bigfoot," said Whitton. "It would be one thing if I came out and said that I had something else that is tangible or real, but right now, as far as I'm concerned, there is no real Bigfoot." '

USA TODAY
"Two improved invisibility devices show themselves"
They're still showing, hunh? Sounds like they have a little more "improving" to do.

' "Being able to bend light in unusual ways is important for applications that almost resemble magic," physicist Ulf Leonhardt of Scotland's University of St. Andrews, who was not part of the prototype teams, writes in an e-mail. "There still is a long way to go, but the Berkeley team made an important step." The field has been a hot area of study. Invisibility devices up till now have involved metamaterial devices that were "invisible" only from one angle or to microwaves but not visible light. Applications for invisibility devices extend beyond shielding oneself for an escape from a wizards academy. Shielding lenses from unwanted light frequencies would improve camera function, for example, and antennas invisible to noisy electromagnetic waves would fine-tune cellphone and radio communications. And unlike Harry Potter's cloak, these fragile metamaterials would be blown away by the gentlest breeze. "Developing a way to manufacture these materials on a large scale will also be a challenge," the researchers said in a university statement. '

CNN
"Athlete says sports steroids changed him from woman to man"
Evidently, even woman's shot-putting takes balls.

' Heidi Krieger, the 1986 European women's shot-put champion, became Andreas Krieger after a sex-change operation in 1997. He says he had been fed so many steroids by his coaches without his knowledge that physical and emotional problems began. The young woman's physique changed drastically, as did her feelings. "I felt much more attracted to women and just felt like a man. But I knew I was not lesbian," Krieger told CNN. Her coaches said they were giving her vitamin pills, but they were actually feeding her Oral-Turinabol anabolic steroids. '

REUTERS
"Jerry Lewis detained for carrying gun at airport"
Well, he can't have been SERIOUS! He was going to a stand-up gig, though. Maybe he just wanted to be able to say he KILLED.

' Comedian Jerry Lewis was detained by police in Las Vegas late last week when airport screeners found an unloaded gun in his baggage, authorities said on Tuesday. Lewis, 82, had a small .22-caliber handgun when he arrived at the security screening area on Friday at Las Vegas McCarran International Airport, said Officer Ramon Denby, a spokesman for the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. The comedian was briefly detained and the gun was seized. Lewis was cited for carrying a concealed weapon without a permit, Denby said. Lewis, half of a wildly successful comedic duo with singer Dean Martin in the 1950s, was traveling to Mount Pleasant, Michigan, to perform a one-man show, a source close to the comedian said. '

SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
"Foot that washed up on beach is human"
Nothing human disgusts me. But THIS!!! Talk about burying the lede! If the other foot wasn't human, WHAT WAS IT???

' A black athletic shoe found Friday on a Clallam County beach contained human remains, authorities said Monday. Unlike the Clallam County shoe, which was sent to the King County medical examiner on Monday morning, the five found in Canada were primarily white athletic shoes. Since last August, four men's feet and a woman's right foot were found on Canadian beaches. The RCMP said last month that none of the feet was forcibly severed. Police discovered that two of the feet belonged to the same man and determined that a sixth foot found earlier this year was not human. Authorities said a woman walking along Jim Creek found the foot Friday and reported it to the Clallam County Sheriff's Office early Saturday. "She could see sand in the shoe and when she removed the sock, she could tell there were bones and probably decomposing flesh," Peregrin said. '

AFP
"Knife-wielding man beheads fellow passenger on Canadian bus"
This is why I never use headphones.

' A passenger travelling across Canada's Western plains on a bus stabbed, gutted and decapitated a man seated next to him, and then taunted police with the head, a witness told media Thursday. The victim, believed to be 18 years old, had been sleeping with headphones on his ears before he was repeatedly stabbed in the chest by the man with a "big Rambo knife," witness Garnet Caton told public broadcaster CBC. The other 34 passengers and the driver were jolted by "blood-curdling screams" and fled, bracing the door on their way out to trap the assailant inside the bus, he said. '

HONOLULU ADVERTISER
"Man beheads girlfriend in Greece, is caught after chase"
Oh, never mind I thought it said "grease." That would have been REALLY disgusting.

' Neighbors said that, following a heated argument, Arvanitis beheaded his girlfriend's dog with a butcher knife, then killed and beheaded the woman. The victim, 25-year-old Adamantia Karkali, worked as a teacher at a local village, Angelos Roussos, the mayor of Thira, the island's main town, was quoted as saying by TV station Antenna. Angelos Roussos and Chrysanthos Roussos are not related. Initially, Arvanitis roamed the village of Vourvoulos exhibiting Karkali's head, neighbors said. Townspeople said they locked themselves in their homes and called the police. When a policeman tried to handcuff him, the suspect knifed the officer and flung the woman's head into a patrol car, Roussos said. The policeman was only slightly injured, police said. Arvanitis then made off in a second patrol car and ran over the motorcycle before he was caught, Roussos said. One of the two doctors suffered multiple fractures, Roussos said. The other was uninjured. '

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