BATMAN ATTACKED BY CLOWN
CAPED CRUSADER STRIKES OUT AT MOM, FORMER CIRCUS PERFORMER
SUPERHERO ACTOR CHRISTIAN BALE CHARGED WITH ASSAULTING MUM
Wow, Talk About Yer Real Dark Knight Of The Soul!
The tabs already have their crack squads of media psychoanalysts rolling on this one, folks, not to worry. Many people do not realize that all paparazzi must be licensed to practise psychology, a rigorous discipline involving up to twelve weeks in a junior college, either in the parking lot or the cafeteria, plus hours of watching Oprah.
Paparazzi arrived too late to avert the internecine squabble involving alleged Welshmen and women at large in a fashionable Cheapside hotel here in the British capitol. Ap-Bale's publicists, representing him in chokey, stipulated that it was all a misunderstanding, and that Christian's poor old Mum would never grass on him, even if he did wollop her, which they categorically denied he had done.
Psychopaparazzi diagnosed Bale as having mistaken his real Mum for his step-Mum, feminist superhero Gloria "The Bunny" Steinem. Ms. Magazine had no comment, for a really long time now.
The press have theorized that the incident was a publicity stunt for the new film, "Batman's Mummy," which has so far only made box office history through some fluke in the viewing habits of six hundred thousand people world-wide. "Desperation," they called it. Cheeky, we call it. So, remember kids, if you need publicity for any reason or no reason at all, smack your mother, hard.
In a related development, Adam Sandler was caught kicking the stuffing out of his mother, after the failure of his latest comedy. His press agent could not be reached for comment, as she has not been paid in months, she said. Paparazzi were able to offer assistance, and Sandler is now undergoing treatment for an Oedipal complex.
NY DAILY NEWS
"Christian Bale's alleged blow-up came after mom bad-mouthed his wife"
' Bale's mother, Jenny, 61, a former circus clown, and sister, Sharon, 40, who live in the London suburbs, filed the police complaint against the actor on Monday. The mother and sister claimed Bale, the stepson of feminist icon Gloria Steinem, assaulted them Sunday night in a suite at the posh Dorchester Hotel near London's Hyde Park. '
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