MICHAEL JACKSON IS NOT DEAD
"KING OF POP" IS ALIVE & WELL & RECOVERING FROM REANIMATION
BEVERLY HILLS PLASTIC SURGEON SAVES JACKO'S LIFE
Jackson's Face, Organs Transplanted To Farrah Fawcett's Body
Noted Southern California cosmetic surgeon Hartun "Tooney" Hartoonian, PD, today announced the reanimation of formerly dead pop star Michael Jackson, formerly of the Jackson Family, formerly of the big time. "Well, you wanted to know where all his money has gone: Here it is!" the doctor announced at 5pm Friday local time at the Hotel Wilshire Beverly where he has engaged a suite in the name of King O. Pop, flummuxing all the paparazzi. "I've got the whole bloody Beatles' catalogue, now!"
"Michael wanted to live forever as a white woman. He was just waiting for the right white woman. Farrah Fawcett's untimely death was a lucky break for Michael, as her body was still in good condition, thanks to regular treatments by me with monkey gland extracts (though her face had seen better days after a prolonged bout of cancer and insufficient income for plastic surgery in over twenty years). Farrah was just what he was looking for! Her family will receive a large cash donation, though not as much as Michael might have paid to rape their little boys. Michael has asked me to solicit donations of new little boys, as he is now anatomically a woman. More or less. And still very, very rich."
"His, er, her face will require some additional work, which we hope the Obama Plan will pay for. Otherwise, he will have to live with it. I mean, it wasn't a perfect match, I admit. But Mr. Jackson is down to his last hundred million, and I can't be bothered if the government is not going to pick up the slack."
Ms. Fawcett's remains will be interred in a bucket on the Neverland Ranch by Jermaine & Tito Jackson, who have taken control of the Jackson estate. They have also announced plans for a new video where they rip off their sister Janet's clothing at the Superbowl. Ms. Jackson was unavailable for comment at press time. Her plastic surgeon was out of town.
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