AMUSING NEWS FOR MOMS

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HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE SILLY OLD WORLD

PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND THEY SPELL
"GRB@FLKH-NMIY/TD{S*"

YOUTUBE
"moms guilt trip sep2008"
OY VEY!!! You BETTER f**kin' CALL tomorrow!!!


Just When You Think The World Is Beginning To Make Sense, A Republican Speaks Up...

NEWS FLASH: Don't forget to call your Mom tomorrow! The guilt-trip if you don't would not be sustainable. You Have Been Warned! Look, there's even some stuff you can talk to her about, right here:


AFP
"Murdoch leads charge to get readers to pay online"
Now he wants us to PAY for his bullsh*t!

' The much-villified Australian-born media tycoon is preparing to battle against the practice many hold largely responsible for newspapers' current plight -- the "original sin" of giving away their content for free online. The 78-year-old Murdoch announced this week that the days of free are over. He said he planned to begin charging readers of the websites of News Corp. newspapers "within the next 12 months," testing the scheme "first on some of our stronger ones. Edmonds noted that a number of US newspapers, including The New York Times with its failed "Times Select" payment scheme, had experimented with charging readers. "The proposition of putting the New York Post or The Times of London behind a pay wall -- it's not immediately clear to me why that would go over better with readers than pay online attempts in the past," Edmonds said. "Quite a few United States papers experimented with that at least for a while and typically found their traffic fell through the floor and therefore weren't getting much ad revenue. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Accounting tricks boost bank profits"
In the magical world of banking, losses are now gains! So FUN!!!

' Earnings at several banks also benefited, counterintuitively, because the value of the banks' own debt was reduced to reflect a decline in the market value of that debt. In accounting-speak, a "credit-value adjustment" allows the banks to book a gain. The logic is that they could buy back the debt for less cash than they received when they issued the debt, so they get to claim a benefit, which many analysts say is illusory. Say a bank had issued debt at 100 cents on the dollar, and it now trades at 60 cents on the dollar. The bank can mark down the value of the debt on their books to 60 cents on the dollar, and take a gain on the 40-cent difference. For Citigroup, that debt adjustment totaled $2.5 billion, which helped narrow its losses for the quarter. The New York-based bank posted a first-quarter loss of $966 million, smaller than analysts expected. '

LA TIMES
"U.S. global warming rules won't change to help polar bears"
Ursophobe Stephen Coldbear swaying Obama?

' The Interior Department on Friday let stand a Bush administration policy barring the federal government from using the precarious state of the U.S. polar bear population as a reason to crack down on global warming, upsetting environmentalists and cheering oil and gas companies. The decision means the government cannot use the Endangered Species Act to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, though Interior Secretary Ken Salazar explicitly has blamed those emissions for the habitat erosion that last year landed the polar bear on the list of threatened species. '

MCCLATCHY
"Interior nominee EchoHawk pledges to work for Indian country"
Kewlest name for a Cabinet Secretary, ever.

' Former Idaho Attorney General Larry EchoHawk pledged Thursday to focus on economic development, education and law enforcement if the Senate confirms him as the assistant interior secretary in charge of the Bureau of Indian Affairs. EchoHawk, a member of the Pawnee tribe, told the Senate Indian Affairs Committee that he's seen firsthand the effects of poverty on Indian reservations. As a former prosecutor, EchoHawk said, he also is well aware of the effects of crime on reservation communities. '

YAHOO NEWS
"On May 5, Mexican dominance irks other Latinos"
Cinco de PUTO, cabron!

' With mariachis, tequila and parades, Cinco De Mayo will be celebrated this week in parties across the nation, kicking off a commemoration of Mexican heritage in the United States as a pseudo-holiday that has been adopted by the general population. But for Dagoberto Reyes, a Salvadorian immigrant living in Los Angeles, May 5 is more a reminder of the dominance Mexican culture has in a country that is home to immigrants from many Latin American countries. His prime example: Los Angeles-area public schools. "Our kids go to this school system, and the school system is more preoccupied with Mexico's history, and not the rest of Latin America's, much less El Salvador's," said Reyes, director of Casa de la Cultura, a Salvadorian community center. "They came back celebrating Cinco De Mayo. That holiday means nothing to us." '

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?"
"Historic highs." Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

' "We are actually talking about historic highs when it comes to public support of taxing and regulating marijuana for adult consumption," says Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). But, he adds, "the most difficult task is how you convert public sentiment into public policy." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Just call her 'Dr. Dolly': Parton receives Ph.D."
Doctor of Divinity? Dentistry? Dolliography?

' Award-winning entertainer, businesswoman and education advocate Dolly Parton has a new title. "Just think, I am Dr. Dolly!" she said Friday after receiving an honorary doctorate of humane and musical letters from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Always joking about her buxom figure, she added, "So when people say something about 'Double-D,' they will be thinking of something entirely different." '

AFP
"Polanksi won't return for US court date: lawyers"
He may be a perv, but he's not STUPID!

' Fugitive director Roman Polanski will not return to the United States for a hearing this week where his lawyers will seek to quash a decades-old sex case against him, court documents showed. Oscar-winner Polanski, famed for films such as "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown," fled the United States in 1978 before being sentenced for his guilty plea on a charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old girl. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Peter Espinoza said in February he may consider Polanski's case at this Thursday's hearing but only if the director returned from France, where he now lives. Polanski's legal team says the film-maker's conviction should be tossed on the grounds of misconduct, claiming the late judge who heard his case in the 1970s had improperly colluded with prosecutors. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Double hand transplant patient recovering well"
"Now where did I put that honey-do list?"

' Valarie Kepner was so excited at learning last fall that doctors might be able give her husband new hands that she called the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center without telling him first. Jeff Kepner, 57, had lost his hands and feet a decade ago to sepsis that developed from a strep infection. On Monday, he became the first person to undergo a double hand transplant in the United States and the second person to undergo a hand transplant through the hospital's new hand transplant program. '

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SAD, SICK & SILLY NEWS

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UPDATES ON BREAKING NEW STORIES, NO REALLY

YOUTUBE: CELEBTV
"Topless Pics of Miss California Carrie Prejean Surface"
HOTCHA! CHRISTIAN POONTANG!



WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE PATHETIC, THE INSANE AND THE JUST PLAIN STOOOOPIT PEOPLE OUT THERE

You Know, In Case You Don't Know Anybody Like This...

Runaway battle tanks, six-gun-totin' kiddies, cock-fightin' cops, junk-food for babies... Nah, we don't need a national mental health care plan. Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Coo-coo! Time for our medication!

REUTERS
"More Americans taking drugs for mental illness"
And about time, too.
On the other hand...

' "What we generally find is there has been an increase in access to care for all populations," said Sherry Glied of Columbia University in New York, whose study appears in the journal Health Affairs. "Mental health has become much more a part of mainstream medical care," Glied said in a telephone interview. In 2006, they said 16 percent of adults 65 and older had some form of mental health diagnosis.The study found the number of children diagnosed and treated for mental health conditions by their primary care doctor doubled between 1996 and 2006.
One worrisome finding, Glied said, was that there has been little progress in access to care among people with more serious mental illness. They found treatment for older adults with mental limitations who need help dressing, eating, or bathing fell between 1996 and 2006. About 7 percent of Americans with serious mental illness wind up in jail or prison every year, the researchers said. "New policies are desperately needed to reduce the flow of people whose primary problem is a mental disorder into the criminal justice system," wrote Glied and colleague Richard Frank of Harvard Medical School. While the study shows expanded mental health coverage for people with insurance, especially for those covered in government health plans, they said the ongoing recession and swelling ranks of the uninsured will likely mean less mental health coverage for many Americans in the near future. '

CQ POLITICS
"Insurance Lobby Outlines a Strategic Retreat"
FUTURE TRAFFIC STOPS: "License, registration, car insurance and health insurance, Ma'am? Ma'am, your health insurance card is not current. I'n citing you for operating a human body without mandatory no-fault health insurance, which is required by the State of ____________________________________. Y'all have a nice day, Ma'am."

' Ignagni has previously proposed guaranteeing that people who want to buy insurance can get it, and no longer charging higher or lower rates depending on health status -- a change from current industry practices. In return, the industry has asked for a government mandate that people buy insurance. '

REUTERS
"Some baby foods worse than junk food: survey"
I been livin' on 'em fer years. Makes me sh*t like a baby!

' The CFC survey found that 100g of Farley's Original Rusks, made by Heinz, contained 29g of sugar, more than that contained in the same weight of some chocolate digestive biscuits. Heinz Toddler's Own Mini Cheese Biscuits contained 7.3g of saturated fat per 100g, more than the 6.7g in an equal weight piece of a McDonald's quarter pounder burger with cheese. Heinz defended its Farley's rusks as an "ideal weaning food for babies from around four months." "Farley's Rusks have been enjoyed by generations of babies, and some adults too, for 120 years," it said in a statement. "Enriched with vitamins and minerals, the unique Farley's Rusk recipe has remained virtually unchanged." '

AFP
"Bank robber, 13, could get 21 years in US jail"
Defining "at-risk youth," and then victimizing one. Shame on the judge.

' A judge in the juvenile court, noting the premeditation and the "extremely aggressive" manner in which Denote Moore, 13, pointed an unloaded handgun at several bank tellers last month, ordered his case be moved to adult court. The teen told police he had run away from home a month earlier and was stealing to get money for "clothing and stuff." The judge, noting Moore was on probation and failed to comply with counseling and missed several appointments with his probation officer, found the boy to be a poor candidate to work with officials further. An estimated 200,000 juveniles are tried, sentenced or incarcerated as adults every year in the United States, according to the Campaign for Youth Justice. An average of 7,500 juveniles are incarcerated in adult jails at any given time and 40 states allow youths charged as adults to be held in adult jails while they wait for their case to be heard. '

HONOLULU ADVERTISER
"Former police officer gets 150-day term"
But this corrupt, dog-killing cop deserves a break?

' Former Honolulu police officer Glenn Miram was sentenced yesterday to 150 days in federal prison — to be served on 50 consecutive weekends — for his role in helping an illegal cockfighting operation avoid police raids. Miram was motivated by a "misguided dislike of his supervisor" in HPD's gambling detail, according to Nakakuni. "What he did was wrong and a crime," the prosecutor said. "It's quite sad," she continued. "I wish he had handled it in a different way." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Georgia says it halts army mutiny to disrupt NATO"
Move along, move along. Nothing to see here. Just a battalion of tanks in revolt.

' Details of what officials described as a daylong standoff at a tank battalion headquarters near the capital were shrouded in uncertainty. The reported mutiny deepened roiling political tension in a nation at the heart of persistent discord between Moscow and the West. In a televised address, Saakashvili said the mutiny was an isolated case and the situation nationwide was under control. '

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HIRE THE HANDICAPPED: BWAWHAWHAHHAHA!!!

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THEY'RE FUN TO WATCH: JUST ASK THE PRESIDENT

YOUTUBE
"Obama Slams Retarded Children on the Jay Leno Show"
Well, it's not like they vote, is it? Not Democrat, any way.


BIZARRE, FUNNY, RUDE, WEIRD, UNBELIEVABLE, DISTASTEFUL NEWS & VIEWS OF CURRENT EVENTS

YOUTUBE
"Busty Teacher Strip Tease! Big Up Front and Very HOT!"
Is your child's teacher moonlighting as a stripper? Give her a RAISE! No, not that kind of raise, you PERV!


And In News Of Naked Women Dancing For More Money Than You'll Ever Earn With Your Clothes ON

LA TIMES
"Not bowled over by Obama's Special Olympics joke"
Only a freakin' RETARD would say somethin' like that!

' While appearing on "The Tonight Show" to tout his economic plan, Obama -- who famously rolled a gutter ball while trying to woo primary voters last year -- told Leno that he had been practicing in the White House bowling alley and recently scored an unimpressive 129. "It's like -- it was like Special Olympics or something," the president said, prompting laughter from the audience. '

YAHOO NEWS
"More women needing cash go from jobless to topless"
$300,000. When will this oppression of women end?

' For some, dancing is temporary, a way to pay for college loans or other bills. Others say they've found their niche. Dancers at the upscale Rick's Caberet clubs in New York City and Miami can make $100,000 to $300,000 a year — in cash — even with the economic downturn, club spokesman Allan Priaulx said. Priaulx said 20 to 30 women a week are applying for jobs at the New York club, double the number of a year ago. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Hardline Saudi clerics urge TV ban on women, music"
So, I guess stripping is out of the question?

' A group of Saudi clerics urged the kingdom's new information minister on Sunday to ban women from appearing on TV or in newspapers and magazines, making clear that the country's hardline religious establishment is skeptical of a new push toward moderation. In a statement, the 35 hardline clergymen also called on Abdel Aziz Khoja, who was appointed by King Abdullah on Feb. 14, to prohibit the playing of music and music shows on television. '

MCCLATCHY
"Israeli soldiers say army rabbis framed Gaza as religious war"
And in other religious sanity news.

' Rabbis affiliated with the Israeli army urged troops heading into Gaza to reclaim what they said was God-given land and "get rid of the gentiles" — effectively turning the 22-day Israeli intervention into a religious war, according to the testimony of a soldier who fought in Gaza. Literature passed out to soldiers by the army's rabbinate "had a clear message — we are the people of Israel , we came by a miracle to the land of Israel , God returned us to the land, now we need to struggle to get rid of the gentiles that are interfering with our conquest of the land," the soldier told a forum of Gaza veterans in mid-February, just weeks after the conflict ended. A transcript of the testimony given at an Israeli military academy at the Oranim college on Feb. 13 was obtained on Friday by McClatchy and also published in Haaretz , one of Israel's leading dailies. The soldier, identified as "Ram," a pseudonym to protect his identity, gave a scathing description of the atmosphere as the Israeli army went to war. "The general atmosphere among people I spoke to was . . . the lives of Palestinians are . . . let's say far, far less important from the lives of our soldiers," Ram said. The religious literature gave "the feeling of almost a religious mission," he said. '

REUTERS
"WTC developer seeks government financial aid: report"
Public financing of private greed is "in the public interest"? How 'bout just a memorial and a new, one & only green public park downtown? Would that be in the public interest, more than another mega-monument to greed and a target for terrorism? Hm? *ssh*les? Ok, not funny. *ssh*les.

' The private developer redeveloping New York's World Trade Center site, destroyed in the September 11 attacks, has asked the government for financial assistance, the Wall Street Journal reported on Saturday. Quoting people familiar with the matter, the Journal said The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, the government body that owns the site, was considering helping finance at least one of the three office towers planned in the project. "We are continuing to discuss with SPI (Silverstein Properties) how to best meet a changed market while ensuring the WTC site is rebuilt in the best public interest," a statement obtained by Reuters said. "In the meantime, the negotiations will be between the two parties, not in the press," it added. '

GOOGLE NEWS
"Mentally ill a threat in nursing homes"
The final solution for rising elder health care costs: Predator bunk-mates! BOO-YAH, Government!

' Ivory Jackson had Alzheimer's, but that wasn't what killed him. At 77, he was smashed in the face with a clock radio as he lay in his nursing home bed. Jackson's roommate — a mentally ill man nearly 30 years younger — was arrested and charged with the killing. Police found him sitting next to the nurse's station, blood on his hands, clothes and shoes. Inside their room, the ceiling was spattered with blood. Over the past several years, nursing homes have become dumping grounds for young and middle-age people with mental illness, according to Associated Press interviews and an analysis of data from all 50 states. And that has proved a prescription for violence, as Jackson's case and others across the country illustrate. Younger, stronger residents with schizophrenia, depression or bipolar disorder are living beside frail senior citizens, and sometimes taking their rage out on them. '

FOX NEWS LOCAL: KHON2-TV, HONOLULU, HI
"Couple Forced Apart By State Law "
More good news for "golden-agers." They need the beds for psycho's on Medicaid.

' A Hawaii law that governs the use of community care foster family homes is keeping a married couple apart during their golden years. Terry Kaide, 86, of Hilo has been unable to live with her 89 year old bed ridden husband Sidney the past two years. Under the law, the home her husband resides in must set aside two of its three beds for Medicaid patients. '

ADELAIDE NOW.COM
"Man brutally bashed by bikie with metal bollard at Sydney Airport"
Bikies and bollards and brawling, oh, my! And "Fosters"? That's Australian for "beer," mate.

' A 28-year-old man was bashed to death when a brawl involving up to 20 men broke out about 1.35pm (AEDT) on Sunday at terminal 3 of the domestic airport. Four men have been charged over the incident but several others fled the scene. '

YAHOO NEWS
"NJ considers ban on bare-it-all 'Brazilian' wax"
Well, what did they EXPECT when they ripped the hair off their genitals?

' New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing. The state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is moving toward a ban on genital waxing after two women reported being injured in their quest for a smooth bikini line. '

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

RULLY, LIKE STOOOOPID NEWS, DOOD

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THE ALIENS ARE DEFINITELY GONNA EAT US

NO WAY WE CAN BEAT THEM AT CHESS. OR CHECKERS. OR TIDDLYWINKS.

YOUTUBE
"Funny UFO Prank"
Aliens are TURKEYS! Hope they don't show up on Thanksgiving!! Unless they're CANNIBALS!!!



Let's Hope They Don't Have A Cold Vaccine


YAHOO NEWS
"India celebrates planting its flag on moon"
They're starving in India, so I guess they went to the Moon to forage for food.

' India rejoiced Saturday at joining an elite club by planting its flag on the moon as the country's space agency released the first pictures of the cratered surface taken by its maiden lunar mission. A probe sent late Friday from the orbiting mother spacecraft took pictures and gathered other data India needs for a future moon landing as it plummeted to a crash-landing at the moon's south pole, said Indian Space Research Organization spokesman B.R. Guruprasad. '

YAHOO NEWS
"The Saudis' dubious interfaith agenda at the UN"
The Saudi's, who won't allow U.S. oilmen, servicemen and diplomats to go to their own churches on Saudi soil, are gonna teach the rest of us TOLERANCE!!! OK.

' World leaders gathering at the United Nations this week for a special session of the General Assembly to advance interfaith dialogue should have no illusions that their efforts will miraculously promote mutual respect between religious communities or end abuses of religious freedom. Saudi King Abdullah, who initiated this week's special session, is quietly enlisting the leaders' support for a global law to punish blasphemy – a campaign championed by the 56-member Organization of Islamic Conference that puts the rights of religions ahead of individual liberties. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Tomboy protests a security threat?"
I guess this is why the men wear dresses over there, too.

' Malaysia's police, who have recently cracked down on dissident bloggers and broken up anti-government demonstrations, say that protests over an edict against Muslim women wearing trousers are a security threat. Mainly Muslim Malaysia's National Fatwa Council recently issued a religious ruling that wearing trousers was un-Islamic. It said that, by wearing trousers, young girls risked becoming "tomboys" who became sexually active. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Taiwanese court orders former president detained"
Yer next, Dubya. Heh-heh, heh-heh.

' Lai Ching-te of the Democratic Progressive Party said Chen, 57, claimed he was attacked by a member of the prosecutors' staff while in transit between a Taipei prosecutors' office and the nearby Taipei District Court. Chen was taken to a Taipei hospital where doctors concluded that he suffered only a minor muscle injury. He was then returned to court and the session resumed. Prosecutors denied there had been any attack. The episode was a bizarre development in a day that began with Chen facing more than five hours of grilling from investigators looking into allegations of money laundering during his recently concluded presidency. Early Tuesday afternoon, he was driven in handcuffs from the prosecutors' office in downtown Taipei to the nearby court building. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sheriff to ban deputies from mixing drinking, guns"
Not even one for the road?

' The sheriff of Los Angeles County plans to prohibit his off-duty deputies from carrying their guns while drinking because several have been accused in recent years of firing weapons while intoxicated. Sheriff Lee Baca says there has been a disturbing rise in alcohol-fueled misbehavior among his deputies in the nation's largest sheriff's department. Since 2004, more than a dozen deputies have been accused of brandishing or shooting a gun while under the influence of alcohol. At least 61 have been arrested this year on alcohol-related charges, 39 of them for driving under the influence, and most of them were armed at the time. '

LOWER HUDSON JOURNAL NEWS
"Yorktown police officer remembers life-changing UFO sighting"
Now, this is what happens when you have more than one for the road.

' "It was a tremendous object, wing-shaped, coming towards me. ... It had landing lights - white lights - all white lights that stretched a good 200 yards," said Soravilla, now a lieutenant. Because it was only 1,000 feet in the air, to his estimation, he thought it was in trouble and he jumped out of his cruiser. But instead of crashing, it started flashing colors of alternating green, blue and amber, making a sonic sweeping sound. "At this point it stopped, and this is when I kind of got a little frightened," Soravilla said during a recent interview at police headquarters. "It pivoted, like on an axis, and started to move westward." It was as close an encounter as anyone would have in a night with hundreds of UFO reports from New Castle to Danbury, Conn., and he hadn't seen it all yet. Not wanting to put such an anomalous report on the radio, Soravilla drove back to headquarters, where the dispatcher was already overwhelmed with UFO calls. Then about 9 p.m., when police departments in Carmel, Kent and Brewster indicated that the lights had been there and were headed back to Yorktown, Soravilla walked out of headquarters with a dispatcher and a friend from the highway department to see if they could spot it again. "Unbelievable," Soravilla said. "It starts to come right over the hill. Right towards us. Tremendous. Huge." Remembering his training, he tried to determine a sound: "It was actually dead silence." Trusting his observation, he tried to determine a shape among the lights, only 500 feet above: "I didn't see any structure, but when it passed over it blocked out the stars. "My legs were shaking," he said. "I never saw anything like it in my life." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Strange Portal Connects Earth to Sun"
At home, we just call it "The Sky."

' Like giant, cosmic chutes between the Earth and sun, magnetic portals open up every eight minutes or so to connect our planet with its host star. Once the portals open, loads of high-energy particles can travel the 93 million miles (150 million km) through the conduit during its brief opening, space scientists say. Called a flux transfer event, or FTE, such cosmic connections not only exist but are possibly twice as common as anyone ever imagined, according to space scientists who attended the 2008 Plasma Workshop in Huntsville, Ala., last week. '

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!