AMUSING NEWS FOR MOMS

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HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE SILLY OLD WORLD

PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND THEY SPELL
"GRB@FLKH-NMIY/TD{S*"

YOUTUBE
"moms guilt trip sep2008"
OY VEY!!! You BETTER f**kin' CALL tomorrow!!!


Just When You Think The World Is Beginning To Make Sense, A Republican Speaks Up...

NEWS FLASH: Don't forget to call your Mom tomorrow! The guilt-trip if you don't would not be sustainable. You Have Been Warned! Look, there's even some stuff you can talk to her about, right here:


AFP
"Murdoch leads charge to get readers to pay online"
Now he wants us to PAY for his bullsh*t!

' The much-villified Australian-born media tycoon is preparing to battle against the practice many hold largely responsible for newspapers' current plight -- the "original sin" of giving away their content for free online. The 78-year-old Murdoch announced this week that the days of free are over. He said he planned to begin charging readers of the websites of News Corp. newspapers "within the next 12 months," testing the scheme "first on some of our stronger ones. Edmonds noted that a number of US newspapers, including The New York Times with its failed "Times Select" payment scheme, had experimented with charging readers. "The proposition of putting the New York Post or The Times of London behind a pay wall -- it's not immediately clear to me why that would go over better with readers than pay online attempts in the past," Edmonds said. "Quite a few United States papers experimented with that at least for a while and typically found their traffic fell through the floor and therefore weren't getting much ad revenue. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Accounting tricks boost bank profits"
In the magical world of banking, losses are now gains! So FUN!!!

' Earnings at several banks also benefited, counterintuitively, because the value of the banks' own debt was reduced to reflect a decline in the market value of that debt. In accounting-speak, a "credit-value adjustment" allows the banks to book a gain. The logic is that they could buy back the debt for less cash than they received when they issued the debt, so they get to claim a benefit, which many analysts say is illusory. Say a bank had issued debt at 100 cents on the dollar, and it now trades at 60 cents on the dollar. The bank can mark down the value of the debt on their books to 60 cents on the dollar, and take a gain on the 40-cent difference. For Citigroup, that debt adjustment totaled $2.5 billion, which helped narrow its losses for the quarter. The New York-based bank posted a first-quarter loss of $966 million, smaller than analysts expected. '

LA TIMES
"U.S. global warming rules won't change to help polar bears"
Ursophobe Stephen Coldbear swaying Obama?

' The Interior Department on Friday let stand a Bush administration policy barring the federal government from using the precarious state of the U.S. polar bear population as a reason to crack down on global warming, upsetting environmentalists and cheering oil and gas companies. The decision means the government cannot use the Endangered Species Act to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, though Interior Secretary Ken Salazar explicitly has blamed those emissions for the habitat erosion that last year landed the polar bear on the list of threatened species. '

MCCLATCHY
"Interior nominee EchoHawk pledges to work for Indian country"
Kewlest name for a Cabinet Secretary, ever.

' Former Idaho Attorney General Larry EchoHawk pledged Thursday to focus on economic development, education and law enforcement if the Senate confirms him as the assistant interior secretary in charge of the Bureau of Indian Affairs. EchoHawk, a member of the Pawnee tribe, told the Senate Indian Affairs Committee that he's seen firsthand the effects of poverty on Indian reservations. As a former prosecutor, EchoHawk said, he also is well aware of the effects of crime on reservation communities. '

YAHOO NEWS
"On May 5, Mexican dominance irks other Latinos"
Cinco de PUTO, cabron!

' With mariachis, tequila and parades, Cinco De Mayo will be celebrated this week in parties across the nation, kicking off a commemoration of Mexican heritage in the United States as a pseudo-holiday that has been adopted by the general population. But for Dagoberto Reyes, a Salvadorian immigrant living in Los Angeles, May 5 is more a reminder of the dominance Mexican culture has in a country that is home to immigrants from many Latin American countries. His prime example: Los Angeles-area public schools. "Our kids go to this school system, and the school system is more preoccupied with Mexico's history, and not the rest of Latin America's, much less El Salvador's," said Reyes, director of Casa de la Cultura, a Salvadorian community center. "They came back celebrating Cinco De Mayo. That holiday means nothing to us." '

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
"A marijuana tax as the next new revenue stream?"
"Historic highs." Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

' "We are actually talking about historic highs when it comes to public support of taxing and regulating marijuana for adult consumption," says Paul Armentano, deputy director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). But, he adds, "the most difficult task is how you convert public sentiment into public policy." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Just call her 'Dr. Dolly': Parton receives Ph.D."
Doctor of Divinity? Dentistry? Dolliography?

' Award-winning entertainer, businesswoman and education advocate Dolly Parton has a new title. "Just think, I am Dr. Dolly!" she said Friday after receiving an honorary doctorate of humane and musical letters from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. Always joking about her buxom figure, she added, "So when people say something about 'Double-D,' they will be thinking of something entirely different." '

AFP
"Polanksi won't return for US court date: lawyers"
He may be a perv, but he's not STUPID!

' Fugitive director Roman Polanski will not return to the United States for a hearing this week where his lawyers will seek to quash a decades-old sex case against him, court documents showed. Oscar-winner Polanski, famed for films such as "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown," fled the United States in 1978 before being sentenced for his guilty plea on a charge of unlawful sexual intercourse with a 13-year-old girl. Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Peter Espinoza said in February he may consider Polanski's case at this Thursday's hearing but only if the director returned from France, where he now lives. Polanski's legal team says the film-maker's conviction should be tossed on the grounds of misconduct, claiming the late judge who heard his case in the 1970s had improperly colluded with prosecutors. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Double hand transplant patient recovering well"
"Now where did I put that honey-do list?"

' Valarie Kepner was so excited at learning last fall that doctors might be able give her husband new hands that she called the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center without telling him first. Jeff Kepner, 57, had lost his hands and feet a decade ago to sepsis that developed from a strep infection. On Monday, he became the first person to undergo a double hand transplant in the United States and the second person to undergo a hand transplant through the hospital's new hand transplant program. '

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RULLY, LIKE STOOOOPID NEWS, DOOD

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THE ALIENS ARE DEFINITELY GONNA EAT US

NO WAY WE CAN BEAT THEM AT CHESS. OR CHECKERS. OR TIDDLYWINKS.

YOUTUBE
"Funny UFO Prank"
Aliens are TURKEYS! Hope they don't show up on Thanksgiving!! Unless they're CANNIBALS!!!



Let's Hope They Don't Have A Cold Vaccine


YAHOO NEWS
"India celebrates planting its flag on moon"
They're starving in India, so I guess they went to the Moon to forage for food.

' India rejoiced Saturday at joining an elite club by planting its flag on the moon as the country's space agency released the first pictures of the cratered surface taken by its maiden lunar mission. A probe sent late Friday from the orbiting mother spacecraft took pictures and gathered other data India needs for a future moon landing as it plummeted to a crash-landing at the moon's south pole, said Indian Space Research Organization spokesman B.R. Guruprasad. '

YAHOO NEWS
"The Saudis' dubious interfaith agenda at the UN"
The Saudi's, who won't allow U.S. oilmen, servicemen and diplomats to go to their own churches on Saudi soil, are gonna teach the rest of us TOLERANCE!!! OK.

' World leaders gathering at the United Nations this week for a special session of the General Assembly to advance interfaith dialogue should have no illusions that their efforts will miraculously promote mutual respect between religious communities or end abuses of religious freedom. Saudi King Abdullah, who initiated this week's special session, is quietly enlisting the leaders' support for a global law to punish blasphemy – a campaign championed by the 56-member Organization of Islamic Conference that puts the rights of religions ahead of individual liberties. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Tomboy protests a security threat?"
I guess this is why the men wear dresses over there, too.

' Malaysia's police, who have recently cracked down on dissident bloggers and broken up anti-government demonstrations, say that protests over an edict against Muslim women wearing trousers are a security threat. Mainly Muslim Malaysia's National Fatwa Council recently issued a religious ruling that wearing trousers was un-Islamic. It said that, by wearing trousers, young girls risked becoming "tomboys" who became sexually active. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Taiwanese court orders former president detained"
Yer next, Dubya. Heh-heh, heh-heh.

' Lai Ching-te of the Democratic Progressive Party said Chen, 57, claimed he was attacked by a member of the prosecutors' staff while in transit between a Taipei prosecutors' office and the nearby Taipei District Court. Chen was taken to a Taipei hospital where doctors concluded that he suffered only a minor muscle injury. He was then returned to court and the session resumed. Prosecutors denied there had been any attack. The episode was a bizarre development in a day that began with Chen facing more than five hours of grilling from investigators looking into allegations of money laundering during his recently concluded presidency. Early Tuesday afternoon, he was driven in handcuffs from the prosecutors' office in downtown Taipei to the nearby court building. '

YAHOO NEWS
"Sheriff to ban deputies from mixing drinking, guns"
Not even one for the road?

' The sheriff of Los Angeles County plans to prohibit his off-duty deputies from carrying their guns while drinking because several have been accused in recent years of firing weapons while intoxicated. Sheriff Lee Baca says there has been a disturbing rise in alcohol-fueled misbehavior among his deputies in the nation's largest sheriff's department. Since 2004, more than a dozen deputies have been accused of brandishing or shooting a gun while under the influence of alcohol. At least 61 have been arrested this year on alcohol-related charges, 39 of them for driving under the influence, and most of them were armed at the time. '

LOWER HUDSON JOURNAL NEWS
"Yorktown police officer remembers life-changing UFO sighting"
Now, this is what happens when you have more than one for the road.

' "It was a tremendous object, wing-shaped, coming towards me. ... It had landing lights - white lights - all white lights that stretched a good 200 yards," said Soravilla, now a lieutenant. Because it was only 1,000 feet in the air, to his estimation, he thought it was in trouble and he jumped out of his cruiser. But instead of crashing, it started flashing colors of alternating green, blue and amber, making a sonic sweeping sound. "At this point it stopped, and this is when I kind of got a little frightened," Soravilla said during a recent interview at police headquarters. "It pivoted, like on an axis, and started to move westward." It was as close an encounter as anyone would have in a night with hundreds of UFO reports from New Castle to Danbury, Conn., and he hadn't seen it all yet. Not wanting to put such an anomalous report on the radio, Soravilla drove back to headquarters, where the dispatcher was already overwhelmed with UFO calls. Then about 9 p.m., when police departments in Carmel, Kent and Brewster indicated that the lights had been there and were headed back to Yorktown, Soravilla walked out of headquarters with a dispatcher and a friend from the highway department to see if they could spot it again. "Unbelievable," Soravilla said. "It starts to come right over the hill. Right towards us. Tremendous. Huge." Remembering his training, he tried to determine a sound: "It was actually dead silence." Trusting his observation, he tried to determine a shape among the lights, only 500 feet above: "I didn't see any structure, but when it passed over it blocked out the stars. "My legs were shaking," he said. "I never saw anything like it in my life." '

YAHOO NEWS
"Strange Portal Connects Earth to Sun"
At home, we just call it "The Sky."

' Like giant, cosmic chutes between the Earth and sun, magnetic portals open up every eight minutes or so to connect our planet with its host star. Once the portals open, loads of high-energy particles can travel the 93 million miles (150 million km) through the conduit during its brief opening, space scientists say. Called a flux transfer event, or FTE, such cosmic connections not only exist but are possibly twice as common as anyone ever imagined, according to space scientists who attended the 2008 Plasma Workshop in Huntsville, Ala., last week. '

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.

TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!