A FIELD GUIDE TO THE REPUBLICANS

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OR, HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB

WHEREIN WE ATTEMPT TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF THAT WHICH CONSERVATIVES ARE PLEASED TO CALL THEIR MINDS

Carry This With You Whenever You Go To A Public Toilet At The Airport

Here are a few clues for translating current Republicans and Republicanisms into terms that a human being may understand. Please do not contemplate this list for more than ten minutes at a time, as severe hemmorhoids may ensue.

1. AYN RAND: Well, they have to jerk off to something.

2. RONALD REAGAN: Not the monkey. The other one.

3. NEWT GINGRICH: His first wife's tombstone says, "I'd rather be here than in bed with Newtie."

4. RUSH LIMBAUGH: Everything you ever wanted to know about flatulence.

5. GEORGE "DUBYA" BUSH: This year's winner of our annual "Free Trip To The Hague Contest." Dubya? Dubya? Where'd he go?

6. DICK ARMEY: Make up your mind: You want dick or you want army?

7. GLENN BECK: The poster boy for psychiatric bloat.

8. MICHELLE BACHMAN: Turn'er overdrive, boys!

9. BILL FRIST: Rhymes with fist. Make your own joke.

10. JOHN BOEHNER: See Number 9.

11. SARAH PALIN: The official Seventh Sign of the Apocalypse! Collect 'em all!

12. ANTONIN SCALIA: Once rejected by La Cosa Nostra as insufficiently humane.

13. LOU DOBBS: How is it possible for one man to be wrong so many times?

14. BOBBY JINDAL: On the other hand, maybe Dobbs has a point...

15. ANN COULTER: Recently married her douche bag. Hey, no one else asked.

16. COLIN POWELL: Remember that chicken who voted for Colonel Sanders?

17. BRUCE WILLIS: At last, someone who can shame even New Jersey.

18. BILL O'REILLY: Yo, Bill, yer Mom called: She wants her protoplasm back.

19. RANDALL TERRY: Ironically, he's the best argument ever for abortion. Just ask his mother.

20. MICHAEL STEELE: Doing a great job as GOP Chairman, despite the fact that his candidates keep turning their dogs loose on him.
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SOYLENT GREEN IS WHITE PEOPLE!!!

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PICTURES PROVE: OBAMACARE LEGALISES CANNIBALISM

WHITE WOMEN WILL BE EATEN FIRST

Recycling Takes A Nasty Turn

It turns out the Birthers & Deathers were both right: Barack Obama is in fact an African, from a cannibalistic tribe near Mount Kilimanjaro, and Obamacare does include "death panels." But the meat will not be wasted. Citing new levels of hunger in America, and an overpopulation of Caucasoids in the Red States, liberal Democrats in Congress have included a secret provision in their pending healthcare legislation that could cut the population of all Republican-majority States by up to half over the next twenty years. The resulting human remains will be processed in the same manner as cows, sheep and pigs who have fallen ill, and mixed with soybeans and lentils to make a tasty treat known as Soylent Green™, prepared as veggiemeaty™-loaf and veggiemeaty™-burgers.

President Obama has taken to the town hall circuit across the country to push his healthcare plan. He denies categorically the inclusion in the legislation of any provisions aimed at marginalizing or nutritionalising conservatives. "This is a bipartisan bill: Everyone will be eated trequally, er, treated equally." Chief spokesman for the White Community, Newt Gingrich could not be reached for comment. His aides claimed that he fell suddenly ill two days ago, and was picked up by a USDA truck. He has not been seen since. The FDA is recommending that all shipments of pork-flavored crackers be withdrawn from store shelves.

This blog has obtained comic strips which prove conclusively that Barack Obama is an alien being from another galaxy who came to Earth during the era of the "Counter-Culture," landing in Africa, searching for human flesh to feed on. We have them right here in this envelope we are holding in our hands...


(click on photo's to enlarge)































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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar

We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else.

Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR BLOGGERS:

Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!