REPUBLICANS SELF-DESTRUCT

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2012 PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS "P*SSY" OUT



ENSIGN & SANFORD FALL ON THEIR PORK-SWORDS

It's A Sign! The Conservatards Know It's Thuh Ay-Und Tahms! SHA-ZAAAAM!!!

Layers of the Onion: First we had soap-opera "Senator" Mark Ensign pretending his former whore for hire was "blackmailing" him. Now we have dorky cracker *ssh*le Mark Sanford, soon-to-be-former Governor of South Carolina and libertarian loon disappearing for almost a week, then resurfacing in a huge pool of bullsh*t.

First his aides said they didn't know where the State's Chief Executive and Commander of the SC National Guard was. In time of war! Then they said they could contact him, but still didn't know where he was. Then they said he was, get this, HIKING on the Appalachian Trail! How stupid are Southrons, anyhoo, that the Guv's lackeys thought they'd believe that? Next, the wayward CEO resurfaced after his SUV was spotted at the Atlanta airport. He claimed, assininely, that he had been in A-R-G-E-N-T-I-N-A ! ! ! Licking Evita's bones, no doubt. Less than a full day later, the retard who was sued by his own Party for refusing Obama's stimulus funds says, naw, I was eatin' ch*cha! All righty, then! WHAT'S NEXT???!!!

The best part: Both conservative Republican Nevada Senator John Ensign AND conservative Republican South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford called for Bill Clinton's resignation when he was caught cheating. Think they'll resign now that they've BOTH been caught cheating? These are the people you f**king IDIOT conservatards WORSHIP. If only you were smart enough to feel stupid! Could you please go crawl up your own conservative *sses and stay there? Thankee! Much obliged!

BWAWWAWAWAHAWHAWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAWWAAAAA!!!!!


MCCLATCHY
"Sanford's only the latest GOP rising star to crash and burn"
Grand Old Pissants.

' A number of potential Republican presidential candidates recently have suffered missteps or other circumstances that threaten to shake up the race long before it formally begins. They range from the most politically lethal — public confession of extramarital affairs — to less serious setbacks, such as a botched speech just as the world was watching, or being tapped to serve in the Obama administration. Each of these incidents underscores the high stakes for a party searching eagerly for a new leader to fight back against the Democrats who control Congress and the White House . '

THE NEVADA APPEAL
"Group says Sen. Ensign violated ethics rules"
Mr. Family values used campaign contributions and/ or taxpayer money to pay his whore, aand her husband, and her child.

' A watchdog group alleged Wednesday that Sen. John Ensign violated the Senate's ethics rules by engaging in an affair with a campaign aide who was married to his administrative assistant, then terminating their employment. Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington also said Ensign, R-Nev., violated ethics and campaign finance rules by failing to report a severance payment to the woman as an in-kind contribution from his campaign or leadership political action committee. Ensign acknowledged last week that he had a consensual affair with a campaign staffer from December 2007 through August 2008. The group followed through Wednesday on an earlier announcement that it would be filing a complaint with the Senate Ethics Committee. While Ensign stressed the word consensual in his disclosure, Melanie Sloan, executive director of the watchdog group, said the ethics committee needs to investigate whether sexual harassment had occurred. She said it's well established that sexual harassment is a form of discrimination that Senate rules don't allow. Sloan also said that payments to the couple involved, Doug and Cynthia Hampton, merited investigation. '

NBC NEWS: WMBF MYRTLE BEACH, SC
"Sanford: Met with mistress on taxpayer funded trip"
"No stimulus money for schools." The Governor needs the money for whores.

' Following Gov. Mark Sanford's tearful confession of cheating on his wife Wednesday, questions continue to surface as to whether Sanford's trips to Buenos Aires were taxpayer-funded. In a public confession among a pool of reporters and photographers at the statehouse, Sanford admitted to seeing the Argentine woman, known only as "Maria," three times over their yearlong affair. Kara Borie, spokeswoman for the South Carolina Department of Commerce, confirmed Thursday afternoon taxpayer money was used to fund a Brazil trade and investment mission in which Sanford was present for on June 21-28, 2008. "A number of the participants from the Brazil trade and investment mission, at the invitation and suggestion of Secretary Taylor and at their own personal expense, went to Cordoba, Argentina, following the Brazil mission to go bird hunting," Borie added. '

(cross-posted at CoffeeHouseStudio by cosanostradamus)

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SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR FOUND IN GAY LOVE NEST

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MARK SANFORD & NEWT GINGRICH SHACKED UP IN MIAMI BEACH



"AH JEST CAIN'T QUIT 'IM" THE GOVERNOR CRIES

Republicans Signal Shift From Straying Evangelicals To Disaffected GLBTs

After five days off the radar, or gaydar, 2012 Republican Presidential hopeful conservative South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has resurfaced in a leather bar in famously gay Miami Beach, Florida. He was on his way to a religious retreat in Waco, Texas when he stopped in the Columbia International Airport men's toilets, and the rest is history. Or herstory.

"Ah set down, jest tuh thank, an' Ah sawr this big ol' pair uh brown shoes in t'other stawull. One of 'em come toowards meh under the par-tition, and Ah just found myself a-wantin' tuh rub on up agin' it. Tarns out, it was Newt Gingrich! Ah tuk it as a sign. We both canceled our plans and flew straight, er, gay to Mah-ammah."

"After three days of passionate gay love-making, I finally realized, it wasn't women I hated: It was myself!" former Speaker of the House and Nancy Pelosi critic Gingrich stated. "I mean, I divorced a woman on her death-bed, but I went right on and married another woman, and hated her too! But it was ME!!! I hated who I was, and how I couldn't just be me. But that's all over. The games of footsie in remote public toilets are over. This is it."

Governor Sanford took executive action on a bar napkin under his authority as Governor of South Carolina and divorced himself today from his wife of seventeen years Myrtle Magnolia Beach-Sanford of the wealthy Beach clan of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Mssrs Sandford & Gingrich plan to fly to Massachusetts to be married tomorrow. "We realize that this is taking the Republican Party in a whole 'nother direction, especially since Rush Limbaugh will be our bridesmaid. But the Christian fundamentalist thing just hasn't been working for us, personally or politically. They're so judgmental. They think greed is a sin! We're hoping that our own immorality will mesh with the sodomites, and that we can retake the White House and Congress by an appeal to pagan family values. We're hip, now! Totally, like, kewl, man! I have an iPod! Our consultants say it'll work. Teh gaiis are THAT p*ssed at Obama! And hey, if we have to eat a little c**k..." "Hey!" Sanford ejaculated. "Or even a big one, so be it. It's worth it!" Gingrich concluded, kissing the bride to a round of applause from the South Beach crowd. The couple are registered at Bed, Bath & Dungeon.


GOOGLE NEWS
"SC governor's whereabouts unknown, even to wife"
Why should his wife know where he is?

' Where is South Carolina's governor? The lieutenant governor doesn't know, and neither does a state senator who's a close confidante. Even Gov. Mark Sanford's wife is in the dark. Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer said he's been told the governor's staff is in contact with the second-term Republican, but Sanford's wife said she hasn't heard from him in several days, including Father's Day. "He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids," Jenny Sanford told The Associated Press while vacationing with the couple's four sons at their Sullivans Island beach house. She said she didn't know where he was, but wasn't concerned. Sanford, who's also chairman of the Republican Governors Association, earned a reputation as the nation's most vocal anti-bailout governor by refusing $700 million in federal stimulus money for schools until he lost a court battle earlier this month. His spokesman Joel Sawyer released a statement saying the governor was taking a break after losing the fight. '

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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