COSANOSTRADAMUS PREDICTS

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PROGNOSTICATIONS FOR THE MULTITUDES

HEEL, MULTITUDES! SIT! ROLL OVER! BEG! BEG FOR YOUR HEALTHCARE!!! MUAHAHA!!

We Will Now Reveal To You Tomorrow's Headlines Today. And The Comics.

1. Both Google and Microsoft will fail to survive the next major economic downturn. The new force in computing is now called Hang-Seng Silicon Noodles, Kowloon, China.

2. Madonna will adopt Angelina Jolie. But not Brad Pitt, breaking up the set.

3. Conan O'Brien will divorce his wife and marry David Letterman in a secret ceremony in Provincetown, Mass. His ratings will still suck.

4. Nancy Pelosi will reveal that former House Speaker Newt Gingrich regularly used botox during his tenure. On his dick.

5. Barack Obama will appear at an Alabama town hall meeting wearing a Nazi SS uniform, and promise to round up and gas only liberals if Republicans vote for his healthcare holocaust. Republicans are tempted, but still won't vote for it, despite their natural attraction to holocausts, in which they claim not to believe.

6. Glenn Beck will be found to be an actual escaped mental patient with delusions of cable grandeur. Rupert Murdoch will give him a raise.

7. The New York Times and the Washington Post will merge and then quietly go out of business, cursing this new-fangled blogging thing.

8. Kathy Griffin will be found in Margot Kidder's back yard, doing something completely sane. Police will tase her, causing her to make the "C" list. (I told you it would work, Kathy.)

9. Silvio Berlusconi will fly around Florence's Old Bridge in Leonardo DaVinci's aerial screw on Assumption Day. It sounds better in Italian.

10. One of the surviving Beatles will die. Eventually.
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DEMI MOORE & BILL CLINTON!

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TOGETHER AT LAST? WHAT WILL THE HILLBOTS SAY?

FOTO FUNNIES FOR HUMP DAY

All True. And Yet, All Lies.

Surveillance satellites around the globe are focusing on celebrities wherever they are, 24/7/52/100/1000.The National Security Agency is the world's largest producer of reality shows. But none of them ever makes it out of their fortress of solitude under Dick Cheney's tomb.Until now. By violating every national security directive in the big secret book that no one is allowed to read, we can now bring you the scoops and the skinny on all your favorite well-known douche bags.

Here are the actual unretouched foto's of that famous naked person you've always wanted to see with no clothes on at all, totally nekkid, nude and naked as the day they were born. Wait, this was the day they were born. Can't show you that. You'll have to go to Africa to see that. Third m'butu on the left. Don't eat the m'bange. It tastes like mofongo.





























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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar

We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else.

Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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TO POST A COMMENT: CLICK ON "COMMENTS," "Post a Comment" or "# of COMMENTS" just below the SOCIAL BOOKMARKING LINKS (Digg, Delicious, etc), about three inches down from here. Please do comment. Thank you.

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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS: BRING THEM ALL HOME ALIVE, NOW!

CHOCOLATE NEWS

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NO, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT OBAMA

"IN LIVING COLOR"s DAVID ALAN GRIER JOINS THE FACULTY AT COMEDY CENTRAL

YOUTUBE: COMEDY CENTRAL
"Chocolate News: Will Barack Obama Be the First Black President?"
Oh, Hell, yes!


YOUTUBE: FOX TV
"In Living Color: Men on Film"
Two Snaps Up!


Black Comedian Proceeds To School Everybody!

Being a ghost, a casper, a honky, a redneck, an ofay mofo, I don't often watch "black" TV shows. Most of them are no more black than the Irish shows are Irish. They just throw in a few lame, rude remarks about us white folks, and shazam, black comedy. Not.

The exceptions are often brilliant, though rare, like good television in general: The late, great Bernie Mac was one of my favorites. It didn't matter if you were black or white, or if he was: He was just funnier than a ma'fa', all the time. I miss him already. (How's the audiences up there, Bernie? Oh. Sorry to hear that... )

I miss "In Living Color," too. It was a classic, right up there with Ernie Kovacs, Sid Caesar, Steve Allen, Laugh-In, The Smothers Brothers, the original Saturday Night Live, SCTV, The Kids In The Hall, and MADTV. If you can find videos, check them out. The show was a deep gene pool of talent: Grier, Jim Carrey, Jamie Foxx and the whole Wayans family, who never outdid their work on ILC. And let's not forget the Fly Girls: Jennifer Lopez, Carrie Ann Inaba, and Rosie Perez, et al. Homey the Clown, Wicked Wanda, gossiping Benita Butrell, bodybuilder Vera de Milo, and of course Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriweather, the Men On Film, DAG's creation along with Damon Wayans. Politically incorrect, but extremely funny.

"In Living Color" was killed by the idiot suits at Fox. It was their best variety comedy show ever, but they had to eff it up. The Wayans parted company with RupertNet, and the rest was not history. Fox never managed to air a decent comedy-variety show in prime-time again, and the Wayans went on to make lame movies. Oh well.

So it's great to see David Alan Grier back on the teevee on a regular basis (we hope). Let's hope the suits at Comedy Central don't do to him what they did to Dave Chappelle. Let's hope they give "Chocolate News" the same treatment they've given "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report." Because it's at least as funny as those shows on their best days.

For some reason, the show seems to scheduled oddly, irregularly. Ain't that a bitch? Tryin' to keep the black man down. Wait til January, cracker! Check your motherf*cking local listings, my bruth-thahs. Peace out. Is that how you say it?


COMEDY CENTRAL: DAVID ALAN GRIER
"CHOCOLATE NEWS"

COMEDY CENTRAL
"PROGRAM SCHEDULE"
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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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CHANGE!!! CHANGIER!!! CHANGIEST!!!

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MY FRIENDS, CHANGE WITH ME

NOW IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO COME TO THE KOOL-AID OF THEIR COUNTRY





Loose Change? Spare Change? Any Change At All? Send It To Me!!!

I'm throwing my chapeau in the anneau. I am the only candidate who will rock your world. I will make you do things you never thought possible. America, you will be my bitch. And you will love it. Bring your milkshakes on over here.

I will disassemble the White House and reassemble it on the Moon. I will move the Presidential offices and quarters to a giant golden barge floating in the Potomac. I will move the whole thing to Maalaea Bay every Halloween, and back every Easter.

I will establish Druidism as the official State religion. Tree-hugging will be required of all citizens every Sunday morning. In the nude. Bring lubricant. Amen.

I will withdraw all armed forces from all bases around the world, and bring them all home at once. Sleazy bars, tattoo parlors, pawn shops and massage parlors all over the world will follow the troops home. Unemployed servicemen and women and cheap foreign sex-workers will take over the streets and alleyways, parking lots and shopping malls of every town in America. No one will ever dare attack us again.

Abortion will be mandatory, except where the Mom is really hot, or the Dad has advanced sports skills. We will slowly build a race of jocks and bimbo's, and move to the Moon, before the Comet strikes the Earth. Smart people will stay right where they are. So it is written, on the men's room wall at the bus station.

There will be no more economy, stupid. It has never been anything but trouble. Our scientists will force hamburgers, pizza, and salad mix (for girls) to grow on trees, so we never have to work again. We will use our leisure to compose epic poetry and filthy limericks, while eating grapes fed to us by Japanese androids who can also do origami, and neck massages. Rivers of beer will flow through the arboreal dell.

There will be free health care for all, dispensed by vending machines outside of convenience stores in small towns and suburbs, and in dirty book stores in all the major cities except for Salt Lake City. There will be no health care at all in Salt Lake City. You should have voted for me, you Morons.

There will be Ritalin in all Coca-Cola exported to foreign countries, to make them less fidgety and easier to manage. There will be an era of unparalleled peace and prosperity everywhere, except for Belgium. EAT SH*T YOU F*CKING WALLOONS!!!

That is all.
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Suggestion Box & Tip Jar We would like to make over this blog to make it easier to access, to read and to comment on. We would also like to serve our readers better by providing more of what you need and want to see. All serious suggestions will be considered. We hope to move to our own domain in the near future, and we would like to ask for your financial assistance in doing that, and in upgrading our hardware & software. Small one-time donations and larger long-term subscriptions are welcome. Exclusive advertising is also available. If you think we are wasting our time in doing all this, please let us know. If you wish to help us, now is the time. As always, negative bullsh*t from right-wing trolls will be sh*tcanned. Thank you to everyone else. Please send feedback & PayPal contributions to cosanostradamusATexciteDOTcom. Thanks.

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